to expect GP to come to us?

[hipposaurus]

Dh and I have a 9mo son. Only one set of GP, who are very nice. However, they live 2.5 hours away and we have a small flat, so they have chosen to stay in a b&b for past visits. However, they complain that they don't see dgc enough and so we should come to them. We've tried big car journeys with ds in the past, he doesn't travel very well and we end up stopping fairly frequently to change his nappy, hold him when he cries hysterically etc. This makes any journey take about 50% longer than it would ordinarily.

We've explained this to gp and offered to help get them cheaper accommodation near us through the internet etc, but they still insist they find it too tiring to do the drive. I can't entirely understand why they find it so hard, as they do plenty of overseas holidays etc.

Aibu to expect them to do the journey to visit us rather than us to them?to me it seems a bit harsh on ds to do these long journeys, which stress him out and also his parents...

YABU, plenty of people (me included) fly their babies half way around the world so the family can see them. 2.5hrs in a car really can't be that bad, even if it means stopping every 30min you'll get there eventually. Once there you'll be able to relax while the GP's take care of your DS. Give it a try, sounds far more sensible than people coming to visit you and having to stay in hotels.

YABU. Can be v uncomfortable for people with arthritis/sore joints etc to travel. Not that it stops us - just did 9 hour flights travelling to and from Florida with 4 hour car journeys each end - but have been in severe pain for a week.

Your LO is getting older all the time. Like PPs have said, try to time it with a nap? TBH I feel a bit bad now - we drove to France when LO was 18mo but can't remember how we kept him amused! One of us sat in the back.

Your LO will soon be big enough to manage the journey, it's not a 'forever' problem :)

Well if thes find the drive tiring, then they do.

I found carting baby plus kit about annoying-but then I did it as I wanted to see my parents.

Is your husband not willing to make the effort for his parents?

I suppose the train is not an option?

Is your DS better on trains? Could your DH drive with the bulk of the stuff you need and you just go on the train to the nearest station? That way he can get out and move about, take a few toys and play, and then your DH collect you from the train station at the other end.

Or all go on the train if you can travel light...

But yes, some DCs just won't sleep and the idea of driving for hours with a screaming child would put me off wanting to visit too frequently...

Can you go on the train?

YABU I think, it isn't fair for one side to always make the effort to keep a relationship going. It seems driving does get more of an ordeal for people the older they get so I can understand the GPs saying the find it to tiring which could be code for them not really being up to long drives any more and feeling unsafe.

YABU

kids need a stop now and then when travelling, just get used to it

Many years ago when DD1 and DS were babies and I wasn't working, I quite often used to drive 2 hours to see my parents for the day. They lived near the beach and those days with them are among my happiest memories and the photos are among my favourites.

H commuted and left home very early. In the summer I would leave home when he did and drive back at the DC's bed time with them in their pyjamas. Sometimes the journeys were fine, sometimes the children would quarrel or cry etc but it was worth it.

I would do it all again but I can't because my parents are both dead.

Just persevere, children go through phases and cannot be happy all the time. Members of the wider family matter so much.

When I was a child I used get violently car sick. Never stopped my parents driving fron Germany to Ireland and back again, or driving 5-6 hours to see my grandmother and back again 2 days later every god damn bank holiday.

And more to the point, where we live now I often have to do 2+ hours of driving a day with kids just to go to the shops. They get used to it.. Yeah, it's not a relaxing driving experience but so what? Lots of kid related jobs aren't fun, still got to do them.

Flipping heck.

He's 9 months old, not 9 days.

Set off at bedtime or nap time, feed, change and put him in the back, without faffing in his face, put some music on and drive.

How often do they expect to see your son? Everyone has a different idea of how much is reasonable. There's no way I would do a 2.5 hour journey once a month, for example, I would go every 3 months probably and they could come down in between if they wanted. You might have to change your journey plans - set off at his nap time, stop when he wakes and starts getting upset, drive again, stop, drive. It will take longer but should be do-able. Or leave at his bedtime and hope he sleeps most of the way.

