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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want nail polish on my 4yo!

304 replies

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 10:12

I suspect I'm going to be told IABU but I've got to ask.

DD1 is 4. When she goes to a friends house to play she invariably comes home with nail varnish on. It seems that it's very normal for her 4yo friends to paint their nails, yes ever scarlet red, though just as often pink or purple etc. Many of her (girl) friends at nursery have painted nails all the time.

I don't like it - for lots of reasons including:

  • I think it is PART of the sexualisation of young girls which as a Mum of girls concerns me greatly. It's make up, its about feeling pretty and girlie - and I feel it is inappropriate for a 4yo. 14yo sure, 9yo, perhaps gritted teeth but 4yo is too young to be starting down this road.
  • the parents of her friends simply assume that it's OK. In their eyes it's harmless girlie fun I guess. This I could understand on an older child (though I still might not like it), but on a 4yo!! (I'm being a fuddy duddy??)
  • DD then asks for her nails to be painted all the time. I have on occasion given in and allowed her to paint her toenails (i.e. twice in a year). I use a silver glitter polish. I'm not entirely happy about this, but I have done it. (This makes me realise that the nail painting at friends homes has been happening since she was 3 Shock)
  • I then have to use highly toxic nail polish to get the stuff off & in the meantime its all chipped etc anjd looks nasty. I really don't like rubbing polish remover all over my little girls hands &/or feet (I have pretty much let the silver nail polish on her toes chip off). Also as soon as it comes off I then get constantly pestered to paint her nails. I say no (with the 2 exceptions when I have done her toenails silver glitter before a holiday & before a dress up party)
  • I object as a feminist, to young girls being encouraged to use make-up, or being subtly manipulated to feeling somehow 'special' wearing makeup. And it's clearly a 'girl' thing, to paint nails. I don't see any boys queueing up for it.

We've been to a couple of nursery/primary school fairs recently and they have nail polish stands with queues of young girls lining up - it's like face painting now. It's become the norm. I think this is sad and ghastly. Such young girls becoming mini-me's to their Mums.

I think a lot of this is about the Mum - 'dressing up' little girls. DD is NOT a living doll FFS!! She is not here to make YOU (friends Mum) feel better about yourself by "pleasing" young girls by painting them with toxic shit.

I believe in protecting and fostering childhood and childhood innocence for as long as I possibly can. Its a challenge in todays society and I really feel that this nail painting crap bites into that.

AIBU? Am I being unrealistic?

OP posts:
Methe · 19/07/2012 12:19

I want a definition to 'proper parenting' if you don't mind...

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:23

OK I take the 'proper parenting' back.
I'm exasperated. Stupid comment.

but my point is/was re the enjoyment the ADULTS get from children with painted nails. I think a lot of it is about THEM, rather than the children. There is so much more you can do with kids - so why the bog standard "DD is over for pay, let's paint their nails" every time?"

OP posts:
FrozenNorthPole · 19/07/2012 12:23

YANBU. At nursery, the staff painted my 2 year old's fingernails for the jubilee. All v nice and good fun in their eyes; they didn't have to stop her trying to eat it later that night! It made me realise that I don't want it for either of my daughters because to me it's NOT age appropriate - I don't judge those that are okay with it, but I'm not. The firm message has been given that they can choose to use it, and make-up, when they're much older. It's not 'joyless feminism' (and WTF is that anyway?), to me it's common sense. There are plenty of other fun ways for them to express themselves, so I'll stick with those. Having said that, I wouldn't take issue with them coming home from a friend's house with painted nails as a one-off. On a regular basis - yes I would, because frankly a play date should be about far more than sitting around adorning oneself and each other.

Sirzy · 19/07/2012 12:23

Perhaps they ASK for them painted and want that?

UnChartered · 19/07/2012 12:24

you're really ranting now, OP

i know of no adult who paints DCs nails to get a kick out of it for themselves, i'd be looking very strongly at my friends if i did

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:25

ah FrozenNorthPole you get it too Grin
You expressed how I feel about it all so well - everything you say!

