To be hurt/narked that new BF doesnt want to stay over.

[watchoutforthatsnail]

Ive been seeing him just over two months, its all going great, having lots of fun. However he just doesnt want to sleep over. He has a few times, but doesnt sleep - says he cant sleep with somone else in a bed and isnt used to it.
Which i supose is fair enough... but, i dont know, makes me feel crap.
We had plans for sat through to sunday. Sat 11pm he develeoped a headache so decided he wanted to go home at 12. he doesnt drive, so i had to take him home. Sunday we saw each other...
We had rough plans for monday night - through till tue, which he posponed till last night. He had been going to stay then, seeing as i have the next day off and could take him to work ( in the same town as me, he lives the next town along).
Anyway - he postponed, no worries. last night we saw each other, all great - until at 11:45 pm he decides hes not staying and wants to go home, again with me having to take him.
( dd is with her father at this point, this isnt happening when she is about)

I feel its a little bit crap

We are going away for the weekend together and he has said hes a bit worried about the sleeping thing.

Ive not been anything other than understanding, but im a little bit hurt, and then narked off with the late night driving about too.

AIBU and making something out of nothing?

Not at all, that sounds very odd. Could he be married?

It does seem rather odd. Surely part of intimacy isn't just sex, but sleeping together? And what if you've had a drink during the evening? Or does he expect you not to drink in case he needs a lift home?

Actually, I hesitate to mention this. But are you sure he doesn't have an OH at home? (Whoops, X-posting)

No, hes not. He still lives at home ( is in his 20's)
I think its odd.
Esp since i live quite near his work.. like a 5 min drive. But, when i take him back to his town, it takes him 40 mins of walking/ train rides. makes no sense.

AND, you know, its late, post sex, we cuddle, talk for a bit, all sleepy, then have to jump up and drive 25 mins each way in the dark.

Well, the fact that he can't drive would put me off from the start so I wouldn't be seeing him. I certainly wouldn't be his late night taxi service. He sounds like more trouble than he's worth to me.

I assume you are having sex?

Sorry but this is weird. He doesn't sound ready for any kind of relationship. Move on.

I dont really drink that much, neither does he, so its not an issue.
Trains dont run that late either.
So - i have to take him. I dont quite understand what the issue of sharing a bed with someone is, esp since he can nap anywhere.
he says its just someone ' being ' there and hes not used to it.

Sounds to me like you're a convenient shag and lift home.

Why are you taking him home? If he's so desperate to go home he can sort himself out!

Maybe his parents have given him a curfew?!

I'd be hurt too - but I'd also be worried that this a sign that he doesn't really want a relationship, just likes being with you and having sex.

Yes, we are having lots of sex. lots of.
I dont want to run him home after 5 hours of sex. im tired and want to sleep, you know.

Perhaps you just need to put your foot down and say that you're not getting out of bed in the middle of the night to drive him home - he'll just have to stay.

Although maybe he has overbearing parents who don't approve of him staying out all night with his GF?

He might have sleep issues, like insomnia. He might need to sleep is his own bed, not great for you or the relationship though. Ask him.

Maybe he's got some kind of issue like sleep walking or talks in his sleep?

Talk to him about it!!

Perhaps he'd be less inclined to scarper if he knows he has to walk/taxi home? Just put your foot down. Perhaps how he will react will tell you everything? I'm not sure I could be with someone who wanted to go home almost straight after sex. I've also just come out of a relationship with someone who doesn't drive and I can't tell you how much resentment built up from feeling like a chauffeur. Is it worth it watch?

Talk to him about his issues (they could well be genuine), and also explain what you have to us about not wanting to get up in the middle of the night to be his personal taxi.

Yabu. I have never enjoyed sleeping with a man in my bed and always have a fitful night's sleep. This has been the case with men I have really been into, so don't take it as a sign of lack of interest.

I have also never been married or been cheating on a partner while doing this. It is merely that I simply will not sleep, which is not much fun if I have to go to work the next day. Also (and I know it sounds silly) I am very self conscious about being seen in the morning without all the preparation iyswim.

I'm aware I'm in the minority here, and I know most women enjoy being held by a man all night etc, but just to give another perspective on the sleep issue - it really probably is a harmless reason.

He should make his own way home, though. One offs, maybe, but any more is taking the piss.

i cant sleep with someone else in the bed either..i realise it's a bit unnusual & lots of people enjoy the intimacy of sleeping together.
I enjoy affection & cuddling etc, but i have to be separate for sleeping

He can't settle at his sleepover so after he has has his shag(s), you have to get up take him home to Mummy and Daddy?

Bloody hell fire!

I have spoken to him about it, and he says he knows that i wouild like him to stay. But that he wont sleep and will be really tired at work - which is fair enough, cant argue with that.

he says hes not really stayed the night much before, and just isnt used to it, and its not anything ive done but just that hes not used to someone else being there.

He will have no choice this weekend as we are camping. So - not only has he got to spent the night, but hes also got to spend it on an airbed!!!!! quite what will happen i dont know, but i expect it might be telling.....

he couldnt walk home - its 12 miles to his house, so i have to drive.

Tell him the next time that you won't be taking him home and see what he says. If it's a dealbreaker for him coming at all then you know where you stand!

He may have a real issue with it, but he needs to tell you what it is so you can decide whether you can be arsed dealing with it!

In that case he's being a baby and he should at least make an attempt to 'get used to it' (it was new to everyone once).

Whatever happens, you need a solution that doesn't involve you driving 24 miles in the middle of the night all the time.

Mercury, are you me? I could have written your post!

I wouldn't have sex for hours, either, unless you really want to (personally if he was doing it right, 5 hours of sex would soon become rather tedious)

Is he a carer or something?

Maybe he hasn't told his parents about you for some reason?

It is odd.

the general driving isnt an issue - hes doing other things for me, like fixing my bed and blind and cutting my grass, so its working out in other ways, if that makes sense.

Just this sleeping over issue is bothering me and i dont know if im being unfair feeling narked about it.

Maybe he wets the bed or something. Or maybe he's really 16 and his parents are expecting him home!