to not ask my DD to quieten down

[humptyhump]

This has happened on a few occasions now.
My DD can be quite noisy when we are at soft play/activity centre, she is very vocal in her playing, squeals and screeches when she's excited etc
However my friend who I usually attend the places with (with her DS) always makes comments on how loud she is, sometimes she says it in a jokey way 'oh your so loud haha' and other times she makes comments on how she's got a headache
AIBU to not tell my DD, we are at play centres surely this is the place where she should be allowed to let off some steam and have fun without a bossy adult commenting about it
Her DS is just under a year younger and isn't talking much so not much noise from him

I think I would be discouraging screeching and screaming in a child old enough (and excepting children with special needs) to be talked to and timed out for obnoxious behaviour.

I don't mind a bit of over-excited kids running around and making some noise, but I am really sensitive to really loud noises (high pitched screams are worst) and I'd really rather not endure it when it could be corrected.

Obviously kids aren't perfect, and I don't expect to personally go and enjoy soft play, but I would quite like to go and not get a horrible headache too. My tolerance is more stretchy when it comes to young babies and children with special needs, as you understand that that isn't the same thing, but I don't like seeing obnoxious behaviour stand uncorrected in children capable of being taught otherwise.

I love sitting outside in my garden on nice morning having a cup of tea. Also love hearing children laugh and play and giggle, But unfortunatley I have a neighbour who lets her children scream high pitched, squeal and shout very very loudly its the most infuriating thing ever. So as you can imagine i don't sit out very much.

Both of mine get a bit high-pitched when over-excited, especially DD. I take them aside and speak to them about it because it's unpleasant for others, including myself. I would do this in a public place and also when they play in our garden because I'm well aware that our neighbours may not want to hear loud screaming and screeching when they're in their own gardens.

Triggles Do you mean to be so rude? Ilovesooty was being perfectly polite to you and you responded with embarrassingly childish sarcasm.

And just for the record Triggles, loud noise doesn't bother me. What does bother me is screehing and squealing whoever's doing it.

I've never found soft play places too noisy, never complained about anyone's children making a noise but screeching does my head in and so I think the OP is being unreasonable in allowing her daughter to continue doing it.

I like how people just assume that because I don't mind children making noise in soft play areas that I let my child screech unendingly. Interesting. Apparently there is no middle ground in some people's minds.

And I'm not being "callous" to another child with SNs. If a parent takes a child to a noisy place (like a soft play) and that child does not cope with noise well, they need to be prepared to take the child elsewhere if it becomes too much. That's what WE do. That's what I expect ANYONE to do.

If a child is making noise in a place that is generally accepted to be a quiet place, then I expect the parent to take the noisy child out of there. That's what WE do. That's what I expect ANYONE to do.

If noise bothers you, do you go to a rock concert? Probably not. It's not like you can ask them to turn the music down to suit you. If the noise in any other generally noisy place bothers you (such as a soft play), then don't go. It's just common sense. What are you going to do - go around every time a child shrieks and demand they be quiet? When there's 30+ children there? Even if each child just shrieks a couple times, that's a lot of shrieking. And another child comes in - very excited - shrieks for a minute or so. Are you going to barge over there and demand they be quiet? Really? I suppose if you want to look like an utter loon...

waterlego You might want to reread sooty's post then. Here ya go FYI.

Its hard to explain but I would think everyone on this thread would be able to differentiate between normal children playing noise and unbearable screeching - there is is a difference.

We were at a group and a mother was encouraging her DD to scream, really loud it was almost unbearable in an enclosed room. All the other children were managing to play at normal levels this was spoiling it for everyone. The leader ended up having to politely but firmly ask the mother to get the child to stop (age 3 nearly 4 I guess so old enough to follow instructions) and the mother was doing her oooh aren't we renegade and naughty schtick. Same group the following week child was with the nanny played normally. I did think that mother was being abit of a prat.

Yes, that was sarcastic (in response to your initial rudeness) , but my question about whether you could debate a point without rudeness wasn't. Your response was childish.

Cheers waterlego

And I'm not being "callous" to another child with SNs. If a parent takes a child to a noisy place (like a soft play) and that child does not cope with noise well, they need to be prepared to take the child elsewhere if it becomes too much. That's what WE do. That's what I expect ANYONE to do.