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 19/07/2012 12:26

most things toddlers do are for parents benefit if you are thinking like that op and not the child take music classes or dance classes playgroups etc etc is all what parents think will be fun and benefit their child

BornToFolk · 19/07/2012 12:27

"but my point is/was re the enjoyment the ADULTS get from children with painted nails. I think a lot of it is about THEM, rather than the children. "

Good grief, you are reading a lot into this aren't you? How do you know what other people think when they paint their children's nails? I do it because DS asks me to, he enjoys it and like I said, it's bribery to get his nails cut.

If he didn't ask me to do it, I wouldn't be chasing him round the house with a bottle of nail varnish. I might actually do some proper parenting instead...

ForFoxsGlacierMints · 19/07/2012 12:27

You said yourself your DD likes having her nails painted now your painting the friends parent as a bad mother and saying she only does it for her own benefit?

I hate these AIBU's. Don't ask if you don't want to hear other peoples opinions.

But, for what it's worth, I think YABU.

gingerchick · 19/07/2012 12:28

Difference is she's not judging people who do You are OP

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:28

I didn't say they got a kick - why are you being so 'extreme'. no need to rant! Grin
I do think a lot of this painting of small DC nails is because the adults enjoy it because it's cute or whatever.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/07/2012 12:29

I have memories of all 3 of my sons at various stages of toddler/childhood, tottering round the lounge and wearing nothing but my stilettos and a smile.

They were trying to be like Mum....which is a perfectly natural thing (not that I totter around naked in just heels!)

If you wear make-up OP, it's natural that your children will want to play at being Mum.

It's that simple to a 4yr old. As an adult, you really shouldn't be over complicating it for them.

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:29

I didn't say "she only does it for her own benefit"

OP posts:
pictish · 19/07/2012 12:29

It's varnish...it comes off easily, and is nothing to get a snit on over.

UnChartered · 19/07/2012 12:29

do you read what you're posting, OP?

Mrsjay · 19/07/2012 12:30

Op do you out a certain bit of clothing on your daughter because you think it looks nice and maybe a little bit cute bet you do

Mrsjay · 19/07/2012 12:30

put*

squeakytoy · 19/07/2012 12:30

"I didn't say "she only does it for her own benefit""

You certainly without any doubt implied that.

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:32

Worra but I bet you didn't let your DS wear those high heels out of the house, and why not? because it's not age appropriate and they would risk breaking their necks trying to walk in high heels.

i'm off to lunch with a vision of Worra in stilettos and a smile - Hmm

OP posts:
pictish · 19/07/2012 12:33

Have just read the rest of your posts OP.
You strike me as a disagreeable person who looks for things to carp about.
I cba. Life is too short.

Sirzy · 19/07/2012 12:33

Grin Worra DS is 2.8 and was doing just that last week, he then tottered off to pick up my handbag to carry (and fill with toys)

My only worry was that he was going to fall and break his ankle but he is apparently better at walking in heels than me

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:33

Yes Mrsjay it is age appropriate for her to wear clothes. She choses most of her own clothes these days though.

OP posts:
Aboutlastnight · 19/07/2012 12:34

I don't paint my nails but I have three DDs who like having them oak ted now and then. Not a big deal and I consider myself a fairly switched on parent when it comes to gender roles and sexualisation of children. My kids just like their nails looking a different colour to usual. They also like face painting. They see it as the same thing.

TBH, three daughters diwn the line, there are more important things to worry about in terms of sexualisation of young children. Nail painting is the least of it.

We had a nail painting stall at school run by the P7s who organised it, bought the products and ran their own mini business. There were a few girls who were really good at it. It was fun.

I think you are being a bit OTT

Sirzy · 19/07/2012 12:34

A child wearing shoes many sizes too big and a child wearing some brightly coloured nail varnish are hardly comparable!

Aboutlastnight · 19/07/2012 12:35

Painted not 'oak ted' -thanks iphone

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