Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's nothing wrong with having a toyboy?

182 replies

SenseUL · 29/07/2012 21:55

Name changed for this, just in case.

I'm 33, 2 DDs (7 and 3), single, and recently had a 19 year old in my bed.

Already heard I'm being talked about unfavourabley by friends, peers etc who have found out (although I haven't broadcasted it to the world!)

AIBU?

OP posts:
Redknickerswillstoptrains · 30/07/2012 18:05

yuck,nasty ,you sound enchanting

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 18:10

"They are both quotes from you, aren't they QOD? Do you see the irony?
You call other women names because they have a different opinion?"

I haven't called anyone anything. Calling someone a slapper is schoolgirl stuff. The old cows comment isn't what I think, I was pointing out what someone being called a slapper probably thinks - she isn't going to be sat their going "oh my god, she's called me a slapper, I'd beter change my ways!" Is she? She's sat there thinking "ha, jealous old cows!"

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 18:12

So quote me word for word where I called the OP a slapper?
I didn't.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 18:12

Olympic - Why? She's introduced one man to her children, (Unless I'm missing something), that isn't every tom dick and harry.

That doesn't make her a slapper. It makes her parenting coices questionable.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 18:13

Fallen - I didn't say you did, you commented on my comment, which was aimed at the people who did call her a slapper.

OlympicTeaDrinker · 30/07/2012 18:16

I didn't say she was a slapper though I said women who do this are.

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 18:18

But we know so little about the OP.
Where is her ex, or the father of either or both of her children?
How involved is he with them? Could he take them for the nights her lover stays over?
How many of her subsequent partners have her children met or known?
Is she really bothered about the mutterings of other adults about her sex life, or excited and proud to be the subject of discussion?
Will we see her on JK soon?

gordyslovesheep · 30/07/2012 18:26

my mum - 39 - boyfriend 21 ...this year they celebrate 25 years of Marriage - so up yours those who think it's dooooooomed Grin

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 18:28

Fallen - exactly, we don't know any of that information, so no one should be throwing words like slapper around. If she comes back and confirms that this is the latest in a large number of sexual partners, I will accept it, but for grown women to be branding another a slapper for having a sexual partner is just unnecessary.

BlueMoon74 · 30/07/2012 18:28

My husband is 14 yrs younger than me. We are expecting our first child. Deliriously happy. He looks older, I look older, same hobbies, same life outlook, neither of us had any baggage to bring, I hadn't done marriage/babies before, neither had he. It absolutely can work. His age doesn't make him a 'fuckbuddy' - his approach (or indeed your approach!) does.

I don't see anything majorly wrong. But I'm presuming that your friends are your age, in same life situation? (ie. kids). My friends with kids really had a problem with my relationship (some said it was sick etc), saying I was old enough to be his mum etc. or 'you were 20 when he was 6 ' I think this is where the issue lies! I got rid of those friends.

Oh. And don't forget the old jealously!!!! Before I met DH, I had a number of unsuitable flings with some very young 19/20yr olds (I was your age at the time) - honestly, most 33yr old women with kids have noooo chance of pulling a half fit 19 yr old ....they're probably just bloody jealous!

Enjoy! Life's for living. Justify it to yourself, not to other people! :)

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 18:28

OP doesn't want a relationship other than sex.

BlueMoon74 · 30/07/2012 19:01

Well..what's the problem exactly?! She's legal, he's legal. Presumably then, people tutting because she's got kids (can see that really she should keep them out of it, but then I would say that about any casual hookup, not just because he's younger!)

OP - definitely jealously! Enjoy it! (but be safe!)

Lucyellensmum99 · 30/07/2012 19:10

I called her a slapper, not because she is shagging a younger man ( good luck to her, not my choice but hey ho). I wouldn't even call her a slapper is she was shagging lots of men actually, so long as she was DISCRETE about it. But she is not, she came on here "boasting" about having a 19 year old in her bed (to be honest, i did wonder at first if she meant he was on a sleepover!) and is flaunting it in front of her children, not only that, the boy has a sibling in her childs class - that is going to be mortifying for that child WHEN its blabbed around the whole school that this boy has "had" his mother. I called her a slapper because of her general attitude. Well actually i didnt call her a slapper, i said she had painted a picture of herself as one. I actually said she was full of shit too.

