to not like it when people say 'typical boy'

[bejeezus]

AIBU to be becoming increasing irritable, when people say?.

?oh, typical boy!?
?he?s such a boy?
?boy behaviour?
?boys are so different to girls?

It is usually provoked by some unwelcome/less than good ?something?, that said boy is doing

Is it not a bit of a cop-out? Or are boys really different to girls? I appreciate that hormones must play a part?

But I don?t like it

I probably don?t like it because I have dds; one is cuddly and compliant, the other is a lithe mass of energy and activity. She never stops moving (at approx. 100mph) and she never stops chatting

And where does that leave her/us? And other high energy girls?.

It seems to give a spectrum a little like this;

Quiet Boy > Typical Boy > Typical Girl > Naughty/difficult/high maintenance Girl?

I know that all these ?typical boy behaviours? are not necessarily naughty/difficult/high maintenance?.but that is certainly when the phrase is uttered

I hate it too, I have two DS's and they are so different, so who is the typical boy then?

I have a DS and a DD and I find it annoying too. It isn't compulsory to act like a violent, noisy hooligan just because you have a penis.

exactly bedhog

and also doesnt mean you wont, just because you have a vagina!

(no, no...before you all pile in...dd isnt a violent hooligan-I aint looking for (or needing) excuses for her! )

I have had a 2 good friends/people who i respect say this though...and 1 of them has only boys, other has a boy and a girl

I have a DS and a DD, and they are both fit into that typical girl and boy stereotype but only in the games and toys that they play with (like DS with cars and trains, DD with dolls and prams - i have done NOTHING to encourage this), but other than that it is hard to say what is boy behaviour and what is girls. Being violent and noisy isn't just boys, loads of girls are like that too!

The only difference Ive ever noticed, and consistently is that, girls are more interested in arts and crafts than boys and will sit happily at a table drawing and colouring, whereas boys generally just wants to play with toys.

Oh yes..."that's boys for you" etc etc...
What a load of rot.

YANBU.... 'boys will be boys' is so often used to excuse bad behaviour and then we wonder why we end up horrible grown men thinking they're entitled to act like morons and get away with it.

Yes OP. This grinds my mince good and proper.

My DS is not a typical little boy, yeah he's loud and boisterous into lego and star wars etc. But he's crap at football, very gentle and caring too, has an interest in fashion (he's been known to pick me out a few things!) and used to hold hands with all his friends (male and female) until someone made a horrid homophobic remark .

Why can't children be just that? Individuals with their own merits and personality traits.

YANBU

so...have you read 'riasing confident girls' and/or 'raising confident boys'??

what are the difference within the books, anyone know?

Yeah I hate it too. One of mine looks like a prop or cage fighter to be. He is a gentle, kind sensitive soul who loves reading and cooking. Am always being told how typically boyish he is...Grrrr.

I think YABU

I have a daughter (eldest) and 2 sons.

My boys behave differently to my daughter. They are far more physical and yes I do think it's a boy thing. What's wrong with acknowledging that they have different hormones which leads to different behaviour and they are bouncing round for a reason? Understanding why they're more likely to behave in a certain way and working with that understanding is a good thing.

For what it's worth, my DS1 is very sensitive and thoughtful. He's the one who comes out with the most profound statements where DD is more shallow and takes things at face value. My DS1 is also the one who'll be found doing headstands on the sofa or wrestling with DS2.

Absolutely, boys are individuals, not just gender stereotypes! Also, while we're grumbling ... I loath the whole girly-princess-WAG-in-training thing that little girls get lumbered with, too.

I don't know... I only have a boy and I've found myself saying that at times.. more in relation to the charging around and need to climb on everything though.

My boys behave differently to my daughter. They are far more physical and yes I do think it's a boy thing. What's wrong with acknowledging that they have different hormones which leads to different behaviour and they are bouncing round for a reason? Understanding why they're more likely to behave in a certain way and working with that understanding is a good thing

this is what I am wondering...

but where does that leave really physical girls? should they just stop-it...should they be able to control themselves because they arent boys?

I guess there is a strong human desire to try to "understand" the world and make sense of it all. The problem is that the world is pretty chaotic and hard to pin down in all its infinite complexity. It is therefore much easier to ignore the complexity and try to fit people and behaviours into broad groups so you make generalisations and act as if you have some sort of handle on it.

That is why so many people carry ideas in their head of what is "normal" for a boy, girl, man, woman, or for the French, Americans, blacks, whites, lesbians, vegetarians...it is all an attempt to label and understand the world rather than risk feeling overwhelmed by its constant ability to surprise (and hopefully delight) us!

I was a typical tomboy. :)

jareth

imagine your ds and my dd were playing together...climbing, jumping, running....really high energy...maybe a bit inappropriate in what ever setting we are in...we are bringing them down and trying to chill them out a bit, or getting them ready to go home/whatever...

would it be appropriate/fair to say 'typical boy'...what 'excuse' does my dd have?

bluegrass I like your post

maybe that is why i dont like it...I am an appreciator of eclectic-people. I love people who dont fit in boxes and have very different/ sometimes conflicting aspects of their personality/interests etc...

Last week in the playground got chatting to another mum. Her little boy was quite quiet and sensitive, and she said something about how she hopes he toughens up soon and becomes more like my rather robust and outgoing 'typical' boy...

I had to laugh, as it was actually my 2.4yo DD she was admiring. When I pointed it out, and said that I thought it was great that all kids were different and none were 'typical' in my book she actually agreed with me and we had a long chat about what society expected of children. Turned out her partner was disappointed his son wasn't 'boyish' enough .

Why do people see saying "typical boy/girl" as a negative or an excuse though?

It doesnt have to be said or meant that way at all.

yeah squeaky you are right...i nodded at that in my OP

but it is usually in negative situations you hear it...

It annoys the hell out of me too. I have people I really respect say it to me all the time and I hate it.

I especially hate the 'oh, I have one of each and they are different' argument. They may well be different, but actually there is little reliable scientific evidence that that is innate. We have never raised a child in a gender neutral way to know. Even those who think they have, haven't (myself included). Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine is fascinating on this subject, including detailing experiments showing how babies under the age of one are treated differently for the same behaviours dependant on gender, reinforcing the physical and aggressive in boy babies and suppressing/negatively portraying it in girls. It's chilling stuff.

I often use this phrase about my two DS

But my two are stereotypical boys - loud, boisterous, into cars and trucks, never sit still, risk taking, play fighting, love getting dirty and splashing in muddy puddles, won't do crafts [get bored after two minutes] ...

That's not to say that girls aren't also very active and energetic [I know I was!].

But generalising about boyish behaviour it does seem amongst the children of my friends that the boys tend to be more rough and tumble and the girls a little more focused and gentle.

But all are on a spectrum of behaviour so at each end there are gentler boys and play fighting girls. IYSWIM.

"Why do people see saying "typical boy/girl" as a negative or an excuse though?"

It can be either negative or positive, but it's still a shite thing to say.

Putting little children into gender boxes is unnecessary, unfair and can be self-fulfilling.

Just leave the little fuckers alone to be typical children.