to not like it when people say 'typical boy'

[bejeezus]

AIBU to be becoming increasing irritable, when people say?.

?oh, typical boy!?
?he?s such a boy?
?boy behaviour?
?boys are so different to girls?

It is usually provoked by some unwelcome/less than good ?something?, that said boy is doing

Is it not a bit of a cop-out? Or are boys really different to girls? I appreciate that hormones must play a part?

But I don?t like it

I probably don?t like it because I have dds; one is cuddly and compliant, the other is a lithe mass of energy and activity. She never stops moving (at approx. 100mph) and she never stops chatting

And where does that leave her/us? And other high energy girls?.

It seems to give a spectrum a little like this;

Quiet Boy > Typical Boy > Typical Girl > Naughty/difficult/high maintenance Girl?

I know that all these ?typical boy behaviours? are not necessarily naughty/difficult/high maintenance?.but that is certainly when the phrase is uttered

Ah right, me too. A son too.

You mentioned a daughter so I thought you had one.

My concern about raising an only son is that he won't have a sister and so his interaction with girls will be out in the rest of the world only where he will be swayed by society's norms. He does have female cousins and I do intend to buy him lots of books with female characters and he has a kitchen, a pushchair and so on.

agree with the OP. Most of the things that are "so typical" don't apply to my children: my DS doesn't have more energy than my DD - he's lazier and less likely to be running around. On the other hand, he was much quicker to potty train which is not the way it's "supposed" to be. They both like trains, neither of them like dolls, they both love pretending to be babies.

Boys are so different to girls in the sense that children are different to other children. Really annoying.

YABU. I have a daughter (eldest) and 2 sons. My boys behave differently to my daughter. They are far more physical and yes I do think it's a boy thing.

There is always someone on these threads who thinks that just because HER boys and girls conform to the stereotypes, the stereotypes must be correct and apply to ALL children.

YANBU OP. It is unhelpful to both boys and girls to "expect" certain behaviour from them just because of their gender.

My boy is a boy.
He has short hair.
No ear-rings (I won't let him until he's 16)
He doesn't wear pink
He's messy and disorganised.
He's welded to his X-Box.
He does karate and rugby
I love him.

My DD is a girl.
Long hair.
An excess of pink- her choice not mine
Gymnastics
She's tidy and organised
I love her.

So shoot me.

Gives not a toss

not really sure what your point is 70?

No one is saying boys and girls shouldn't be interested in the stereotypical stuff. It just shouldn't be assumed it's because of their gender.

I have three girls.

DD1 has ADD, she doesn't do the sitting quietly and colouring that I am told makes having three girls easy. She likes cars, fairies and animals.

DD2 does sit and concentrate of drawing, but is also a runner and climber. She can climb anything, usually while dressed as a princess.

DD3 is a big, strong baby (7mths and standing holding on to things), she gets called a 'pretty little doll'.

It drives me bonkers, I really hate it. A consultant paediatrician told me that having three girls must be easy compared to boys.

70 it's funny isn't it?

My DS is a boy.
Long hair (shoulder length)
No earrings (same as you)
Messy and disorganised
Doesn't wear pink
Does music, art and poetry
No sport
poor self care skills

My DD is a girl.
Long hair (mid-back length)
Loves pink
Does ballet
Loves puppies and kittens
Reasonably tidy and organised
Good self care skills
Loves football (much to my chagrin!)

They are both the people they are because they are the people they are. I've given them equal opportunities to do everything e.g. they both did football in reception, they both went to dance classes.

They just are who they are!

I'm very stereotypically girly in some ways, so I don't think there's anything wrong with children being. It's when that's the only thing that's allowed that it becomes a problem eg the parent saying to male children, no you mustn't play with that, or telling girls they are too noisy.

or only dressing them in pink.
Or telling boys that pink is just for girls.

Not giving children the freedom to make their own choice, only giving boys cars to play with and telling them dolls are for girl. It really bugs me.

nice time to post this?

Awwwwww!

That's lovely, DF!

I wasn't allowed pierced ears either - not til 18 - and cant imagine allowing DS. (yes I am female) Mine still aren't pierced actually. I know plenty of children have pierced ears but I don't allow DS to do things just because others do. It's not a gender thing though.

YABU. Obviously, girls are very different to boys. Ask any teacher.

However, it does not mean that girls cannot be boisterous and boys cannot be quiet and gentle.

However, generally speaking boys are well, boyish, and girls are, lets say, more girlie.

I've just read the whole topic with great interest. I was not a 'typical girl' growing up and really suffered. My 18 month old DD loves cars, planes and sport (especially the Formula 1 on the TV) but she also loves animals. I think she's going to be a lot like me in personality so I'm determined that she won't suffer for wanting to do 'boys' things as a girl.

I do know someone who used to call my DD 'gender confused' when I dressed her in blue. . It drove me insane.

I think as a society many people place far too much emphasis on gender being innate when it's probably more from parenting and environment.

