to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

[binrel]

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

To be honest, I don't know what the dh can possibly do to make amends for this. How is he going to wipe out that memory from his daughters' minds, for a start? Every time the brother gets out of a chair for the forseeable future, and limps across the room wincing in pain, they're all going to reminded what happened. How are they ever going to play happy extended families again?

Have only read the first 8 pages but can't believe some posters calling him a 'little shit who has had this coming' etc.

When we were between houses, DP and I lived at my mum's for 4 months with my then 19yo sister. She can be very very annoying - and we lived with her, not just visited for 10 days.

When DP got annoyed - he went upstairs to our room and shut the door. Or went for a walk. He did not seriously assault her.

Also, when that same sister was about 11, she and I were monkeying around. I was teasing her pretty badly and she shoved me - I fell and she landed with her full weight on top of my arm. It was really agonsing. She immediately jumped up and said 'Oh God, Revolting, it isn't broken, is it?' She was mortified.

She was a child ffs, not an adult. There is no excuse. And believe, I work at a university and teach 19yo men all the time. They can be testing. There is still no excuse. Jesus.

Noqontrol
"But i feel sorry if life has brought you to this place that you think its ok."

I have never said that violence was ok.

SamG76 I'd split the fault 70DH/30DB. It's irritating to be goaded in front of one's own children. Maybe the tackle was a sort of mistimed play tackle which wasn't intended to connect. Police will have a good laugh, though will probably send someone round as it will avoid them having to deal with actual crime.....

I have two questions for you that i actually want you to answer. I will assume you have realised how wrong you are if you don't answer.

First question.

If he had been playing with his wife or child and they were winding him up a bit, and he deliberately jumped on their leg and seriously injured it, and then said "there you go you little twat", would you be saying that it was 30% the wife or child's fault?

Second question.

Do you think accusations of assault, whether it is against a young man or a woman are a waste of police time?

From what i can tell from the op, the brother was being rather good with the ball and teasing the dh about it. Hmm, next time i see someone doing a sport better then me i might just push them over and stamp on their leg. They would 30% deserve it so . . .

No-one is saying violence is ok, but I'm questioning whether DH really intended to hurt DB that badly. If he did, why not punch him? I've watched a lot of 5 a side footie, and if you were trying to injure someone, a tackle that that wouldn't be the way. You could go in harder than you needed, but the chance of hitting them in exectly the right (wrong) spot is pretty small. The person doing the tackle is as likely to get injured themselves....

I think too much has been made of this 'goading,' teasing and going for a nutmeg are totally normal parts of a knockabout. It's fun. If the DH had an issue, he could have declined to play or asked to speak to OP inside alone.
All of these apologists for male violence are infuriating. It wasn't deserved, it wasn't a mistimed tackle; it was a deliberate act of violence. If his daughter kicked the ball through his legs and mocked him would he be justified in stamping on her leg?
I don't think I could get over this.

Sam. Would punching be ok then in your eyes?

It seems clear to me that he deliberately jumped in the air and landed on his leg. His response afterwards confirms this.

He jumped off the ground and his feet went into the brothers leg, he then called him a little twat while the brother was on the floor in agony. Sounds deliberate.

He's in a lot of pain this morning although he's still doing his best to entertain the dds. I haven't heard from DH but that's understandable as he's at work.

I don't blame you! I'd find that hard to forgive. Does he normally lose his rag that easily?

I think the concerning thing is that he wasn't immediately mortified by what he did and didn't call the ambulance himself.

I can understand being really wound up by somebody, particularly if they had been staying in my house for 10 days, and I can just about understand that translating into an overly aggressive move in football. However, leaving somebody on the ground, particularly a 19 year old family member (whether or not you knew at that point that they had been injured) is worrying. There might be underlying problems causing this behaviour, but I think the OP is right to take the action she has taken.

DD beat me at monopoly once. I realise now I should have punched her in the face and forced her to swallow the ship and the top hat! I am just sooo soft.

So sorry to hear this binrel, I hope your husband is very contrite now. He should have been utterly horrified when he did it, that violent action enough should have halted all rage immediately. How you all go on from here depends, I should think on...

how sorry he is
the lasting damage to your brother (does he play football or sport)
loss of wages to your brother
any effect on time at university

A friend of mine sued her brother due to an injury he accidentally gave her. Loss of earnings and delay in training course.

Horrible experience for you all.

PPIMT - thanks for the ultimatum. I' haven;t changed my mind. In answer to your questions:

No - but in the case of a child he's not picking on someone his own size, and he has greater responsibilities. From what I have read he did not assault a child.

Ok - let's imagine the COPS is interested and he is charged with assault (along with hundreds of Sunday League players every week). He claims it was accidental, and the OP can give evidence against him, and he is convicted. With criminal record he may get sacked, and may find it difficult to find work. Is this going to improve OP's domestic situation, whether or not they stay together. How will the kids benefit?

Orm

How does your brother feel about it op? Is he angry?

Gosh binrel so sorry to hear about this. Hope your brother is recovering well. How could it possibly have been his fault? I can't believe people are blaming DB!

Surely if DH was in so bad a mood he could have snapped, he should have taken himself away to a dark room and calm himself down! There is no excuse for violence.

DH has some serious apologising to do. If he won't or can't see his reaction was totally disproportionate then I don't really know what to suggest I'm afraid. Hope you and DDs also not too shaken.

Sorry - CPS, not COPS....

Sam. So its ok to assault someone as long as they are as big as you? And its acceptable to assault people if you have a job to keep and children to support? So all people with children and a job should be let off of criminal charges or responsibility for their violent actions?

My brother is a lot smaller than DH (he's actually smaller than me) so even if he didn't mean to cause the level of harm he has, going in the way he did it was always going to hurt him.

I've done some youtubing and it was quite like this: