Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

to expect GP to come to us?

170 replies

hipposaurus · 18/07/2012 09:48

Dh and I have a 9mo son. Only one set of GP, who are very nice. However, they live 2.5 hours away and we have a small flat, so they have chosen to stay in a b&b for past visits. However, they complain that they don't see dgc enough and so we should come to them. We've tried big car journeys with ds in the past, he doesn't travel very well and we end up stopping fairly frequently to change his nappy, hold him when he cries hysterically etc. This makes any journey take about 50% longer than it would ordinarily.

We've explained this to gp and offered to help get them cheaper accommodation near us through the internet etc, but they still insist they find it too tiring to do the drive. I can't entirely understand why they find it so hard, as they do plenty of overseas holidays etc.

Aibu to expect them to do the journey to visit us rather than us to them?to me it seems a bit harsh on ds to do these long journeys, which stress him out and also his parents...

OP posts:

trixymalixy · 18/07/2012 22:43

Oh and we always set off at bedtime on the Fruday night and set off back at bedtime on Sunday night so that she would sleep longer than at nap time and not interrupt routines too much. Not that we were one of those rigid routine kind of families really.

littlemissbroody26 · 18/07/2012 22:49

I think you should just go on the train.

Really I think it depends on if you actually want to see them that much, if you are not that bothered and a couple of times a year would be fine for you then just let them know you are willing to do the trip 1 or 2 times a year, what i imagine is that they want to spend time with their grandson so really it is their responsibility to come and see you.

Peeenut · 18/07/2012 22:54

Yabu. 2.5 hours isn't horribly long, it often takes us 40 mins just to drive out of this town! You have to Mentally add in the extra travel time before you set off. If its 2.5 hours of driving then it will take 3.5 hours to get there.

My first born wasn't a natural good traveller. Cars were horrible, trains, boats and planes even worse because there was an opportunity to move. It didn't stop us driving all over Europe. We've had many a nightmare situation but it got easier.

MerlotforOne · 18/07/2012 22:55

DS was/is a good traveller, but we still had times when he screamed the whole journey and it's very wearing. From him being tiny, we've alway visited GPs as the PILs don't drive so would have to take 3 buses to get here and my mum isn't a confident driver. I always resented this when travelling with baby/dog/half the contents of the house and eventually put my foot down an insisted they come and stay with us. What I found was that it works much better if I go to them as they're happy to cook, take DS out to the park or beach, amuse him for hours and generally give me a break, where as if they come to me, they feel less confident out of their own environments, I end up looking after them as well as DS and I end up more tired. They do come here from time to time, but I was very happy to go back to doing the bulk of the visiting!

WinkyWinkola · 18/07/2012 22:55

YANBU. It's easier for people - as long as the gps are fit and able bodied - to travel without children. And a lot cheaper assuming hotels/B&Bs are thrown into the mix.

For the time being, they should come to you.

MerlotforOne · 18/07/2012 23:11

Winky, it sounds as though the GPs are the ones who have to stay in a hotel when they visit OP. If it were the other way around I would agree with you!

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 18/07/2012 23:16

oh dear. you have one like dd. we used to joke about winding the windows down so she could act as a siren and get us through traffic.

we regularly only managed 4 miles before she was off and we were stopping to feed/wind/change nappies/change sicky clothes/bibs. it was horrendous. we know every stopping place between parents and here and have stopped in them several times, often more thatn one stopping place on an hours journey. (an hour if you do not stop that is, more like 2 1/2h)

it passed though and now she is an amazing traveller. ds on the opther hand

parno · 18/07/2012 23:33

I live 2 hrs away from my dad and travelled over to see him and my mum (who died 7 yrs ago) every 3 wks with my ds from the age of 6 mths and then with my dd (from birth ). Still do in fact 14 yrs later. Due to ill health it was always more convenient for me to visit them, plus I could catch up with friends who lived close to mum and dad. Maybe I was blessed with dc who were great travellers or have possibly blocked out how horrendous it was! Bonus is that they are both great on long journeys now. None of that "are we there yet". So much so there were no complaints or moaning in the recent 8 hr journey through France.

MushroomSoup · 18/07/2012 23:39

I took four under 10s on a 12 hour car drive to visit family. Greatest adventure of our lives!! We had great fun.

WinkyWinkola · 19/07/2012 06:27

Travel is fun for some people. For others, it just isn't with dcs.

Why don't you share the cost of the hotel with the gps, op, if they are short of £?

It won't be this way forever.

We very rarely go anywhere for just a weekend, visiting relatives. They are happy to come to us if they are coming for the weekend.

SoupDragon · 19/07/2012 07:07

Why should the GPs travel 2.5hrs and then have to stay in some B&B every time they want to see their grandchild because the OP basically can't be bothered to go to them?

SoupDragon · 19/07/2012 07:08

OP is looking for problems, not solutions.

