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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that being a fussy eater in someone else's home is actually quite rude?

487 replies

wrathomum · 19/07/2012 19:11

And never even to TRY new things? Or appreciate the efforts of the host (who has multiple food sensitivites) to cater for everyone and try to provide healthy fare? And to not even feel a little bit bad about being fussy?

OP posts:
Choufleur · 19/07/2012 19:21

What are you serving that is being refused?

There are things I don't like and really wouldn't want to eat them - I eat most things but if you served me something I don't like I probably wouldn't eat it.

milocuckoomitten · 19/07/2012 19:21

Usually if I go to someone's house or have someone over, I ask or am asked if there is anything they don't eat. We tell the person the few things we honestly can't stand so they don't use them, then eat whatever we are given.

EclecticShock · 19/07/2012 19:22

True, some people do have sensory differences.

bobbledunk · 19/07/2012 19:22

All the fussy eaters (usually vegans) I know warn the host in advance and bring their own food to add to whatever is being served that they can eat. It would be rude to expect someone to go out and buy in food specially for you or fail to warn them, if it's a child that is fussy, it is up to their parents to deal with that.

It's also rude to expect people to eat food that they dislike, are morally opposed to or have sensitivities to themselves!

HandMini · 19/07/2012 19:23

I think it's ok to have one or two things you truly cannot stomach, and to speak up about them, preferably in a low key way.

General fussiness about most food and drink is a pain and would make me think twice about inviting someone over for a meal.

noblegiraffe · 19/07/2012 19:25

Wow, what shit host would prefer to see people forced to eat something they don't want to than gracefully decline or quietly leave it?

I think that's just bad manners on your part, OP.

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2012 19:25

And actually I think it's polite to find out a bit about what your guests actually do eat if you're going to cook for them.

Otherwise you can put them in a very embarrassing and awkward position.

I'm not a fussy eater at all but there is no way on God's green earth I would or could eat liver for example.

I'm also not greatly accustomed to very spicy food as it makes my mouth burn and my nose run.

I've heard that if you keep trying new foods after several goes there's a very good chance that you'll come to like it

But why? What benefit is there in forcing yourself to do that? Confused

bunnywhack · 19/07/2012 19:26

Hi my names Bunny and I'm a fussy eater. I always have had huge issues surrounding food. I am a bit better now but I dread having to eat at other peoples houses. It always causes an atmosphere I on one hand if i can't/won't eat whatever it is would rather it just be forgotten about and not mentioned, the host on the other is mortified they havent provided their guest with food and keeps trying to offer other things which are usually not viable options for me either. I do feel so bad as I have upset them. I don't want anyone to go out of their way for me I just want to be left alone not to eat if I don't want to. How did you know they didn't feel bad about it? Or are you just cross that they didn't eat?

RuleBritannia · 19/07/2012 19:26

People with dietary requirements, eg coeliac, have to be fussy about what they eat (but coeliacs can eat greens).

Fourfingerkitkat · 19/07/2012 19:26

I wouldn't try out for Come Dine With Me if I were you .....it would end in tears.

Original poster
wrathomum · 19/07/2012 19:27

What I mean is it must be more enjoyable for someone in general (I used to be like this before I was ill) to look forward to sharing, more or less any meal with people without the worry or, well, negative thought, "Oh no, I don't like this, that or the other".
Also, it might "only be food", but it's food that I've taken the trouble of thinking about, buying and preparing - not so I can scrape it into the bin.

OP posts:
Mamamaiasaura · 19/07/2012 19:27

Ds2 needs his food prepared in particular way and will only eat certain foods for certain meals. It's not fussing, it's a need. If he was ever invited I would forewarn host that he only eats certain foods. I remember having this discussion years ago re ds1 friend who was "fussy" and I truly didn't get it. I definitely get it now and feel bad for being so judging before.

CrapBag · 19/07/2012 19:29

YABU.

I get so pissed off when people complain about fussy eaters. Guess what, some people don't like lots of different food.

