To not know what to do when ill & pregnant

[worriedwretch]

I feel terrible
Am write this with eyes nearly closed hurts so much my head feels horrific
I have flu like ache and the bottom of my back is so tender as aches
Ive had a fever and nausea stomach pains feel totally wiped out

Dp taking care of kids but wants to phone MW

I taken sone paracetamol

I'm 36 + 3

Mine would take the day off and drag me to the dr if I was as ill as you were yesterday, he took a few days off when I burned myself a few months ago and then took another day off the following week to take me to get my dressings changed.

If I just had a bug he wouldnt but my mum is round the corner and she would come and sort out the kids.

Our agreement (when I was on Mat Leave) was that if I was sick enough to take time off work had I been working, then DH would take time off to look after the kids so that I could rest up. He and I knew though that I rarely take time off unless I really am very sick and it worked well for us. In the situation you are in now, I would not even have to ask him; it's so utterly obvious that your DP should be at home. Mine would simply have phoned in and asked for time off.

I hope you feel better soon.

I would have to be in the morgue before dh took a day off to look after the dcs.

Once he called his mum to come and help before he left for work. At the time I only had ds and he napped for 3 hours in the afternoon. MIL arrived just as he was about to go to sleep .

This last pregnancy I was very ill towards the end with a tummy bug. I couldn't eat anything without it coming out in spectacular fashion the other end within a few mins. I was weak and wobbly and could hardly stand let alone walk. He did manage to organise some of his calls to do a few school runs (dd to nursery at 8.30, ds1 school at 9, dd pick up 11.30, ds1 pick up 3.15) but that was it, I did the rest of the school runs and looked after the dcs.

That is just what dh is like. He doesn't take time off work either, his work is pretty flexible and he can work from home so if he is ill he works from home. I have known him to call in sick twice, once when he couldn't stop throwing up and once when he had flu (real flu not man flu). It doesn't occur to him to not expect the same standards from the rest of us.

I have to say that we do have this issue a bit in my house too.

Partner runs a company with another guy and unless one of them is there it can't run, staff can't be let in etc, although the main issue for my partner is if he isn't there they don't make money. Anyway this has cause problems in past with us. As much as I understand this when you're ill it does go out the window a bit as you feel so vulnerable.

I was in hospital recently and typically the other guy who runs the business was on holiday so my OH had to open up, sort the kids out by dropping them off at breakfast club and then going to work. I didn't mind having him not there whilst I was in as I didn't feel that ill and my friend was coming in plus he fidgets so much and taps the Hosp bed with his foot it gives me utter rage

He just collected the kids and came on in with them, it worked ok. If I had been in your position OP he probably would have still gone to work but made sure I was ok, sorted children out or just taken day off if I was really bad.

He doesn't have time off ever, he's even gone to work with a plastered wrist and plastered leg (not at the same time!).

We did have a issue once in the past similair to the OP and after that I made it perfectly clear if I am ill, and feel that bad I don't want to hear about work, family comes first and he can deal with work later.

Not to look after me, but only yesterday he took the morning off so he could look after DS whilst I had a filling. The measure for illness is whether I can handle making food and nappy changes.

DH would always, always take the day off work if I told him I was too unwell to cope with looking after the children. Without question. He would always put our welfare first. And if roles were reversed I would be exactly the same.

I cannot believe someone who loves you could happily leave you alone when very unwell, in the late stages of pregnancy, with 2 small children to look after. Seems pretty inhumane!

His behaviour has really shocked me. He had no idea what was the matter with you - you could have collapsed at home with small children.

What's his job? Does he work for himself? What would happen if he didn't go in?

My DH would probably have gone to work in that situation but he would also have phoned MIL to come and look after me and DS. If I phoned him in a panic, saying that I could not cope, he would have made an effort to come home early.

I don't think all husbands/partners/dads who work full time have a very realistic idea of what looking after 2 small children while heavily pregnant actually involves (I am currently 25 weeks pregnant and DH thinks I am slacking if I say that I am tired at the end of the day - it has caused some major arguments recently).

Thing is, it is all very well saying your dh would stay home if you were that ill but maybe her dh thought that since she wouldn't go to labour ward then she couldn't be that ill? I've already said I would have to be in the morgue before he stayed home but if I was that ill and said to him "I need to see someone can you take me to the hospital" he would do so. At the start of the thread the op was telling her dh not to bother the MW and he was trying to make her call the Dr/MW so you can't really blame the poor man for thinking that she was ok to look after the kids since she herself was telling him she didn't need medical care.

Anyway, glad you are ok op, hope that you recover soon and if you feel worse seek help sooner rather than later.

My DH would stay if I absolutely didn't have any other option. But his instinct would be to go to work, and if he thought about it long enough, phone my Mum to ask her to come and sit with the children.

I think it's up to him to make the decision if she's that ill. I know when I had mastitis and couldn't think straight because my temperature was so high, my sister (on here and a nurse) shouted at my husband that it was up to him to make the decision rather than me - it quite shocked him (what, me? I should do something?) but he did call the doctor for a home visit.

If someone clearly isn't well, you shouldn't expect them to act rationally with regard to hospitals/doctors.

Hope you feel better soon worried

My DH would absolutely take time off work to care for me and has done for many reasons in the past despite it being difficult for him to do so

I think it's worth remembering that even if you a a sah parent the other parent is equally as responsible for the children especially if the main carer is unwell. If you both worked full time and the cm was ill or the nursery closed then someone would have to care for the children. If you are too ill to care for your dc then it is the other parents responsibly to step in, it's not a choice and that's even without a decent person caring about their ill pregnant wife

OP, just read the thread. I hope you feel better soon.

If I told my DH I was too sick to look after the DCs he would take the day off without question.

If I'd passed a night of needing cold flannels every two hours to relieve my fever, he would take the next day off without question.

Absolutely, my DH would. No way would he leave me and the DC crying while he walked out the door like that

He is very responsible, he has not taken a sick day for himself in six years. When I was ill and pregnant though he took time off, even though it meant losing wages, because he was worried about leaving me on my own.

In your situation, I would seriously be wondering if my husband really cared for me at all. Why is your friend over making you dinner instead of him doing it? Why did he go to work today even now that it's confirmed you're ill?

He sounds very unkind. I hope you feel better soon.

DH would and has done - had a D&V while on mat leave and breastfeeding and he stayed home so I could stay in bed and recover - just brought baby in for feeds. I'm rather shocked at your DH TBH. Hope you feel better soon though and that your mum and others are looking after you.

How are you feeling now OP?

BP raised still,

she says not to worry, but also, if it goes up any more i have to go to the hospital - which seems like conflicting advise

any one give me any help? from booking in, and 2 weeks ago at 34 weeks it was 100/50 and now its 120/80 which to me sounds fine but she says thats high for me as normally im steady 100/50

Sorry I can't help as I always had really low BP (70/40!). Hopefully someone will be able to tell you if that is a big increase.

Are they coming back to check it for you soon?

We always go on your booking BP as a baseline and if yours was 100/50 at booking and has remained around that then your recent one would have been significant enough for me to call labour ward and ask for advice as you said urine was clear?

Are you having any headaches? Peeing ok?

If in doubt id probably be calling labour ward for further advice.

Emptycrisps - I feel totally woozed out
Weeing ok - but she didn't ask that. She did dip my wee though and all clear

Although im clearly dehydrated by my sample

Hope u feel better soon :(

Thank you. Wish i actually felt reassured by seeing the Mw though

What is it your still unsure about?

My BP

She seemed concerned - kept reminding me about babies movements etc

Any flashy lights or swelling headaches etc?