To think there's nothing wrong with having a toyboy?

[SenseUL]

Name changed for this, just in case.

I'm 33, 2 DDs (7 and 3), single, and recently had a 19 year old in my bed.

Already heard I'm being talked about unfavourabley by friends, peers etc who have found out (although I haven't broadcasted it to the world!)

AIBU?

SoleSource, they can be very open to education.

I couldn't go with anyone younger then me. I was perving on admiring Tom Daley and after I found out he was 18! Only 4 years younger but I felt bad till I saw him in he swimming.

"The issue isn't that her children are around the toyboy the issue is that somehow everyone knows and that isn't because the kids have said anything (I assume?) The kids would still be teased about it even if they had never met mr toyboy."

facepalm
The children wouldn't be teased if no one knew about it. If said "toyboy" was unrelated/connected to anyone at her childs school, it would likely go unnoticed, or could be passed off as a babysitter/family friend helping out.

Its the fact that the lover is related to someone at school, and when all the mums start gossiping, as they inevitably will, and already have been doing, children will pick up on that and probably rip the piss out of the two children involved, and if it all goes tits up, OP is risking having VERY personal info passed around people she and her child have to see every day.

" Is that better than slapper, because that is my honest opinion. "

Yes, because you have an actual basis for those things. And I agree with all of that!

The children wouldn't be teased if no one knew about it. If said "toyboy" was unrelated/connected to anyone at her childs school, it would likely go unnoticed, or could be passed off as a babysitter/family friend helping out.

But my point is that people would know about them shagging even if the young lad came over after the kids were in bed. I get it if the mum wasn't shagging class mates half brother there would be no teasing risk, but the kids meeting him or not meeting him doesn't make a difference in my opinion.

I turned twenty a week ago, I like my men older but I can tell you one thing: I know guys screwing around with women your age. They talk about taking turns with the desperate old bag (cleaning the language up) and who needs to be 'paper bagged,' and (excuse this part, no way to clean it up) they take bets on whether her downstairs area needs lubricant or whether they can do it themselves.

These conversations nauseate me, but if none of this bothers you and it truly is just sex, I say good for you! I'd never have the confidence to sleep around, I get attached very quickly. Could sure use the ego boost though!!!

To answer questions:

Nineteen year old's are awful in bed. The ones who come across like they might be good think because they're so hot they don't have to try, and everyone else is inexperienced (including myself.)

So, in short, male and female alike, none of us are very good.

19? and there was me feeling a bit bad for perving over the new Spiderman!

Honeytea - Ah ok, yeah I don't think introducing him to the children will have any effect on the future bullying.

It's true that men of all ages (but especially up to mid-20s) can use very offensive language for women aged over 30.

That is; unless they are a close friend who likes you a lot. Or a colleague / casual acquaintance who likes & respects you (& is too nice to ever be offensive). & obviously you would expect a man who is a serious boyfriend to respect your privacy because they are (should be!) in love with you.

A lad or man you barely know but are sleeping with is rarely respectful about you when with his mates. (& age makes no difference there!)

Lurking - do the lads you know a favour & suggest that maybe they need to improve their foreplay technique.. dryness & lack of lubrication won't be an issue for any woman who isn't menopausal; providing the man is good in bed :)
Hopefully they will get less nasty about women when they grow up; if they don't then best avoid them!

OP - i don't think you can expect 'respect' off this 19yr old lad because i don't think you respect him as an individual. No-one deserves to be called a 'toyboy'.

It's obviously just about sex for you, but make sure he knows that. & if you care about what others think / say then leave him.

I have a friend (now married) who lived with a younger man; when they split he was 21 & she was 29. But she looked young enough to still get ID'd; so people never thought anything of the age gap. She would never have called him her 'toyboy' - they were equals in their relationship.

Oh I do avoid them, it's in the library when I'm studying, I'm too intimidated to go to a librarian. I have gotten them to talk quieter on occasion, without going into the specifics of their general grossness.

I know! The lube thing is so stupid but they seem to think these women are almost dead

That reminds me of when i was 26; went out clubbing with mates; one woman was 29.

A wanker man (aged 26 like me) saw the 29-yr-old & said (in genuine shock) ''she's looks very good for 29'' (in other words; ''for an old bird who should be at home drinking cocoa'').