Babyrabbits · 19/07/2012 07:20

Oh god i'm a can't do family! I never interupted nap time for either of my children. To the point where we missed most family celebrations because my stubbern mil ( she cut her nose well and truely off) refused to shift meal times back to accomodate an early nap. ( so eat at two)

I'd do it all the same again though, nothing more important than a well napped child imo. No way i'm watching a screaming child spoil a lunch, to please old people.

Try the journey again, i did travel ( they nap) with mine, it is unfair to never drive to them. Its frightening for old people to drive.

3duracellbunnies · 19/07/2012 07:22

How old are the GP? Mine have only been here to visit about 3 times since dd1 was born and she is now 7. They live a similar distance but like you, they have room and we don't. Dd1 hated cars, one of us had to travel in the back, holding her hand/foot until about 18 months, and she hated sleep in the day more. My parents are too old to travel far with confidence, so it is the only way we would see them, besides we like a life. We subjected her to a driving and camping tour of Europe with a wedding in the middle, she survived and now thinks it is cool that she was camping at 5 months.

Sorry but I am on the YABU team, as people have said, agree to do the trip 4 times a year, any more and they can do top up trips in between. Your dc will also love the extra space, ours is a small 3 bed, they have a large 4 bed and large garden. Did you never go to visit your GP? My parents travelled 4hrs bus + train with 2 children and dog to see my GP, GM died when I was about 18months I have just one memory of her sitting peeling potatoes outside her back door, I wouldn't have any if my parents hadn't bothered, and even if she had come to us it wouldn't have seemed as significant in my little mind - I have very few memories of the house we moved out of when I was 3 1/2.

Original poster

hipposaurus · 19/07/2012 07:32

Soupdragon - I think that's a bit harsh - you have assumed we have been invited to stay overnight with GP, we haven't. We would be expected to visit for the day, ie two and a half hours each way, or we can find a hotel ourselves. The reason we can't stay with gp is because they don't want to be disturbed in the night by ds.

Thanks for all the other comments. At this age I don't think travelling with dc is of any great benefit for the baby as I'm not sure they get much out of it, its probably more for the adults benefit hence were not going on holiday this year. GP are 62 for those who asked.

We're going to try ds on another journey to gp and see how it goes. I'm hoping he improves as he gets older, as some comments have suggested!

OP posts:

3duracellbunnies · 19/07/2012 07:50

In that case they will probably see less of your ds by the time you get there and get home again. Go for the half way option then, but say that you will be willing to stay when they want you to, that way you are giving them an option for more time. At that age they should still be fine to travel but in 10 years they probably won't (yeah yeah some do travel loads, but not if they are objecting already). You do need to be more flexible though to manage their changing needs.

zookeeper · 19/07/2012 07:57

YABU and the key is in your first post where you call a 2.5 hour trip a long journey. You just have a baby, not a herd of wildebeast .

zookeeper · 19/07/2012 07:58

...and does it have to benefit the baby????

ditavonteesed · 19/07/2012 08:22

While I think you will have to do journeys I dont think YABU, I am having a siliar issue with il's at the moment, when dd1 was born we decided to do turn about, then dh's granddad got ill and that wasnt possible, fair enough we travelled to them loads. he dies 3 years ago, they never come to us, they have been once and I have relented and been to them once, but not anymore, we are in stalemate and I am starting to wonder if we will ever actually see them again, they can travel, they travel abroad for 5weeks at a time but just dont get round to organising to come and see us. they would like us to stay in the hols but they are going to have missed this years chance and they havent seen the dc since last june. my dc are both very car sick and have to be sedated to travel so i dont like to do it often but am willing to every other month. they came to visit us, we went to see them one moneht later and we havent seen them since. The dc miss them and it is sad tbh.

sheeplikessleep · 19/07/2012 08:31

We were in a similar situation.

MIL and FIL refuse to drive anywhere. They say they can't leave the cats and dogs. They've visited us twice, ever - once for our wedding and once for DS1s birth. Even for our wedding, they were humming and hahhing about whether to come or not. They saw DS2 for the first time when he was 5 months old.

They live 4 1/2 hours away. We drive to them about 3 /4 times a year. But I refused to go with a newborn baby. We go enough now to passify them. But it really peeves me off they don't return the favour. DS2 was a nightmare car traveller - hated it and screamed the whole way. To the point where he would make himself sick.

YABU to expect them to always come to you. YANBU to expect it to be half / half.

savoycabbage · 19/07/2012 08:38

Yabu. I have flown to Australia twice on my own with two children. Once when they were 2 and 5 and once when they were 4 and 7. And when my dd1 was a baby I drove on my own from Chichester to Derbyshire once a month.

sheeplikessleep · 19/07/2012 08:40

Can you not do it half and half? I.e. you visit, then they visit, you visit, then they visit? Alternate it.

diddl · 19/07/2012 08:48

Well, they don´t stay with you either...

valiumredhead · 19/07/2012 08:51

We used to travel at night when ds was tired, so he'd have a bottle just before we left and usually slept most of the way if we were lucky

I think it's one of those things you just have to get on and do or you'll never go anywhere.

whois · 19/07/2012 08:53

The GPs are being quite unreasonable if they have space but don't let you stay!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread