To say fuck ruining your life, pay some bloody child maintenance

[MagicLlamaStrikesBack]

DS2(7) dad has chosen to have nothing to do with him.

He hasnt seen him now since just after Christmas. Prior to that hes seen him on about 5 occasions in the preceeding 12 months and that is the sum of his involvement in the whole of DSs life to date the fuckwit

Finally after being messed around with I will see him its just very difficult and lifes messy and whines about not knowing him, I in a fit of spiteful temper contacted the CSA in April. I let Ex know, cue a raft of text messages about his life being ruined, how he wouldnt be able afford to live, how selfish I was etc etc. Finally after me ignoring him he stopped texting.

The CSA have been useless a bit slow and its taken them until last week to actually get in contact with him, and ive received 4 missed calls from the Ex over the weekend, followed by a very self pitying facebook message yesterday, saying that they have assessed him at £375 per month!!! This will apparently ruin his life even more than me contacting him to try and get him to see DS did, he will not have any kind of life whilst he has to pay maintenance, it will mean he will lose his house, his partner is on the verge of leaving him because of this crap, he wont even be able to afford his dog, or his gym membership or even his (sob sob cry) fish.

My initial reponse if Fuck the Fuck Off, but I dont actually want to ruin his life, so am wobbling on the verge of backing down as all I wanted was for him to see DS.

Having a mortgage, or other costs is no reason to not pay maintenance for a child. It is his responsibility.

You seem to have an axe to grind with the system, with the CSA. If you do, take it elsewhere and leave the OP alone.

Am horrified Dr Arse sought Magic out in hospital after she'd given birth to tell her he didn't want anything to do with his son. In the dictionary next to 'callous' ought to be Dr Arse (or should that be Mr Arse if he's a consultant?)

And let's remember, he was a good friend of her brothers and 15 years older than Magic...not some callow youth but already a father of 3.

It doesn't matter if he wanted the child or not. His sperm fertilised an egg and ergo he becomes a father. He may not want to actually be a father but strangely the law of the land says he has a level of financial responsibility to that child because he is responsible for the child's very existence. I doubt very much his relationship failure has anything to do with £375 a month for one of his 4 children, but everything to do with his behaviour. We saw an example of it in the texts he sent Magic.

If I were DrArse's most recent partner - with her own child, remember - I would certainly not want to share my life and that of my child with a man who shows such utter disregard for the welfare of children who are his responsibility.

incidently do we ever think the csa will include a tick box on their variation form entitled "with hindsight after bounceing up and down on top of the applicant and the applicant informing me that she was pregnant i decided i didnt really fancy having a child so please remove all responsability i have towards the child"

If he has a mortgage that only leaves him with £400 then he hasn't budgeted in line with the number of children he's fathered. As previously suggested, MSE has some great help with this.

"DrArse also has to face the consequences of his actions."

In truth, Dr Arse is facing up to the consequences of the OPs actions as she was the one who decided to keep the child.

And there is the fundamental unfairness.

OP - take the money, but it wont do your conscience any good.

Sock - where the hell did I say that you absolute fool.

the csa is a blunt tool

its not really its designed to obtain maintainance from absent parents. surely if it were a blunt tool the op would have had to of allready recived something or have some sort of arangement in place,how is doing its job a bad thing? im actually intrested to know

nasty control and force
op had a short lived relationship that broke up leaving her pregnant she informs him of this and then again when child is born.he has no intrest,she waits 7 years in the hope that he will step up to his responsabilitys but he wont so she uses the csa.
would you explain exactly how this is control and force? and exactly why you think this child deserves nothing from his dad?

Just because a child isn't wanted by the dad doesn't mean the mum should abort, I never said that

Oh and there's also many women who do this purposely.

"The CSA is a blunt tool, and often misused with very unfair results"

I think the 'unfair results' tend to be that single mothers and the tax payer in the UK are overwhelmingly shouldering the bulk of the costs of raising the children of non-resident fathers.

That's what's unfair.

enter you made quite a big deal as to how after finding out she was pregnant he was not intrested, so how is that question foolish?

in my experance the only way to intentionally remove a pregnancy is to terminate

"Oh and there's also many women who do this purposely"

Proof?

If you can't find any facts to back up that statement you should apologise.

And then fuck off.

The OP is not taking the money. The money is taken by the CSA for the child's benefit.

The original action required to create a child is for two people to have sex. You can't absolve yourself of all responsibility due to other choices taking place after this event.

