to not like it when people say 'typical boy'

[bejeezus]

AIBU to be becoming increasing irritable, when people say?.

?oh, typical boy!?
?he?s such a boy?
?boy behaviour?
?boys are so different to girls?

It is usually provoked by some unwelcome/less than good ?something?, that said boy is doing

Is it not a bit of a cop-out? Or are boys really different to girls? I appreciate that hormones must play a part?

But I don?t like it

I probably don?t like it because I have dds; one is cuddly and compliant, the other is a lithe mass of energy and activity. She never stops moving (at approx. 100mph) and she never stops chatting

And where does that leave her/us? And other high energy girls?.

It seems to give a spectrum a little like this;

Quiet Boy > Typical Boy > Typical Girl > Naughty/difficult/high maintenance Girl?

I know that all these ?typical boy behaviours? are not necessarily naughty/difficult/high maintenance?.but that is certainly when the phrase is uttered

We were going on a school trip to the Science Museum this week. A teacher said "well, I'd quite like to go to the transport bit but maybe that's a bit boring for the girls".

Sigh. I hate all this "girls like that, boys like this" stuff. It's such utter utter tosh.

yeah...people just need to stop saying it, IMO

"imagine your ds and my dd were playing together...climbing, jumping, running....really high energy...maybe a bit inappropriate in what ever setting we are in...we are bringing them down and trying to chill them out a bit, or getting them ready to go home/whatever...

would it be appropriate/fair to say 'typical boy'...what 'excuse' does my dd have?"

I wouldn't say 'typical boy' in that situation. That's just kids getting hyper and wound up.
Just in my experience the boys tend to be more about running around, climbing, etc and the girls less so. That's not to say that all boys are wild types and all girls are happy to sit there colouring - of course not. DS will happily sit for hours and hours and play with his lego/playmobil BUT he really does need a walk/exercise every day or he's tetchy and bored (those comparisons with walking a dog are there for a reason ). He is 4yo, having growth spurts and probably full of testosterone though

But then, I only have one boy, so have no idea what girls are really like

yellow I actually think it is terrible for *teachers to be reinforcing this...

but, i wonder if they notice a difference in a school setting between boys and girls...any teachers here?

Im thinking about my dds classmates...I would say there are as many of the kids who arent 'typical' of their gender, as there are who are 'typical'...

I hate it! My son is lazy, disorganised and needs regular kicking to get him moving. He would still be lazy, disorganised and in need of a kick were he female, an hermaphrodite or a golden retriever. The negative qualities are the thing, not his gender! Yesterday I was told that "that's just boys". Rubbish! I was also told that "boys are more loving". Again, what rubbish! Both DD and DS love to be hugged and are very tactile. That's their nature and upbringing, not their gender.

MIL is still using the "Oh he's just a boy, cut him some slack " thing for DH, waste of space dole scrounger BIL and SIL's husband who is just rude, really. I will never say, "That's just how girls are" when my daughter is older and is lazy/rude/silly whatever, I will hold her accountable for her actions.

Ok to put it in the way I meant it. 'well my dd is unique/individual'.

That's the way I meant it. Sorry if it came across badly.

Do you really think boys have more energy, Jareth ? I've never found that to be the case, and from my own experience as a child, I certainly don't remember it. I remember having tons of energy, but constantly being reminded to be careful, not to fall etc, so much so that I became scared of running and climbing and so on.

I am fairly certain that my brother was not made to feel that way. Of course I can't remember THAT clearly.

But I was discussing broken bones with my partner once. I once chipped my elbow. That's it. He's broken almost everything - collar bone, both arms, leg etc. I really think it's down to boys being encouraged to run about and take risks and girls being told to be careful all the time - typical boy/typical girl stuff.

Ah - have caught up with the thread now.

Are you talking about it generaly, or more to excuse bad behaviour in boys by saying 'oh, he's such a boy' etc?

I don't think it's anything to do with what toys they play with - you're talking about behaviour aren't you? Of course there are stupid sterotypes: Boys - cars, Girls - dolls etc.. and that's pathetic.

That's not to say that there generally ARE difference though

YANBU.

My mum does this. I had a bit of a moan at DS yesterday as he is coming back from school with his uniform filthy EVERY DAY, so I am ironing new uniform every night. Mum says "He's a typical boy" I was like "Erm, no actually. I'm pretty sure that he's just careless, nothing to do with his gender." It's like a Get Out of Jail Free card for people who cba to get tehir sons to be more careful/thoughtful.

I agree, OP.

I recently overheard a conversation between some mums where one said

"I know! Doesn't she understand? He's a boy. It's ok saying that girls shouldn't fight but he's a boy, it's what boys do. You'd have thought the teacher would understand that!"

FFS!

My BIL has 3 boys. Their household is completely chaotic - no boundaries, no bedtimes, no rules or expectations. They all shout, they all fight, the doors have holes in them, cupboards are ripped off, toys get broken. They just laugh and say "yeah, just boys though, innit?" Erm, no it's not. It's you.

