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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's nothing wrong with having a toyboy?

182 replies

SenseUL · 29/07/2012 21:55

Name changed for this, just in case.

I'm 33, 2 DDs (7 and 3), single, and recently had a 19 year old in my bed.

Already heard I'm being talked about unfavourabley by friends, peers etc who have found out (although I haven't broadcasted it to the world!)

AIBU?

OP posts:
Lucyellensmum99 · 30/07/2012 00:02

That may well be fallen, but i do!

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 00:13

'That may well be fallen, but i do!'

He shuddered and said it's like Mrs Robinson in The Graduate.Grin
Too much Simon and Garfunkel in his early years.
I think he has an image of the OP as some withered Mummy, I'm not going to dissuade him.

Lucyellensmum99 · 30/07/2012 00:17

Now see, i am not thinking Jerry Hall when i think of the OP, it would be rude for me to say who im casting in the lead role!

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 00:25

Well, she wants someone she can dominate in the bedroom, someone she can teach how to have sex. Someone unthreatening and inexperienced who has no comparison to make.
Still think she should get a vibrator instead.

Mellower · 30/07/2012 00:28

I don't like them too young as they can be too un-experienced ime Blush but I cannot find any men I like the same age as me, I like them around 8/9/10 years younger.

Mellower · 30/07/2012 00:31

I had a 21 year old chasing me for a bit.... I ran for the hills!!!

TOO young even for "sum fun"!!

OhDearNigel · 30/07/2012 01:24

wonder why you didn't want a relationship with someone with more life experience

Er, I don't think she's looking for a serious relationship. Sounds like the OP is enjoying a bit of no strings attached frivolity. All power to her elbow.

Ignore the naysayers. They're probably just jealous Grin

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 02:29

Anyone who reads 50 shades has no business dishing out advice on the sex lives of others, Lucyellensmum!

I don't see a problem in the age gap. But I might be concerned over the sibling. Children do hear their parents gossiping. My friends mum has a baby who died of SIDs, and some nasty-arse parents obviously said some horrible things, because when her eldest son went back to school he was bullied and accused of killing his brother. Apparently the parents had been speculating that the elder boy had tried to feed the baby biscuits and he had choked on it.

I know that's an extreme, and tragic example, But children do pick up on nasty gossip, and they do act on it, and it does have an effect on the child.

I would tread carefully for the sake of the children involved.

honeytea · 30/07/2012 10:30

I agree that the sibling in DD's class is an issue, what it DD goes to school boasting about having fun with the class mates brother in the evenings?

I don't think him spending time with the kids is an issue, it's not like you can stop spending time with people once you have kids, the kids hopefully won't know you are shagging him. If they did find out because of school gossip I think you'd have to stop. Your DD may well spend time with "toyboy" at her class mates birthday party!

Lucyellensmum99 · 30/07/2012 10:30

Err where have i dished out advice on sex? I have had the misfortune of reading the first book yes, curiosity and all that, i certainly don't take my sex tips from chick lit Hmm So i don't read 50 shades - yuck, you have made me feel quite dirty :)

What i have the problem with is the fact that the OP, if she is genuine, which i actually doubt, is talking about having her fuck buddy to her house when her children are around - who does she tell them he is? Its all very Shamelessesque if you ask me. I makes not one jot of difference how old they are. I am the opposite and prefer older men and a 14 year age gap would probably be my average in the past. But its the kids, as you right say, she needs to be considering. Its too naff to be sordid even, i just think she must have pretty low regard for her children if she has this boy around with the intention of fucking him the minute the kids go to bed. If it were a relationship id be Hmm about the 19 yo having the maturity to take on the kids (even if the OP was only five years older actually) but some do, and thats a very different thing. The OP has made herself into a parody of an over made up slapper im afraid, and i don't know why she is happy to paint herself this way because she is bullshitting i suspect

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 10:51

I'm really not jealous. Honestly.
Revolted and judgy, yes but most definitely not envious. I often have a houseful of fit, toned young men under 24 and have no wish to shag any of them.

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 10:53

So, you will keep your toyboy, dismiss the negative comments of other parents as jealousy and tell your children that you intend to shag whoever you like, and it's not their business.
Sounds like a plan.

rainydaysarebad · 30/07/2012 10:56

YABU to have introduced him to your kids...but that's already been said and you don't seem to give a shit. So good luck.

Ormiriathomimus · 30/07/2012 10:58

LOL! His mum is going to love you Grin

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 11:00

Not if she's anything like me, she's not!

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 12:56

Lucy - I was joking!

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a shag when your children have gone to bed. If it were a man of her age, or an older man, I don't think that fact would get the sort of comments here.

I also don't like the term slapper and similar. She is sleeping with one man. You are all acting like schoolgirls using langiage like that. Have some bloody dignity yourselves, all you've achieved is making someone think of you as some rancid dried up bitter old cow.

As I said before, the actual problem is the children. They will find out when it all goes tits up, because they will hear their own parents gossiping, and the OPs child, and fuckbuddies sibling will suffer for that.

manicbmc · 30/07/2012 12:58

There's no guarantee the kids would get hurt.

The OP is having some fun, let her be.

Yay cougars! Grin

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 13:00

'all you've achieved is making someone think of you as some rancid dried up bitter old cow.'

Or the parent of a teenager.

honeytea · 30/07/2012 13:47

I can't see why his mum would have an issue with it, he is 19 after all. 19 year olds can choose to have sex with how ever they like and I think that he is probably a lot more safe with a 30 something year old mum than he is going and having one night stands with girls his own age (or even younger.)

I'm sure the idea of your kids having sex with anyone isn't very nice but it is their choice to make. At least it is adult consensual sex.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 17:44

Fallen - Sorry, I didn't realise being the parent of a teenager makes it acceptable to call other women slappers.

OlympicTeaDrinker · 30/07/2012 17:52

I think technically you could be his mum so a bit wrong that way but I don't mind younger men at all (I've had them) as long as it isn't too young.

He shouldn't have been/be introduced to your children until you were/are both sure about each other.
I was a child who saw every single one of my mums "boyfriends" whether they be one night stands or serious relationships. It wasn't good.
You should keep him private till your both ready for him to be introduced. Is he ready to play father to your children? Beause that is how they will see it.

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 17:52

I haven't called her a slapper, I said she was a user.

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 17:54

I also said that I'd feel the same way if my 19 year old DD was being used as a fuckbuddy by a man of 33 in the same circumstances.

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 17:57

'You are all acting like schoolgirls using langiage like that. Have some bloody dignity yourselves, all you've achieved is making someone think of you as some rancid dried up bitter old cow.'

'Fallen - Sorry, I didn't realise being the parent of a teenager makes it acceptable to call other women slappers.'

They are both quotes from you, aren't they QOD? Do you see the irony?
You call other women names because they have a different opinion?

OlympicTeaDrinker · 30/07/2012 18:01

Just so you are aware It will affect them.

You will act differently around him whether you mean to or not.

If he is only good enough to be a fuck buddy then why do you want to introduce him to your children?? Confused

I'm sorry but I will call a woman who introduces every Tom, Dick and Harry in her life into her childrens lives as a slapper.