To be hurt/narked that new BF doesnt want to stay over.

[watchoutforthatsnail]

Ive been seeing him just over two months, its all going great, having lots of fun. However he just doesnt want to sleep over. He has a few times, but doesnt sleep - says he cant sleep with somone else in a bed and isnt used to it.
Which i supose is fair enough... but, i dont know, makes me feel crap.
We had plans for sat through to sunday. Sat 11pm he develeoped a headache so decided he wanted to go home at 12. he doesnt drive, so i had to take him home. Sunday we saw each other...
We had rough plans for monday night - through till tue, which he posponed till last night. He had been going to stay then, seeing as i have the next day off and could take him to work ( in the same town as me, he lives the next town along).
Anyway - he postponed, no worries. last night we saw each other, all great - until at 11:45 pm he decides hes not staying and wants to go home, again with me having to take him.
( dd is with her father at this point, this isnt happening when she is about)

I feel its a little bit crap

We are going away for the weekend together and he has said hes a bit worried about the sleeping thing.

Ive not been anything other than understanding, but im a little bit hurt, and then narked off with the late night driving about too.

AIBU and making something out of nothing?

Bedwetter? I once slept with someone who wet the bed. I was mortified: "What if he thinks it was me?!". Thinking about it, I realised that it was unlikely to be the first time he had done it so he would know perfectly well who the real culprit was. Anyway, I just include this anecdote to show that adult bedwetters in their twenties do exist.

I know it sounds a bit far out, but might explain yor boyfriend's reluctance to fall aslpeep.

He's not ex forces is he? I knew a woman who'se boyfriend wouldn't sleep in the same bed as her...he'd been affected by war.

Is this man functional in other ways? Is he working?

but he naps at work and has napped at mine, without weeing. i really dont think that is an issue. he also used to stay at someones weekly when he was in a band, and slept fine there.

yes, we dont tend to take any rubbish on the dating thread - usually because we all have been messed around so much by men in the past. Possibly why this is narking me too....always on the look out for red flags.

not ex forces. lol. Im an ex forces wife though.

And yes, fully functioning..... he works for the council. Cooks for himself, shops for himself, does his own washing....

I do know a fair few people that dont drive, they arent scrubs, but just dont drive for various reasons. But there is a difference between someone who doesnt drive and still gets about and someone who doesnt drive and expects others to run around after them.

I completely agree OP - I know a few people (my mum included) who don't drive, but they get themselves around completely independently. Problem is, your BF isn't one of those and, by telling you he wants to go home after the last train, he is expecting you to run around after him. He could quite easily call a taxi, go home before the last train, call his mum or just suck it up, rather than expecting you to drive in the middle of the night. As for him saying "I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you..." He isn't sorry, if he was he wouldn't put you in that position in the first place.

Glad you've told him you're not prepared to be his late night taxi service anymore and his reaction to that will tell you all you need to know. Hopefully he's just not thinking about how selfish he's being and he will realise he's being unreasonable.

Go easy on him. Tell him that if he wants to see you, he needs to be prepared to get a taxi home. Who wants to drive someone home after a few hours of sex? Mmm, me

I am exactly the same as your partner. I cannot stand the thought of sleeping in the same bed as my partner. So he moved out but we're still together -just-

-and- -I- -still- -get- -to- -sleep- -with- -him- -just- -no- -snoring/farting- -in- -my- -bed-

hopefully - and if not ill have to deal with it then.
Hes not replied to my text yet......

Hmmm.

So what happens if you want to spend the whole weekend together? I'd be really sad to miss out on the intimacy of sleeping together, the little touches in the night, increasing a bit as you wake up together, leading to some lovely morning sex...

I'm trying my best to see nothing wrong with him sleeping in another room but the reality is i'd feel rejected and pissed off.

It can be a bit nerve wracking and awkward as you get used to sleeping with someone but you do get used to it. It's crap that he doesn't even try, and i don't believe he didn't sleep at all those times, sometimes it can feel like you haven't slept but in reality you've had at least three hours.

As for driving him home, no way... get tae fuck! Just no way.

Doomed from the start. Mummies boy and possibly gay.

Solesource

I don't drive. But I am pretty much independent (often to the extent of cutting my nose off to spite my face, never ask for lifts etc) If I cant get somewhere under my own steam/public transport, then I don't go.

I'd hate to think men were ruling me out simply because I don't drive (though maybe that explains my ongoing lack of success?!)

Watch, the BF of mine I mentioned was quite capable even though he lived at home, he didnt get on with his mum so used to do his own washing & ironing, buy & cook his own food, etc, it wasnt like living at home in the sense my Evil Ex did/does where he never lifts a finger & his mum does everything.

Have you had any reply to your text yet?

I assume it is one of two things...

He is not comfortable in your home for some physical reason

or he wets the bed

He sounds normal and affectionate....so it must be something else.

Ask him if he has a health problem which puts him off staying over.

no reply as yet.....

no, i really dont think he wets the bed. he has stayed over a few times, maybe 4? and has slept, though not much. and didnt wee, I dont for one second think its that.

I think hes just really paticular about how he sleeps ( also only sleeps with ear plugs in and something over his head - apparently a hang over from shared uni house) so i think hes just got into some ' must haves' to sleep and cant seem to/ doesnt want to break them.

Lubey - we have spend the whole weekend together, its been great, like you say. This sat was the first time hes bailed so late, and i think had it have not been followed so quickly by the same thing happening i wouldnt have minded so much.

I think if he did slink off to the sofa in the night i would feel crap too,but maybe less narked than driving 25 miles round trip at midnight.

I think he just wants the fun and sex and not the commitment of a serious relationship.

If that's ok with you then fine but make him get a taxi home!! Don't drive him the cheeky sod.

Ear plugs and a face mask!!! Sheldon from big bang theory!!

I don't think the not being able to drive is an issue. A lot of people don't drive that's up to them. But it is selfish to want to be taken home in the middle of the night by you. And doesn't sound as if he is ready for any kind of commitment. Still there might be some other rational explanation as to why he won't stay over. As others have suggested. So maybe not write him off quite yet!

He will have no choice this weekend as we are camping. So - not only has he got to spent the night, but hes also got to spend it on an airbed!!!!! quite what will happen i dont know, but i expect it might be telling.....

I hope this doesn't happen but don't be surprised if he bales out of the trip.

he wont, i gave him an ' out' on monday, which he didnt take, and he surprised me by telling me he had brought a few things for the trip.
and hes text this morning to say hes getting excited about it.
so - i think it will be fine.

Not being funny but is your house/bathroom clean?

of course it is.

I think it's that he likes spending time with you (and the sex) but doesn't want more intimacy.

All the other stuff being said is just exaggerating imo.

Single or shared airbed?

shared airbed.
hes not even acknowleged what ive said about the driving / sofa or anything...

??????

maybe that might be right, he might not want more intimacy. or maybe im racing it, it hasnt been that long?

That's it op, trust me. Don't take it to heart. I'm sure you'll have a lovely weekend.

but you still haven't actually told him outright that this is becoming a potential deal breaker for you. You've worded it as though it was just a mild irritation from last night.

If you expect him to respond to what you meant by your text, then tell him outright what is bothering you!

Some men do not read between the lines at all!!!