to not like it when people say 'typical boy'

[bejeezus]

AIBU to be becoming increasing irritable, when people say?.

?oh, typical boy!?
?he?s such a boy?
?boy behaviour?
?boys are so different to girls?

It is usually provoked by some unwelcome/less than good ?something?, that said boy is doing

Is it not a bit of a cop-out? Or are boys really different to girls? I appreciate that hormones must play a part?

But I don?t like it

I probably don?t like it because I have dds; one is cuddly and compliant, the other is a lithe mass of energy and activity. She never stops moving (at approx. 100mph) and she never stops chatting

And where does that leave her/us? And other high energy girls?.

It seems to give a spectrum a little like this;

Quiet Boy > Typical Boy > Typical Girl > Naughty/difficult/high maintenance Girl?

I know that all these ?typical boy behaviours? are not necessarily naughty/difficult/high maintenance?.but that is certainly when the phrase is uttered

thank you for the link AspirantPirate

Think people often say it because they can't think of anything better to say or when they are just jealous and don't have a boy or a girl for that matter. So wrong ignore them.

yellow I think you have a point. My experience is in EY and KS1 so at that stage we're more concerned with getting them to sit at a table and put pen to paper at all in many cases

But yes, I get your point!

Creative writing isn't just about stories though, it's about thinking creatively.

I suppose the point it, that if you can't get your boys to write, then it is better to get them to write a letter to the caretaker asking for permission to play football at lunchtime or asking the builders what they are doing in the classroom next door, than to get them to write a letter to a character in a book who they know isn't real.

But again, I think most of the explanation for that is to do with the messages they've received since birth.

interesting kim

my dd plays football and rugby. Alot of her girl friends play football...I wonder why girls dont play football at break times?
Is it just a given that the boys will be using the goals? do the girls approach the boys to play? do the boys say no? do the other girls dissuade the football loving girls, because they have been taught that football is for boys??

I have so many questions around this!

I have a friend who is particularly bad for this, and our babies are only a year old! She has quite traditional views of male/female and thinks she has it tougher than mums of girls because her DS is wriggly and crawls away a lot and gets into places he shouldn't. While simultaneously failing to notice that my DD is doing exactly the same things, because it's what babies do!

Isolated incidences aren't necessarily problematic, but it's never said just once. And it does become a problem later in life when it's "oh, he doesn't like housework, typical boy" or "oh, he's bad at writing, typical boy". Because kids believe the things you say about them, try and live up to what's expected of them, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And like someone said earlier, it's also hard on young girls who like 'boys' things. I remember as a child/teenager feeling that I must be really un-feminine because I liked maths and computers and all the things that boys did. Even when I had parents that actively encouraged me and tried their hardest to avoid gender stereotypes. It took me years (well into my 20s) to realise that I could be both feminine and enjoy maths!

i wonder if playtime/ playground needs addressing?...

my dd is always coming home with tales of woe about who did and said what....

maybe the kids need encouraging out of their gender stereotypical behaviour, as they are in the classroom

this is interesting;

www.hackneyplay.org/schools/PlayPods.htm

But what do people think about my point about male role models?

Because my DS is going to grow up with the identity of being 'a man'. You can say 'oh no, he's not a man, he's a person, he's an individual'. But actually the world will relate to him as a man, and he will identify himself as a man. I would like my DS to learn what it means to be a man from my DH, my Dad and my FIL who are all good men. They take pride in being men, and in the responsibilities they feel that being a man gives them.

For me the fact that people assume 'typical boy' must mean something negative or that 'typical girl' must mean something limiting - that's where I see the problem.

bejeezus sadly, I think the answer to all of your questions is probably...

Is it just a given that the boys will be using the goals? - probably yes.

do the girls approach the boys to play? - possibly. To begin with...

do the boys say no? - and laugh

do the other girls dissuade the football loving girls, because they have been taught that football is for boys? - most definitely.

becstar i think its important to have good male and female role models. I dont think what you described is particularly maleness...we have hard working men and women in our family...'hard working' is an excellent ethos but it isnt a 'male characteristic'

But becstarsky I think the point is that those limitations carry on into adulthood. I know that I feel them.

becstarsky - it really depends on what you see as "what it means to be a man" and what responsibilities men have that women don't.

the link posted by Pirate is good and is a link to a longer trailer of the film.

I want my son to grow up reading books about girls and women who can do things boys and men are traditionally seen as doing.

My son was given a broom for his birthday and we had a few 'gay' comments. I hate it. Why can't men have brooms? Why can't my son push his dolls round in a pink pushchair. This issue really infuriates me, particularly when people seem to think it's a. going to turn my son gay b. tha they are therefor implying that if that was even possible it would be a bad thing.

What limitations? I think I must have grown up in the weirdest family ever... I was never taught or heard that being female meant anything limiting, or that being male meant anything negative. This idea that boys are messy, lazy, badly behaved and that girls are kind and sweet and well-behaved and like pink things... This is stuff that I've only just become aware of in the past few years as I've read it on Mumsnet and the toy shops have become so segregated. It is honestly Brand New Information to me. I do believe that men and women are very different but I don't believe there are any negative characteristics which are uniquely male, or that are uniquely female.

Certainly 'working hard' is part of the male identity in our family - but not 'as opposed to women' but as opposed the poster upthread who mentioned a relative saying her DS was lazy because he was a boy. Whereas the worst insult that anyone could say of my dad or my FIL would be laziness. They'd die if anyone could say that of them.

Is it me or is there an element of "don't be silly little boy of course your gender doesn't make any difference - sit still and colour and stop being so squirmy and bouncy" in this discussion. Amomgst some posters there seems almost a complete denial of any potential biological based gender differences and that boys just need to behave better and gender should not be used as an excuse for poor behaviour. I agree that gender is no excuse for poor behaviour but I think as women our definition of good/poor behaviour is to some degree gender based and boys do get the rough end. I have had several mothers of only girls look at my DS and other boys around as if they are from another planet because their play is often (not always) more physical than the girls around them.

I see behaviour as being down to a mix of biology and socialisation and in any group some boys will be more gentle and some girls more tough - doesn't mean on the whole that there are not behaviours more 'typically' demonstrated by boys.

becstar what is it to be female, in your family?

But becstar there obviously are limitations or else you wouldn't have any idea of what "being male" or "being female" means.

Is it me or is there an element of "don't be silly little boy of course your gender doesn't make any difference - sit still and colour and stop being so squirmy and bouncy" in this discussion

I think thats just you star
i dont read that at all here...i read that girls can be/are as energetic as boys but are socially conditioned that it is not acceptable for a girl...

yabu.

I see behaviour as being down to a mix of biology and socialisation

and parenting?!?

bejeezus

in the absence of any differences in parenting

Becstar can I ask, when you wrote that the men in your family are proud of the responsibility of being a man, what does that mean? What responsibilities does a man innately have that a woman doesn't?

stopthecavalry no, quite the opposite I think, actually! I think the emphasis is on wondering why 'typical boy' is used negatively in response to 'physical' behaviour when a girl could behave in exactly the same way and receive a different response.

Nobody wants to prevent boys OR girls from being who they are, they just want to stop their behaviours and personalities being gender-labelled. It is unhelpful for both children (of both genders) and parents for this labelling to go on. It can prevent children from exploring aspects of their personality and it can create damaging expectations in parents. Everybody loses.