MIL and new baby.

[Rachog]

I had a baby on Monday, we came home from hospital on Tuesday.

MIL and I don't get on and havent spoken since we had a row over dsd 9 weeks ago. However I told dp that she was of course welcome to come and visit
ds. She came round on Tuesday when we got home an stayed just over an hour, she didn't speak to me once in all that time but to be fair I didn't speak to her either.

Now however dp wants to take baby round to hers on his own for a visit in the week. I really don't want to be seperated from ds just yet and we are trying to get breast feeding established. I have said she can come here anytime, no restrictions but I just don't want him to take baby.

She only lives a 5 nun drive away so if ds wanted feeding they could be back quickly.

So am I being unreasonable? I think maybe I am a little but I can't help how I feel.

My partner wouldn't have had a chance of this either. Your baby belongs with you,

YANBU

YANBU

No you call the shots when they are that young. It's your way or no way.

I don't really think you are being unreasonable. You aren't stopping her seeing her grandchild. IMO it's only natural for a new mum to want to be with her new baby, by the sound of things it is only while he is so small and you would be ok with DP taking your DS to his mum's in a few weeks (when the baby won't need as frequent feeding and has a routine established).

I didn't want to be away from my tiny babies. It's instinct and it's basic but it is right and it helps with feeding.

Your new born stays with you. MIL should undestand that.

Probably a few people will tell you DS is as much DP's baby as yours etc however I don't think YABU.

When I had DS I didn't want to be away from him for 5 minutes and if you're trying to establish BF it's even more important he's with you.

Also I find it extremely rude your MIL didn't say congratulations or tell you your new DS is beautiful. Even if you've fallen out, in your house, she should have had better manners.

You were good enough to welcome her into your home after all.

Yanbu.

Your mil sounds like a petty bitch. You have a newborn, and she is insisting on continuing feuding.

Poor you for having married into such a family.

Congratulations

Yanbu your baby belongs with you. Personally if she can't be bothered with a congratulations on the day you come out of hospital then she doesn't deserve a visit.

There is a theory called 4th trimester- during this time it's necessary to keep baby close to you- breastfeeding certainly benefits from this too.

And congratulations.

Who is your husband siding with, btw?

Euphemia, I don't think we will resolve it and have a good relationship but I would have been willing to be polite had she come in and said hello. We don't really need to speak to each other apart from the next few weeks.

Qazxc, yes definitely in a few weeks I won't have any problem with him visiting, I just really don't want him to leave me yet. I wouldn't try to stop them having a relationship just because we don't get on.

She comes to you.

And if anyone says she is as much DP's baby as yours, well when he can lactate then he is welcome to take her away as much as he likes. Baby needs to be with you when they are this small.

In a few months if you an express then fine but when baby is so tiny she's yours!

Congrats by the way :) I'm very jealous of the newborn snuggles!

Quienessential, dp is actually siding with her, he said he will be taking the baby. I told him not a chance, if she wants to see him she can cone here. We are now not talking. Although he did admit she was very rude when she visited.

Thanks everyone for the congratulations.

yanbu.

congrats!!

Gosh, you really dont need this.

Let him go live with her. Leave the bastard.

No, I think she should visit her grandchild, I really don't think it's fair to take a baby away from it's mother, to see someone that can't be bothered to make an effort with the child's mother,

I have no idea why you are not on speaking terms, even if you are in the wrong, you shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable with regards to your baby whereabouts, that is only going to add extra stress to the situation.

I was tempted to say that quienessential. I don't think he realises that it is such a big deal to me. He just sees it as he is taking his sin to his mums round the corner. Which in a few weeks.wouldn't be a problem, just not yet.

5 min drive is not going to be 5 mins. he needs to add time to strap baby into the car, to say his goodbyes to realise that baby is grizzling for food.. to persuade his mother that he needs to leave now, to park and unload at the other end and find you. tha tis a bloody long tiime for a baby who only came out less thatn a week agao. also baby has only know h for less than a week. his familiar smell/voice/heartbeat is you. it may be distressing for baby at this stage.

he is putting the wants of his mother over the needs of his child to be with its source of comfort and food. challenge him on it.

oh and congratulations

Can you get the midwife or health visitor to have a word?

Not about the whole situation, just a general "in the first few weeks you need to feel comfortable and have time to get your routine established especially when breast feeding and you need to give things like this or that some time before you do them..."

Quoteunquote I wasn't in the wrong, however I could have addressed the matter better at the time. Even if we were on speaking terms I still wouldn't want baby to go without me just yet.

Congratulations!

And no, YANBU, tell DP to get a grip too.

Commachameleon, that is actually a good idea, I might have a word.

Rightwhiteandblue I will put it to him that way and see if he backs down.

YANBU. A friend of mine was in a similar situation and let the baby go. MIL fed it out of date formula when it gone hungry and baby was away for 4 hours aged 10 days. My friend, who was breastfeeding, was in pieces not least because she'd been promised it would be an hour at the most and her DH didn't answer his mobile and MIL didn't answer the phone.