DD1 didn't like her carseat much so we drove at bedtime and she slept. I would never drive in rush hour as stop-start makes it worse. But if my DD had been a baby who refused to sleep in the car and cried the whole time or was sick, then i would just stop doing long journeys and wait till she was older, unless it was an urgent journey. Why put yourself through all that stress? I am amazed by some people's willingness to ignore distress in their young DC!

On the plus side, it shouldn't be too much longer until your DS is more easily entertained with toys etc in the car, so you're not looking at all this hassle forever.

How old are the GPs? (I'm steeling myself here in case they're younger than me!)

I think you're being a bit daft, tbh. Can't you time the trip for when he sleeps? Why should they have to pay for accommodation when you can travel? I can see why you wouldn't want to make every trip, but surely you can do some?

In-laws were a similar distance away when the DC were small.
We used to leave at morning nap time (having given an extra feed to make sure he would sleep) and come home at bed time.

I'm assuming you can stay at the GPs, so it's much easier and nicer to spend time at theirs rather than them having to always stay in a B&B - the cost of which is going to start mounting up.

(this age is much easier than when they are older and don't sleep so much, not that I am still scarred by 5 hours of in-car crying when DS was 18months at all)

Our oldest was a car hater, it was a nightmare trying to drive anywhere over about 10 minutes. He finally grew out of it around about a year old.

Ok I thought you meant your GP in which yabVu.
I just wish our GP's were within driving distance and inthe same country they are precious things and I would make the effort myself babies get used to anything. 2/3 hours isnt much in the big scheme of things.

Both sets of our gparents live 3 and a half hours away. we take turns, one visit to us, one to them. it is a pain travelling down, but why should they come to us all the time? it is only fair to share the driving, and it is nice to go to their house aswell ( someone else to do the cooking!!)

It's very daunting taking small babies on long journeys, and I don't blame you for not wanting to. It interrupts their routine if they have one and it's a huge hassle all round. Then when you arrive there are further disruptions.

As others have said, there are things you can do. When my daughter or son need to take their kids (3 yrs and 1yr in one family; 2yrs in the other) on a long journey they give them their tea, bath and put them in their pyjamas. Then, instead of putting them to bed, they all get into the car. The children usually go to sleep quite quickly. It's tiring for the adults to travel after a full day's work, but it's easier if both take a turn, and the roads are usually clearer.

You obviously want to do what's best for your baby, and it's annoying that the gps seem to be putting their own needs first. Nine months is still young, and if you don't want to travel just yet, give it a few more months. You don't need to prove anything to anyone.

But as others have said, it's better for all of you in the long run if your baby becomes a good traveller.

It's very daunting taking small babies on long journeys, and I don't blame you for not wanting to. It's a 9 mo and it is 2.5 hours. Blimey.

I shall think of you next week when DD and I are on a plane for 9 hours (that's after an hour in the car and half an hour in the plane before we get to the big flight). She has been on 8 flights in her life and countless long car journeys.

I always found travelling with small children extremely daunting! And yes, it's even worse taking them on long flights ...

Can't you take it in turns to travel? that would seem the normal kinda compromise.

yabvu

sorry but the road goes both ways and so should you.

YABU, you should take it in turns.

My ILs live about 2.5 hours away and we had some awful journeys with DD when she was a baby, but we still did it as it was important to us to see family.

A DVD player is a godsend IMHO.

Unless you plan to never travel anywhere over 1/2 hour away, you may as well get him used to car journeys now.

Also children (incl young babies) will pick up on your moods. If you start the journey with a doom and gloom attitude he will pick this up. Just know that it will take you longer and take lots of distractions with you.

I would also say There sounds like there's more to this.

2.5 hours is not a long journey. We've regularly driven 250 miles to see inlaws and my parents since DCs were born, and we drove a similar distance to Devon for holidays (these are normally 4 hour jounerys but take 5-6 hours with stops).

Can't you travel in the evening so he'll be more likely to sleep all the way?

What are you planning to do for a holiday? Never go anywhere more than an hour away again?