As for jealous - really??? Hmm

StateofConfusion · 30/07/2012 19:14

My mums 45 this year her husbands 27, they're very happy and my lifes easier for knowing she is happy. I was an only child my dad legged it asap after I arrived. They have two dc and lifes good. So NOT always doomed.

That said I'd be pissed if it were my son.

Lucyellensmum99 · 30/07/2012 19:20

Blue moon - i would presume that you woudlnt flaunt your young lovers in front of your children though! THAT is the difference. We all have our sexual preferences, i personally prefer older men. Saying that my DD did bring a friend home once and i did think phwooarrr, and he did spend an awful lot of time with her (even though she had long term DP), but spent most of the time talking to me (about russian literature! - swoon). I think he was about 19 as was my DD, i did flirt abit, but there is no way i would have gone there, im happy with my DP. If i wasn't in a relationship, would i have? I don't honestly know - i don't think i would actually, as my DD would have been mortified. All pie in the sky though (and maybe im flattering myself a teensy bit but its nice to think someone - anyone [desperate] finds you attractive).

VegansTasteBetter · 30/07/2012 19:20

people date teenagers becasue they can't handle someone their own age and because a teenager won't know how shit they are in bed

Lucyellensmum99 · 30/07/2012 19:22

But Stateofconfusion - the OP only wants a fuck buddy, she just needs to keep him separate from her children and be a mother at the appropriate times, instead of making cow eyes at one of her dc's school friends siblings.

StateofConfusion · 30/07/2012 19:30

That's true, I'd not seen that he'd been around the dcs.

And as I said I wouldn't be happy were it my son.

thekidsrule · 30/07/2012 19:33

the ops ???? wasnt about a long term relationship

why are other peoples age difference (longterm) partners being bought up,its got nothing to do with the ?????

you can hardly compare a longterm relationship and its logistics V a fuck buddy relationship

personally i have no idea why the op asked as she clearly dosent have a problem and is looking for the shock value Smile

honeytea · 30/07/2012 20:46

I don't understand the issue with DC meeting a boyfriend/fuckbuddy.

Why is it so bad if they are with him when the mother is there, it's not like the mum will be pinching toyboy's bum or saying anything rude, just watching TV or eating dinner with him isn't really bad is it?

It wouldn't be an issue if it was a work friend or neighbor so why does the fact that she fucks him once they are asleep matter?

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 20:56

Lucyellensmum - I don't know or care if you are jealous. But that's how you paint yourself when you make cheap shots.

I agree though, about the children. I've said that all the way through, As you say WHEN it is blabbed around school, Her child and lovers sibling will suffer for it. Which i think is wholly unfair. I still don't think it makes her a slapper, But that is probably what her child will have to hear her called by other children.

Honeytea The issue is that children listen to their parents, OP is already the subject of gossip, children do pick it up, and will probably use it as a stick to beat OPs child over the head with for the rest of her school life.

honeytea · 30/07/2012 21:05

The issue isn't that her children are around the toyboy the issue is that somehow everyone knows and that isn't because the kids have said anything (I assume?) The kids would still be teased about it even if they had never met mr toyboy.

Lucyellensmum99 · 30/07/2012 22:24

queenofdiamonds touche!!! I'll put it in a more politically correct manner then, i dont much like the term slapper myself really - because by some peoples criteria id be classed as one (i don't have enough fingers and toes to count the amount of men i have slept with, for a start). I think that the OP is a) full of shit, and probably only fantasising about having this boy in her bed and b) a terrible parent. She has more regard for her own pleasures of animalistic fucking Hmm than protecting her children from being the brunt to playground gossip, at the very least. I can only but imagine the sort of woman she is. Is that better than slapper, because that is my honest opinion.

Fuck as many men as you like (i have) of any age (so long as its legal) but don't do it on your doorstep. Its easy really.

differentnameforthis · 30/07/2012 23:38

I'd have an issue with someone using my teenage ds (not that I have one) for sex. I would also have an issue with a grown ma using my teenage daughter for sex.

And imagine the uproar if a man said I like being able to dominate her in the bedroom

Just urgh!

My mum had a toy boy. When I was 16 I was dating a 22 yr old, she was dating a 21 yr old. I didn't really care that much tbh. I had left school by then, but I am pretty sure that your dd is in for world of bullying once her class find out you are shagging her friend's brother. I am also pretty sure mum will not be happy about it.

SoleSource · 30/07/2012 23:43

Can a 19 year old be good in bed¿