When you have someone over for food I believe the polite thing to do is to serve something you know they will eat. I would never have someone over and give them whatever without checking what they would like first and then just expect them to eat it, that would be incredibly rude. What if they did try it and didn't like it? Then they still go hungry and its a waste of food.

GrendelsMum · 19/07/2012 19:30

I've said this before, but I think an old friend of DH's who has severe food issues has the right approach to this.

Rather than have his hosts waste food and their time cooking a meal he wouldn't eat, he simply doesn't accept any invitations involving food. Much simpler, and everyone's happy. I don't know why more people don't do this.

rookiemater · 19/07/2012 19:32

YABU.
With Adults and Children I ask people what they don't like before they come, that way can avoid having it in the main course.

DS is fussy I hate it and its a pain. I have explained to him that if he doesn't like something then he is allowed to leave it but he is not to make a big fuss about it or complain.

My pet peeve is guests who come and wolf down the food I have prepared without comment or thanks.

Choufleur · 19/07/2012 19:32

wrathomum what was it you were cooking?

noblegiraffe · 19/07/2012 19:32

If you've taken the trouble to think about the food then why on earth wouldn't you take the trouble to check if your guests would like it?

AThingInYourLife · 19/07/2012 19:33

Vegan != fussy eater

Veganism is a choice of diet, and easy to cater for.

A fussy eater (like me) will have all kinds of weird food hang ups.

"I don't want anyone to go out of their way for me I just want to be left alone not to eat if I don't want to"

Yy, exactly :)

There are totally normal foods that I just cannot eat. It's a complete mental block.

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2012 19:35

Also, it might "only be food", but it's food that I've taken the trouble of thinking about, buying and preparing - not so I can scrape it into the bin

So check beforehand and find out what it is they like/dislike.

I'm sorry but I think it's quite arrogant not to.

By not checking, you ruined a meal that they were probably looking forward to eating and now you're not happy with them for some reason.

Eggrules · 19/07/2012 19:36

I thinks it's ok to be particular about what you eat. I think it is rude to make a fuss.

Even though I check beforehand, I am happy for people not to eat what I give them. I make even offer to make an alternative if they are polite.

akaemmafrost · 19/07/2012 19:37

Mamamaiasaura* I've got one of those too. Exactly as you describe. He is 9. It does irritate me when people who know the conditions he has will insist on keeping on trying to offer him different foods. He can actually be sick at the sight of foods that he has issues with. The face pulling and the comments about "well he'd eat or go hungry if he was my kid!". No actually he would starve because CAN'T eat not WON'T Angry.

Birdsgottafly · 19/07/2012 19:37

We don't have a food shortage in the UK, no one has to eat something that they don't like to stay healthy.

There will be a food that has the same nutritional value that they will like.

Being vegan isn't being a fussy eater, it is carrying out freedom of choice, usually based on sound principles.

yellowraincoat · 19/07/2012 19:37

OP YANBU

Vegan/vegetarian/halal/allergic - fine, I will deal with any of those.

If it's just "oh I don't like that" then you are rude. You can down something in 5 minutes. I have eaten plenty of things I dislike that people have taken the time and effort and money to prepare for me and I am still alive.

I fucking HATE prawns, but I have eaten them at someone's house. If someone asks first, I'll always tell them. But if they don't, then really, just eat it. It's not that big a deal.

Original poster
wrathomum · 19/07/2012 19:37

Usually if I'm having people over I do check with them or suggest something in particular. Autism and dietary requirements are surely completely different from being fussy about lots of different foods. I often have friends of the DCs here for dinner (often they're here and they just stay on with us when it gets to dinnertime). With all my (pain-in-the-neck) food sensitivities - which make me sick - it's very difficult to cater for people who don't like lots of things. I'm specifically thinking of DD's BF...... I actually like cooking and feeding people up and this has been much more difficult since I was ill. I love it when EVERYONE's tucking in and enjoying the meal.

OP posts:
Eggrules · 19/07/2012 19:37

Sorry might not make