I do take slight issue with current policies focusing on improving boys' academically - not with the policy itself, I DO think the fact boys aren't as good academically as girls needs to be addressed. But where are all the policies encouraging girls to take part in sport? I love football and would have given anything for the chance to play as a child - school wouldn't allow girls to play at all (we had to play hockey) and in the playground if you asked the boys to play they would laugh at you. I doubt things have changed much. It wasn't until I was in my late teens that I found a women's football club (it was run by the local professional men's club) and I played at a semi-pro level for a few years.

I don't like the term 'boys read for purpose' - it suggests that girls only read for the fun of it when actually, that's not true. I read everything as a child, now I'm a published writer. There is a 'purpose' to all reading.

Wow that was a rant. It's a subject close to my heart!

Migsy I am a teacher. I'm sure there are other teachers on this thread.

There is no question that, in general, boys and girls act differently. The question is "why"? Is it down to socialisation or is it down to biology? While I'm not saying biology doesn't play a part, I think the main reason for behaviours of any kind is socialisation.

I admire that couple who were in teh Daily Mail (sorry) some months ago for not revealing to anyone whether their child was a boy or girl, and bringing them up as gender neutral.

I wish I'd been that brave.

interesting read!

ihave 4 boys and 1 girl, i have to say all 4 of my boys are all hugely different.

ds1 (almost 13) quiet, bookish, into computers and technic lego and all things 'geeky' very good at art and very bright.

ds2 (10yrs) full of energy, crawled at 5mths, walked at 9mths on the go ever since! loves football, but also very bright like ds1. he also likes drawing but loves playing iwth nerf guns and pretend battling etc.

ds3 (7yrs) very friendly, cheerful, loves pink, purple anything to do with fairies! has tried football club this term and is a bit undecided, thinks he prefers tennis, he can be just as noisy and boisterous as ds2 but his interests are very different.

ds4 (4yrs) very energetic (when he wants to be not when i want him to walk somehwere!) loves imaginative play, climbing, cars, lego, getting dirty, sand,water etc, fairly typical pre-schooler i would say, not keen at trying to write but very good with his phonics and number recognition already.

dd (19mths) the baby of the family, doted on by her big brothers, a very active toddler, loves climbing and running around and basically anything her big brothers are doing. she also likes a doll and toy pushchair (that belonged to her brothers) and her tea set, but equally will play with toy cars and train track.

i think there probably are some differences due to biology and hormones, but a lot of it is social conditioning in some respects esp the pink/blue toy divide whic has got worse over the last 10yrs? but personality traits and differences i am not sure how much we influence those, i think we can and do a bit, but my 5 have all had very different personalities from being little babies.

it will be interesting for me to see how dd develops in the next few yrs, i have to say i am not a fan of pink and shy away from the whole girly steretype as that is not me at all! but i am enjoying buying her funky clothes! so far tho she is a just a typical toddler, loud, tantrums like a good un! but also cuddly, cute and adorable as my boys were at the same age (and still can be!)

i hear the typical boys comment a lot and i do think no just a typical CHILD! and its certainly not an excuse that i would ever use. stereotyping children in anyway is pretty crap imo.

OHF - how could you admire them, what a pair of prats.

What to gain by making a child so different to their peers?

"Oh, Child has gone to brush child's teeth and then child is going to child's bed. It's well past child's bedtime now, child will be grumpy in the morning".

I find this difficult, as despite my best efforts my dcs are complete gender stereotypes. It's weird: I really didn't raise them this way.

My boy is very empathetic tho, so maybe have done something right

A subject so close to my heart & a frequent source of my RL ranting. I have a DS, a beautiful loving sunny happy child. It drives me mad how many times I've been told 'he won't/can't do that because he's a boy'. Usually developmental things like potty training or speech or even reading books or colouring. My most favourite comment of all time was 'he's bright for a boy'! (DS was a cooing 6mth old at the time) Why do we expect so little of our boys?
For me children are children, regardless of gender. They are who they are, and I like to give my DS choices.
The negative gender stereotyping is crazy. I've got so many friends who have DDs and almost all have said that this is a good thing because they want to go shopping with them and they prefer pink clothes to boring boy clothes! Why?! Is this what we desire for our girls? And is aggressive/macho behaviour what we desire for our boys?
I'm proud my DS is who he is and it's nice to read that others feel the same frustrations as me.
So no, OP, I don't think YANBU. I will crawl back into my lurker hole now

i don't think you are being unreasonable that last bit should have said!!! And this is why I don't post much

This is a topic that gets me going too OP. I am firmly in the 'socialisation' camp. A lot of what parents do with their children is unconscious but there are still plenty of examples of overt gender stereotyping, often in the form of dads insisting that their DS must not be given dolls or allowed to dress up in princess costumes for example. A mum told me last week that her child's father is adamant he (little boy) must not be given dolls as it will 'make him gay' Horrendous and really sad. I work in Early Years and am forever telling parents how important it is that children get loads of different types of play opportunities - they will decide for themselves what they like and that may follow what is 'expected' for their gender but it may not and that's ok too.

I also agree with the earlier poster who feels drawn to people who are 'different'. I am very 'different' myself and have always felt like an outsider for lots of reasons and I'm very aware how important it is not to stereotype children or adults based on their gender. If everyone is expected to fit into a box, what happens to the people who don't? It can be so isolating and really scary to feel that you are not accepted for being who you are.