She was literally 2 & a half yrs older than him.

I'm 36 in 3 weeks.... i actually got called a 'cougar' by a 23-yr-old colleague because i said i like a male celebrity who is 26!! I must stick to liking men over 40 in future apparently!!
(That colleague had thought i was 23 like her until i told her my actual age ffs - wish i hadn't told her after that).

'Cougar (slang)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Cougar is a slang term referring to a woman who seeks sexual relations with considerably younger men.

Typically, the term refers to women over 30 years old who pursue men more than seven years younger. The origin of the word is debated, but it is thought to have originated in Western Canada and first appeared in print on the Canadian dating website Cougardate.com, and has been used in TV series, advertising and film.'

You have to hunt them down and want to shag them before you earn the label.

OK well i'm definitely not a cougar then!

Anyway i think 23yr old colleague is a bit confused; she called me 'my little beauty' (why i don't know) last shift so the 'cougar' comment is forgiven.

& not wanting to offend men too much here BUT... there are lots of men over 23 who are balding & due to drinking / drug / smoking habits - they can seem a LOT older... yet my divorced male neighbour is 37 & i'd thought he was 28 or 29.
If i dated Mark Wright (& sorry i think he's fit) then i may well get called a 'cougar' but to be fair he's got a lot more sexual experience than i will ever get; plus he has botox (why??). Allegedly he's 25 but hmm, not sure i believe that!

Agree. Don't think OP should flaunt in front of her kids.

Ignore the naysayers. They're probably just jealous Really not.

all you've achieved is making someone think of you as some rancid dried up bitter old cow So because we wouldn't do it & don't think it is acceptable, we are rancid old cows?

I also don't like the term slapper and similar But you don't mind calling us rancid cows...

I haven't called anyone anything Except you called us rancid old cows...

Where are all of these horrible, inconsiderate, immature, foul-mouthed young wankers you speak of? I know lots of nice young men and think it's a shame people are so derogatory about young guys in general.

And yes, a 19 year old can be good in bed, even if they're inexperienced. Plenty of old playboys who are RUBBISH in bed, aren't there.

Why not!

I can think of several couples where the man is more than 14 years older than his wife.

Dh's parents for a start.

Differentnameforthis Ahh, no I didn't call you anything. I said the person who you're calling a slapper is going to be thinking that, because that seems to be the sort of person she, and people saying "they're jealous" are.

Calling them slappers achieves nothing. The OP isn't going to sit and think "OMGEEEE She thinks I'm a slapper I must change my ways imediately" is she? No, she, and others who support her actions, are just going to think "HA jealous old boot is calling me a slapper because she's not getting any".

I didn't mean i think that. I was trying to explain why there's no need, or any point, to call her a slapper.

Also, last time I checked, shagging one bloke doesn't make you a slapper.

why would fucking a 19 year old be anything to be proud of?

most 19 year olds would fuck anything with a pulse given half the chance.

And him being 19 doesn't mean he is some sort of adonis. More likely he is gangly, acne ridden and cant afford to go dutch on a big mac.

There is a huge difference between being in a relationship with a person years younger or older than yourself, with respect and love on both sides, and what the OP is doing.

I'm 21 and couldn't go with a teenager, males are still pretty immature at that age generally and it would just seem like going with a boy.

Just the same as I think men who look at "barely legal" porn are sleazy, I would not have double standards for a woman.

Imagine this was a man posting about his teenage lover saying things like "just animalistic fucking" and that they like to be able to control them and teach them...

And he's a teenager, he's probably saying all sorts to his mates about you being an 'easy older bird' or similar.

I might think different if you both believed it to be love.

I didn't want to fuck "anything with a pulse" when I was 19. I didn't have spots either. And I remember having a lot more money than I do now, despite earning about £14,000.

Ah, to be 19...

I laugh at how people think us that disapprove are jealous! I would rather have my 45yr dh in bed, than a 19yr old. Why? Because after several years together he KNOWS what I like & what to do & I don't need to teach him! Just getting on with it is MUCH better than having to tell them what to do. I'll take experience any day!

I also like that what happens in our bedroom, stays in our bedroom. I know that my dh has nothing to prove to anyone & therefore feels no need to brag about what we do, can you say the same for your toy boy?