to not like it when people say 'typical boy'

[bejeezus]

AIBU to be becoming increasing irritable, when people say?.

?oh, typical boy!?
?he?s such a boy?
?boy behaviour?
?boys are so different to girls?

It is usually provoked by some unwelcome/less than good ?something?, that said boy is doing

Is it not a bit of a cop-out? Or are boys really different to girls? I appreciate that hormones must play a part?

But I don?t like it

I probably don?t like it because I have dds; one is cuddly and compliant, the other is a lithe mass of energy and activity. She never stops moving (at approx. 100mph) and she never stops chatting

And where does that leave her/us? And other high energy girls?.

It seems to give a spectrum a little like this;

Quiet Boy > Typical Boy > Typical Girl > Naughty/difficult/high maintenance Girl?

I know that all these ?typical boy behaviours? are not necessarily naughty/difficult/high maintenance?.but that is certainly when the phrase is uttered

YANBU. People do like their little classification boxes for other people don't they. I hear it all the time and it pisses me off. Particularly as MY DSs get away with behaviour (other people not me!) that DD gets picked up on because.....'boys will be boys'

Thanks crazycanuck

pirate dd1 wasnt sleeping in day by 2, 18mnoth old dd2 isnt napping (and with hindsight, could have stopped at 12months)..will sometimes fall asleep in car/pushchair but not often

A number of my friends with boys, have had to wean them off their naps to start school

But really...is just an anecdote

It is wrong but I am guilty of saying it myself, which is odd as my two DS's are anything but 'typical boy' types. There are quiet, never rough and fairly cautious compared with a lot of other boys. It does seem to get used as an excuse for naughty behaviour though.

Boys do tend towards boy things and girls towards girl things, its just how it is isn't it ???

Has everyone seen the talk by Jennifer Siebel Newsom about the MissRepresentation film? It's really good. I'll see if I can find a link. And I really want to see the film itself. It obviously focuses on negative images of girls and women, but really emphasises how the generalisations harm both genders.

that is my worry zimbah..the subliminal messages we are giving our children; which they carry into adulthood

interesting though folkgirl

indeed HURRAH! theonewiththehair!

Leander is it just how it is? Or are boys and girls socialised into liking what they like and being how they are?

What winds me up is that dd find it impossible to stay still for a second, into everything. I'm always being told that she should have been a boy

Boys do tend towards boy things and girls towards girl things, its just how it is isn't it ??

I dont think it is

and there seems to be a lot written on the subject...i think its so subliminal, ingrained and starts so early that we dont recognise that babies/children are influenced by societies expectations of them...

here

I try to counteract it by commenting on how fast DD's (female) friends run and that kind of thing, and by challenging the 'typical boy' statements if I can. But TBH, rather than making my friends/acquaintances think "Oh yes Zimbah's right, I must reconsider how I view girls and boys" I think it just makes me come across as a bit of a weirdo .

I hate it used as an excuse for bad behaviour and lazy parenting. There seems to be a culture among one or two parents round here of actively encouraging their small boys to be little shits, as if it's a sign of them being properly masculine. Needless to say, the same parents expose their girls to equally unpleasant stereotypical behaviours with tarty clothes and make up at an inappropriately young age. (And it's not the sort of "problem" families in the news at the moment, either)

Having one of each with a small age-gap has been a revelation to me: DD has always been just as physical as DS. She wrestles him to the ground just as much as he wrestles her to the ground. Something, I'd always been led to believe only boys did

DD's not so interested in toys, never played with dolls. DS tends to like super heroes and stuff he's seen on TV (again, never shown much interest in vehicles, despite having asd!)

It really has lead me to believe that boy/girl differences are mostly due to conditioning

Apologies crazycanuck I didn't mean to imply that lots of women don't like Star Wars or that all women are scared of spiders.

I was only talking about the specific differences between DS and I - for which I use the shorthand of DS being a 'typical boy'. Which doesn't mean that there aren't atypical boys who hate Star Wars and are scared of spiders - of course there are lots. The way I see it 'typical' is just one spot on the curve, like the 50th centile on a growth chart - it's not a positive, or a negative, or even a majority.

So just to get this straight - the opinion here is that the only reason behind the differences are personality and socialisation? Gender doesn't play a role in behaviour at all? Honest question - it's so different to my opinion that I'm trying to get my head around it.

It's interesting that so many people here have heard 'typical boy' used negatively - i.e. disruptive, noisy, careless, lazy - as an excuse. I actually wonder whether poor male role models could have an impact on this. You see one of my son's 'typical boy' behaviours is to rescue me from spiders and put them outside. Another is to offer to carry my bag for me. Another is to work hard at his schoolwork (in contrast to the 'oh he's just a boy' stereotype upthread), because he's a man, and men work hard. Not in contrast to women - but in our family the phrases 'A working man', 'A proper hard-working man', 'supporting his family' 'He worked every day of his life' etc. are the ones he'd hear. He'd never hear 'oh he's just a man so he doesn't work very hard' as we have never ever had a man like that in our family. Oh yes, we did once but DSis very sensibly divorced the useless article

thanks pirate i will have to watch that later, when im not at work

Tbh, I don't think it is ridiculous to consider whether there are some differences between boys and girls. There are physical differences (external and internal) and hormonal differences.

