to think that being a fussy eater in someone else's home is actually quite rude?

[wrathomum]

And never even to TRY new things? Or appreciate the efforts of the host (who has multiple food sensitivites) to cater for everyone and try to provide healthy fare? And to not even feel a little bit bad about being fussy?

grendels that's a really good approach. If you are so opposed to a particular type of food and you are worried it will be served, then why not just never go out for food?

People are taking the time to make you something and you turn your nose up? Ugh. Spoilt behaviour in my book.

Yanbu. I agree OP.
My dh is a fussy eater and it gets right on my tits. Hate going anywhere to eat socially with him as it's emabarrasing watching him push food about his plate, picking at it, and with a face like someone has served him up a plate of fresh shit. Just grow up and eat it you silly, precious man.

" just eat it. It's not that big a deal."

It really is a big deal to me.

I would find it deeply distressing to have to put certain things into my mouth.

I don't understand why anyone would want me to endure that rather than just leaving it on the plate.

Surely the done thing is to say you really aren't that hungry, pick at a couple of mouthfuls, smile, say ooh it's lovely, so sorry I'm a bit off my food and stop at the takeaway on the way home??

If someone serves you something you don't like (as happened with me and The Great Prawn Disaster of 2004) you simply smile, say "mmm" and heap your plate with as much other stuff as you can. Something like potato salad is great as you can really chew it up, then slip the offending prawn/thing that you find as hideous as I find prawns in and down the chute the whole lot goes. If you do it right, it'll barely touch the sides.

But if I don't like it why would I eat it?

AThing why go out for food at others houses then?

If they invite you for dinner just politely refuse and suggest something else instead.

BlackOut because that person spent time preparing it and it is rude not to eat it?

Some people have weaker stomachs than others and would feel sick for the rest of the day if they forced food down them that they didn't like.

Some people, have serious issues (for whatever reason) most people I know have who have a real problem tell you in advance or suggest they bring their own. It is sensibly sorted.

However then there are people who are just picky, and rude with it. If people are simply not prepare to try things then they should send a list of things the don't bloody well eat in advance. If someone invites you over for Sunday roast and you don't like beef (and aren't prepared to eat it and will make a complete song and dance about). WHY THE FUCKING HELL DIDN'T YOU MENTION IT BEFORE I BOUGHT IT AND SODDING WELL COOKED IT.

I will always try and work round know likes and dislikes but you do actually have to tell me.

And don't get me started on the parents of extremely picking children that don't mention it before you've got them round for tea. Oh yes learnt that lesson. If cuthbert will only eat four things then I would like to know in advance. Ain't my job to get your child to try new food, I just want to put something in front of them that they'll eat. And no a comment of "cuthbert is so picky at home and your children are such good eaters I hoped that he'd try something new at your house", will not win you any friends. RAAAAA

.

But isn't it rude to force me to eat something I don't like?

Well, one of the things with our friend's eating issues is that he can't cope with the lack of control involved in having a friend make food for you.

I know a couple of people who don't accept food-related invitations. It suits them and better still, it suits any potential host.

I don't think I'm a fussy eater but there are some, very specific things that I truly detest and really wouldn't be able to eat. Not that I'd make a fuss about them or vomit on the table either. But then amongst our circle of friends any invitation to dinner is always accompanied by "is there anything you don't like to eat?" or, in the case of this Saturday's invitation "do you prefer a really hot curry or something milder but nicely spiced". To which my answer was the latter.

However, if you have been asked to state preferences and then turn up only to push food around the plate and behave like a toddler offered the wrong sort of cutted up pear then YABU.

No autism sensory issues can me lots of different foods are issues. Must for example:

Eggs - must be just soft boiled and only the yolk, if fried yolk must not be broken but must be soft
Pizza - must be deep cheese and tomato, will have stuffed crust tho at pizza hut
Cucumber - must be cut in rounds with no skin
Food / must be seperated on plate so he can see what is there
Chicken - only breast when roast, thigh when casserole
Spaghetti ok, other pasta a no
Cheese - must be grated
Toast - quartered
Grapes - sliced.
List goes on
Our weekly meals are: chicken casserole, jacket potatoes, roast dinner, spaghetti bolognese, ham&egg, salmon with rice, pizza. Same menu most weeks.