I'll probably get flamed but I do actually agree with this. As little as I like screechy children, I have to admit that if I had a child who was exceptionally sensitive to noise, I probably would avoid soft play!

Triggles, only you really know if you're being unreasonable or not. I think in your shoes I'd ignore the sarcastic posts (yes, there have been some and yes, yours were some of them) and really think about if your DD is too 'squealy' or not.

YABU if it's that earsplitting shriek that some children make. Tell her to pack it in.

And as usual, what Thumbwitch said

melon well, as my DD is 26, I'd say she probably isn't... well, unless she sees a spider, then all bets are off.

My DS2, on the other hand, can sometimes be a bit screechy, but then he has communication problems, and a number of SNs that cause loads of difficulties for him. It's funny... I generally do say something to him quietly if he is getting screechy, but it's to calm him down as he gets overexcited or distressed at another child throwing balls or something like that. But loads of kids (including some that are children of friends we're at the play place with) make lots of noise, and I would never consider saying anything. I'm quite happy to let them all blow off steam and be rowdy. Now, if they were being screechy and running all over on the bus, then I might say something, as that IS in appropriate. (and I would of course say something to DS as well, although due to his SNs, it's sometimes difficult for him to control it)

Tell ya what, when everyone else on MN acts like an adult, then I'll worry about a harmless childish remark like that. Good grief. Wear some big girl pants already. It wasn't THAT big a deal. You wander through AIBU and some mild sarcasm upsets you? Wow. Wait until you encounter teenagers...

Sorry, melon that last comment was not aimed at you, btw. Just replying to sooty.

"Are you implying that my child with SNs can "change" his condition and easily just not screech at all? Well, "Wow" right back at ya then. I'll go let the others on the SNs board know. I had no idea this was possible."

Where did I say any of this? I have also stated my daughter does not have a problem with loud noise in general, but I imagine prolonged, abnormal screeching would at least distress her and at worst be uncomfortable for her.
SN is different. What I would be angry at is if my daughter were expected to 'put up with it' or leave in order for a child to screech on the grounds that it is "expressing her/himself". Which is what the op is about.

I would only become angry after this is established though. I would not go charging over demanding action, as you are quite right - they could be screeching due to having a condition themselves - but that is not what we are talking about.

High pitched screaming/squealing is inevitable, but it most definitely should be discouraged.

She's 26? You are definitely BU then

It is one of the Mumsnet mysteries though: someone asks AIBU, people rudely say she is, she responds rudely and then is told that clearly she must have that attitude in RL so therefore is beyond any shadow of a doubt UR!

Triggles, Your 'Yup, whatever' was rude and childish. Ilovesooty pointed this out to you, then asked politely if you could debate a point without being rude. Your response to her proved that you cannot.

Didn't see the SN's debate. Two of my dc have autism and do scream a lot. I still discourage it though.

In fact, I daresay that if everyone applied some common sense and manners, and stopped this "expressing themselves" horseshit when it comes to their children screeching and acting like hooligans-in-training, people with children who have SN would not end up with others assuming that they just can't be arsed to control their children, because it would then be obvious that there is a reason for the SNs child's behaviour.

Especially as when one screams it distresses the other as they are both very noise sensitive!

It is, melon. I get sarcasm thrown at me, I reply for the most part calmly with a little mild sarcasm, also being reasonable as my POV is valid as well, and people get all frothy. Boggles the mind, it does. Ah, well.

I'd say "whatever" to it all, but apparently it offends some.

Tell ya what, when everyone else on MN acts like an adult, then I'll worry about a harmless childish remark like that. Good grief. Wear some big girl pants already. It wasn't THAT big a deal. You wander through AIBU and some mild sarcasm upsets you?

I'm not upset by mild sarcasm. Your rudeness is of the talk to the hand variety. And your OTT passive agressive response when you're called on it is pathetic. If you'd told me to fuck off it would have been far less childish and rude.

Ok, I have not read the whole thread but YANBU. There are so many places where in this overpopulated, overcrowded country we have to make our children suppress their vivaciousness. It is horrible that there appears to be no where that they are allowed to just express themselves.

So swearing makes it less childish and rude? Pardon me.. laughing over here. Must say that's a new one.

I think the trouble with your 'mild' sarcasm Triggles, is that it is obscuring your argument, for me at least.

But a 3-4 year is perfectly capable of self expression without screeching!