Dr Arse should have realised that the act of procreation, er, leads to procreation. You think he might have got that after number 1 or 2 or 3 before getting to number 4. If he was a a yoof on a dog-rough housing estate with 3 baby-mothers you would not be saying the same.

Sorry about speaking in those terms Magic, I was extrapolating to make a point.

Fundamental unfairness?

Sometimes, depending on their location, the point at which they discover pregnancy, the actual laws in that location, and their own moral beliefs, women get a second chance to say No. This second chance does not remove men's initial right to say, "no bouncing on the bed tonight, I'm too poor"!

I am off. This thread was great for the OP to get support but now it has been invaded by CSA bashers, there is no point.

This is no longer about the OP, but about scoring points.

Magic
I wish you luck in your fight with DrArse, and hope that if you need support from MN, you will return and find it here.

the op has clearly stated that she didnt do this intentionally she has also not asked him for anything for 7 years

Dr Arse can quit whining, dust off his wallet and cough up.

Why the hell should the average tax payer (£24kpa) support a child whose father earns £100kpa?

Thats one way of looking at it Sock.

Another way is - the OP got pregnant by her own mistake, didnt tell Dr Arse until it was to late for either of them to do anything about it, took DS away and brought him up herself until DS started showing an interest in his father.

She then appeared in his life, demanding he engage with DS and caused DrArse huge problems at home and financially. She freely admits its not about the money though, but the CSA is being used to get what she wants.

Dr Arse has been royally fucked over, other than when he did the fucking.

As SecretPlace said, its amazing any man would go near women while this kind of behavior continues to be approved of on places like MN.

Looktoshinford. Are you a reluctant father yourself, who didn't confirm before PIV sex what the woman in the situation would do if faced with an unplanned pregnancy?!

I have always been upfront with every person I have ever slept with about the fact that in the event of an accidental pregnancy, I would NOT terminate. And STILL I have been in the OP's position.

And FFS, if a DOCTOR is too controlled by his knob to make use of his medical training that would have taught him that the pill is at best 99% effective if taken properly, then what hope is there for the rest of the men out there?!

A man DOES have a choice about what to do if he doesn't want a child. In fact, lots of choices. He can a) Stick a condom on it. b) Refuse PIV sex. c) Have a vasectomy. d) Ensure he has seen medical evidence that the female he wishes to have PIV sex with has been sterilised. e) SAY NO.

5 separate choices, and yet you boil it down to the fact that someone does not have a termination.

You really do sound like a bloke who couldn't be bothered to be in control of his own contraceptive choices, and remarkably bitter about the fact that you have to financially support a child.

Which you wouldn't have had if you had picked one of the five options above to ensure that you wouldn't have to financially support a child.

Stop derailing the OP's thread, go and start your own thread if you want to mumble about how 'nasty women shouldn't take men to the cleaners' or whatever.

And let us get on with the serious business of supporting someone who is quibbling over paying what amounts to be a very small percentage (figure will, of course, follow) of his total income.

OP, don't let these things sway you. He knew right from the start that you were pregnant. HE chose to ignore that fact. HE knew that you had had the baby - enough to come and harass you while you were still in the hospital, reminding you that he wouldn't support the baby. HE chose to come and see your DS a few times then drop him, not caring about the emotional effect that would have on a small child. HE chose not to step up and financially support his child. HE chose to whine like a petulant baby when it looks like he is going to be made to. HE is trying to emotionally blackmail you into dropping this, so he can keep enjoying his nice house and nice cars and gym membership and pets. HE is conveniently trying to ignore the fact that you have paid for everything for your son for seven years now.

YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.

Whether men like it or not, really their choice over whether a baby is possibly created ends at the time of PIV sex, they have to make their decisions on that BEFORE PIV sex. And good men DO THAT.

Looktoshinford, do you genuinely believe that it came as a complete surprise to this fucking doctor that, once he has had sex with a woman that has resulted in a pregnancy, that the woman gets to choose whether to continue with the pregnancy or not?

Do you believe that he was also shocked and amazed to discover that once you do have a child you have a financial responsibility for it? Remember that, by this point, this bloke already had several kids he was allegedly paying maintenance for.

I ask because I'm a 40-mumble year old bloke and I've known all this since I was about 12. Do you really think this is all news to this doctor and something he had no idea might happen?

Actually Dr Arse has full responsability for his penis, He also has full control over where he puts his penis.

Given the fact he is a doctor he should be fully aware that putting your penis in a womans vagina then ejaculating could result in a (sock, horror) BABY! Even when using contraception.

He could have chosen to abstain but he didn't, Which makes his son his responsability.