So maybe it isn't daft to consider other differences. However, in an equalities sense this should mean that children aren't limited, restricted or defined by their gender, rather that their differences are recognised and then met needs wise.

So. Rather than saying "boys aren't as good as girls at writing" and accepting lower standards of writing in boys, it is about saying "ok, so it seems that boys prefer writing for a purpose" and then "so what can we do to encourage boys to write". Thereby providing equality of access to writing opportunities etc.

If that makes sense!

We should be recognising and meeting the needs of all children and not meeting the perceived needs of the gender. And none of these needs are met by excusing bad behaviour, telling children they must/must not play with certain toys/colours or wear certain clothes.

My MIL is a classic. I've already described my DH's nephews above. Our son is the opposite - quiet, musical, arty, bookish. My MIL recognised this recently and said after acknowledging this said "Don't get me wrong, I mean he's lovely. A real boy. Just different" Like enjoying reading and not destroying things would mean be a problem!

And yes, the way people respond to and communicate with a baby from birth will elicit a particular response - and not just in babies. It's why labelling people is such a problem.

My boy is a 'typical baby boy' in my eyes. It doesn't bother me one bit.

Becstarsky - Read the Cordelia Fine book. Really. It is a very revealing. My opinion is not that is 'only' socialisation. My opinion is that we socialise boys and girls so totally and utterly from birth onwards that we simply cannot say with any confidence that any traits (other than purely physical ones, such as generally being taller as adults) are genetic/innate.

Some of the scientific studies are really shocking. For example, on being shown a photo of a crying older baby, people are far more likely to say he is angry if told it is a boy, and scared if told it is a girl. If given a baby in a white babygro to play with and purposely not told the gender, people are very uncomfortable and not sure what to do with 'it'. When dealing with babies, girls are praised strongly for verbalising, sitting, reading, drawing. Boys attract far more positive comments for climbing, standing and being physical. This applies even the adults have actually been told the wrong gender (i.e. given boy babies and told they are girls, and vice versa), so it isn't something in the child they are picking up, but their own prejudices. Parents who have been observed with their own children also exhibit these behaviours, including if they claim they treat their children the same.

I think that the idea that behaviour is genetic has become an excuse in society for not looking more closely at our stereotypes and failings.

It particularly gets my goat to hear that a girl is a 'tomboy'. No, she isn't. She is a girl. If I spelled it out as 'you mean that she is a girl who likes things that you think are characteristics of boys' it sounds rather less cute and appropriate to say to a three year old doesn't it.

I have one of each and they have both had access to the toys in the playroom whether they be trains, car's, prams and dolls and the usual jigsaw, games etc. Both of them like dressing up and I caught both of them with nail varnish on the other day which they'd nicked out of my make up bag! So, no typical girl/boy behaviour pushed on them, DD loves fighting with DS, she's highly energetic, beat all the boys at running in Sports day [proud] and has no fear whatsoever.
I think the marked differences from y observations are how they (mine, anyway) relate to other people. DS will scrap with other boys, nothing awful, just rolling around, playfighting type stuff. Although DD does it with her brother, I don't see groups of girls doing this at all. She would never go up to her friends and trip them up and roll around.
Now, is that because she is a girl? Is it just because her friends wouldn't like it?

but becstar my dd rescues me from spiders and helps me carry shopping bags

so in the case of my dd, she is a 'typical girl' being 'kind' and 'helpful'? and your ds is a 'typical boy' rescuing the fragile woman from the spider and carrying the heavy bags?

Or are they just 2 lovely individuals?

If 'typical' is not a majority, then it surely isnt typical

i think the problem is, with the idea that there is a 'typical'

ouryve completely agree!

Another one, my MIL bought her 3 year old grandson a punchbag and boxing gloves. She bought her 3 year old granddaughter make up.

I've lost count of the value of cosmetics I've thrown away. Everytime DD sees her she gives her a bag full of cosmetics and nail polish. Every last big of it ends up in the bin!

becstarsky There may be some innate differences between boys and girls. But there is an increasing body of evidence to show that if they are there at all, they are vastly overstated.

It's an interesting area of research. What is problematic, though, is when a piece of research indicates that there may be innate differences and this gets blown out of all proportion as being 'proof' that male brains and female brains are born different.

FolkGirl - I think part of the problem is that when boys aren't very good at something (writing creatively) we then try to think of solutions to get them to be better at writing creatively. Rather than trying to make girls think more about writing for purpose.

When it comes right down to it, it is more useful, in terms of getting a job, to be able to write for purpose. And that is the thing that boys are better at. And then men go on to get better jobs.

I think saying 'typical boy/girl' is negative when children are so young as it just shows how society in general is so keen to label infants and mould them into being a certain way.

My son is going through 18 month behaviour as he struggles to learn about boundaries and explore his surroundings. I would hate it if people were thinking he is like that because he is male. All babies will go through it.