We don't have them round to the house anymore because their behaviour is so bad. And it's embarrassing to be seen with them in public.

bejeezus I AM a teacher, albeit not in the state system atm. Teaching overseas kids to speak English.

The kids I have tend to be between 9 and 12. Yes, there is a difference at that age, but it's impossible to say if it's socialised or inherent. I am very sure that it is socialised.

We give out certificates whenever a child leaves. At the end of last week, one of my colleagues gave out certificates, each girl was "lovely" and "kind" and all the boys were "funny" and "hard-working". It's depressing.

yellow No, I don't think they have more energy as such.. maybe just more of a need to run around like Labradors a lot.

Jareth....i think 'typical children' is much more accurate

my dd wont sit for hours, playing with anything

Oh dear I say this

But not about bad behaviour (climbing on furniture, running wild) but about DSs interests.

I guess because I find it soooo hard to relate to his fascination with football, Star Wars and spiders (yikes). And he finds it impossible to relate to me asking him how he feels ('Oh muuu-um!'), being scared of spiders ('But Mum it's not even as big as your hand - look!' No thanks, darling I don't need to look, just put it outside, there's a love... Brrr...) and I have no interest whatsoever in whether Mace Windu could beat Boba Fett in a fight (apparently not, or so I'm reliably informed).

We do have shared interests (science) but we're so different, and part of the way I rationalise that difference is that he's a boy. And he's so like my DH and like my Dad and like my DH's Dad in all of these interests. I don't see it as an 'excuse' though because there isn't anything negative about his masculinity or my identity as a woman. We're just very different from each other.

yellow IME girls actually have more energy..girls drop their daytime naps earlier? do they, or is that just IME?

becstarsky - there is so much I don't relate to with my mum, likewise she doesn't get stuff about me. She doesn't know why I like heels or fashion or make-up, she's never been into any of that herself. I don't get why she likes gardening or home decoration. Both could be seen as typically female interests, so maybe the differences between you and your son have less to do with him being a boy and just to do with having a different personality.

bejeezus IME there is a difference in the school setting. Boys tend to be more physical and girls tend to be more emotional in their meanness!

So boys will fight/shout and girls will be spiteful/ostracise. Although obviously this is very generalised, and there are always exceptions to the rule.

You do find that there are differences in writing - so girls like to write stories and imaginative writing, boys prefer to write for a purpose. There are lots of strategies in school to improve boys' writing based on this.

Girls are more inclined to read for pleasure, boys are more inclined to read for purpose. I've had lots of interview questions based on what I would do to encourage boys to read for pleasure.

Except that you still wonder how much of this is innate, and how much of it is because they've had differences and messages like "you're a boy, deal with it like a man" and "ooh dear, that's not a very ladylike way to behave" drummed into them since birth.

Who knows!

I had a dad who asked for his son to be removed from the dance class at school. When I asked why he looked at me like I was an idiot and said "because he's a boy".

yellow, yes, exactly what I was going to say! Also, kids are really boring when they start going on about their stuff. I'm sorry, but they are . I love my boys but I just zone out when they start going into long detailed descriptions of.... pretty much anything. I'm sure I'd be the same if they were girls.

bejeezus what is 'early' in times of dropping naps? None of mine ever made it past 2 in terms of regular daytime naps, but could often be found conked out on a blanket in the corner....

becstarsky I am a woman and I adore Star Wars and find spiders fascinating.

I second the Cordelia Fine book recommendation. I feel like handing out copies of it to most of the moms at school, they infuriate me so with their gender stereotyping hogwash.

It drives me round the twist, I've got friends who say it about their babies - describing a 7mo as 'a typical boy' because apparently he was stronger and more active than his sister . DD2 is a real climber and likes playing with cars, DD1 never was. Is DD2 actually mistakenly a boy? On one of the very rare occasions when DD1's legs weren't smattered with bruises (she's 3) I got the comment "Oh how nice she can wear a dress and show her legs, can't do that with boys as they're always bruised". Gah!

Oops posted too soon. What really irks me about it is that people can't see how it's a self-perpetuating stereotype. It starts from birth and must surely have an effect on children's resulting behaviour.

onewiththehair I know what you meant no worries...

I just dont think she is individual....lots of girls are like this

Do you know what bejeezuz? Thank you for starting this thread. After reading what's been written I recognised some of myself in the posts. I don't think I realised how often I attributed my dcs traits to gender and now I am going to make more effort to stop doing it.

My mother said, on seeing my son for the first time "Oh what a big strong baby" !

And on seeing my daughter she said "Oh what a delicate little thing" !

Their birthweights were 3.530 kg ans 3.540 kg respectively. To this day she still refuses to admit that knowledge of their gender may have influenced her first impression.

Hurrah for TheOneWithTheHair !!!! (I love your username by the way!)