I actually want to have another child now just so I can call it cuthbert! (it will not be allowed to be a fussy eater though)

Anyone would think it was fun being fussy.

It really isn't.

YABU

Wow I think it's quite rude to expect people to push food into their mouths that they don't like!

I'm like a human bin, I'll eat anything and I love food. My DH is quite fussy, and gets quite stabby when people try to force things he doesn't like on him. FFS he's 30 years old, I'm sure he's really quite capable of deciding for himself whether or not he likes something.

And if I'm having people over I'll usually let them know what I'm planning to cook and check that it's ok for them. I always have other things in so of there are any problems I can throw something together easily enough.

I think it's very arrogant to assume everybody should eat or like the same food as you.

Really, has anyone here been force fed? There's no need to use such emotive language.

If you are fussy about food, either tell your hosts first or don't go out for food if you can't pick what you're having. Don't sit with a gloomy face at their table when they're trying to do something nice for you.

As for not feeling bad about being fussy...

I fucking hate having food issues. I fucking hate going to restaurants and having to check the menu outside to see if there's something I can eat on it before going in. I fucking hate having to eliminate all the stuff I can't eat and seeing what's left when everyone else gets to pick from the whole menu. I fucking hate getting nervous whenever eating somewhere where I don't get to pick what goes on my plate. I hate endlessly declining food being offered when obviously I'd prefer, socially, to accept.

And I know that if I do eat something I don't want to it's not a pleasant experience and can end badly later in the bathroom.

So your judgemental sneering and your opinion that your desire to see people eat should override their desire to eat what they want to makes you a bad hostess.

I have to agree with the OP in that if you are accepting an invitation to eat at someones home then you accept that there might be something served you are not keen on. Allergies, intolerances, diabetes, sensory issues etc are all different, but if you are just picky then either put up and shut up or decline the invitation!

My cousins children are lactose allergic, very seriously so, my friend cant eat meat for health reasons, another is coeliac (sp?), another is allergic to chlorophyll so cant eat anything green. I will happily cater for them, but a fussy sod who will sit at my table picking apart the meal I have cooked for no good reason, I would rather they had stayed at home tbh!

If you are fussy, dont eat out!

Lol at 'The Great Prawn Disaster of 2004'. Great advice. I find spicy things unpleasant, but if I heap my fork with mostly rice and just a bit of the spicy thing it dilutes the burniness.
I thought food was meant to be one of life's pleasures, you know.... like sex and drifting off to sleep. I just don't understand why so many people are unphased about being so fussy. Thank goodness most of my DCs friends aren't fussy eaters. I've posted loads of threads fretting about my teenage DDs, but they're really good eaters - they'll eat virtually anything and enjoy it. It's one of my (few successes with them!)

Also, is it just food that people are supposed to do that with or everything else?

If someone you saw regularly bought you a god awful outfit...say a mini skirt that looked dreadful, would you wear it just to please them because they put time and effort into choosing it for you?

Or would you say "Oh thank you so much for the kind thought, but that's really not something I feel I'm able to wear".

Then Rhonda he would be more than welcome here.

No, yellow, I won't stop socialising with my friends because they aren't cunts who think that inviting someone to their home means they get to watch them forcing food they can't stand down their gullets.

YANBU. Happy to cater for known problems or preferences but I get annoyed with (and these are real examples): only eating ungrated cheese when I have just grated the last bit; only eating burgers from a particular source; going "ew, what's that" at a tomato being prepared - and, worst of all, questioning me closely on the provenance of the chicken I was cooking for us (not them) when they outstayed their welcome and I felt compelled to invite them and they said, "Is it organic?" to which I replied, "It's from Morrissons" in a rather snippy way.

We tend to offer a range of things if we are not sure. For children I will put out a couple of types of pizza and separate dishes of different types of salad bits. For adults, they get curry but a range of heats, veg / meat etc.