To say fuck ruining your life, pay some bloody child maintenance

[MagicLlamaStrikesBack]

DS2(7) dad has chosen to have nothing to do with him.

He hasnt seen him now since just after Christmas. Prior to that hes seen him on about 5 occasions in the preceeding 12 months and that is the sum of his involvement in the whole of DSs life to date the fuckwit

Finally after being messed around with I will see him its just very difficult and lifes messy and whines about not knowing him, I in a fit of spiteful temper contacted the CSA in April. I let Ex know, cue a raft of text messages about his life being ruined, how he wouldnt be able afford to live, how selfish I was etc etc. Finally after me ignoring him he stopped texting.

The CSA have been useless a bit slow and its taken them until last week to actually get in contact with him, and ive received 4 missed calls from the Ex over the weekend, followed by a very self pitying facebook message yesterday, saying that they have assessed him at £375 per month!!! This will apparently ruin his life even more than me contacting him to try and get him to see DS did, he will not have any kind of life whilst he has to pay maintenance, it will mean he will lose his house, his partner is on the verge of leaving him because of this crap, he wont even be able to afford his dog, or his gym membership or even his (sob sob cry) fish.

My initial reponse if Fuck the Fuck Off, but I dont actually want to ruin his life, so am wobbling on the verge of backing down as all I wanted was for him to see DS.

Boys in my school are taught a number of key messages about sexual relationships including guess what? Sex leads to babies! If they don't want to be a father, especially when not in a long-term committed relationship, they are responsible for using contraception - or don't have sex that can lead to getting a woman pregnant. The pill is known to fail for a variety of reasons. Otherwise it up to your arms in nappies and bye bye 15% of your salary for the next 18+ years.

EnterShikari
that is very noble of you, but I suspect that a lot of women would say that until they were in the situation of being a single parent who struggles to make ends meet. What would you do for childcare, assuming you were going to work?

Why should the state pay benefits when the feckless fathers don't bother paying a ha'penny for their kids?

(absolutely not blaming anyone, single mother or not, who is on benefits, but first and foremost the men shoudl be made to pay)

Looksto Are you my X? Would it make you feel better to know that I did book a termination when I found out, that I was so ashamed and worried about it that I couldnt tell anyone other than my HV that I had found out I was pregnant. That I finally had to tell my cousin and swear her to secrecy because I had noone else to look after DS1. That I took myself all the way to the abortion clinic by myself with no support, and that when at the last moment, I couldnt take the tablet, I cried my way all the way home on the train because I knew, just knew that the situation was chronically unfair, the DS1, to the baby I couldnt terminate, to Dr Arse, to everyfucker, and that my selfish choice to keep DS, a choice I dont regret in the slightest now, would have far reaching repercussions. That I have to live with those choices every fucking day. When my little boy asks what he did wrong so his daddy wont see him, when fathers day comes along and he makes cards for his grandad because his daddy doesnt care. Yes I chose to have DS, and I would chose that again, but dont think it was or has been easy.

Enter
The OP's child is a boy, and she decided to keep her son for her own reasons, which have NOTHING to do with the payment of maintenance.

I agree with Frontline, Magic. Have this thread deleted and start a new one under a new name.

err Isn't he taking her to the cleaners by expecting the OP to carry the entire burden of bringing up his child which neither of them had planned.

As for the contraception failure - well he is a doctor and knows that no contraception is 100% but that didn't stop him having sex so he understood the risk he was taking or was reckless as to that risk.

"he came in after I had DS to helpfully tell me he hadnt changed his mind he still wanted nothing to do with him as his priorty was his partner"

So he told you he didnt want you to have the child, you had it anyway, and you wonder why he wants nothing to do with your DS?

Hes not the problem here.

"Women have no duty to terminate"

No but people have a duty to live with the consequences of their actions. In this case, OP brought a child into the world knowing that the father wasnt interested.

holy his parents are elderly, and he has given them an ultimatum that if they see DS they wont see him. His mum (according to my mum who got this information) was quite upset about it, but she feels she needs to offer support to her DS, not my DS who they dont know. I have no idea how to contact his sister.

You chose not to terminate OP, and well done for that decision.

But thats no reason to now fuck Dr Arses life up if you dont absolutely need to.

Well, there's a dangerous road to go down. Reminds me a bit of a friend's ex. Ex knew friend was pro-life. Ex didn't want to use condom. Ta da- baby. And he tried to force her to terminate.

Me, I'm pro-choice. Important word: choice. It's not choice if you're forced/pressured either way.

lookto
oh, do get real. How is she ruining his life? Do you believe that the loss of £375 from his wages is going to ruin him? HOW?

lookto she has not attempted to justify anything other than her decision to contact the csa, you know that gov agency whose job it actually is to force nrp's who refuse to maintain any children they have.

hes been ordered to pay less than he would have had to if op's child had been his only child, his other mistakes are all older than op's child (op please dont think im calling your child a mistake im refering to drtwats behaviour) so clearly he never learnt.

how exactly does 10% of his income fuck up his life? how does is threaten his job? how do we know its his maintainance liabilities causing a breakdown in his relationship? perhaps his gf finally worked out what a deadbeat he is and didnt want to risk the same for any future children she may have.

so do you think dads who dont wish to become dads should be able to force a termination or compleatly ignore there responsabilities?

He did get a choice. He had the choice of keeping his dick in his trousers. The minute you get it out, and put your sperm in a woman, you have made your choice. He's a DOCTOR FFS! He knows how it works! OP dealt with her side of the responsibility. She was on the pill.
£375 a month out of £100k + is nothing. He is not being taken to the cleaners!

lookto please explain how three hundred quid a month is going to fuck up the life of someone who is quite possibly on a six figure salary. I am on a six figure salary and believe me he could find it without too much pain if he wanted to.

frontline how exactly do you think he could use this thread against her????
this is the uk nothing like this has any impact on the csa they opperate within a set of rules that dont get changed by anything other than other rules in the same damn rule book.
nothing actually identifys him,no details that could reasonably be expected to identify him have been divulged. hes just a faceless feckless parent of 3 kids who has gf troubles who happens to be a medical docter. that could be millions of people

I am just giving you advice I wont reveal why.

Looks to me like she is living with it! And why, why, why shouldn't the father have to live with it? He had sex too. Assuming that your girlfriend will just conveniently abort for you, and resenting her when she doesn't, isn't taking responsibility.

Frontline
Do you know the OP?

If he is on £100kpa, then £375pm is around 4% of his income! Hardly ruining his life! I know people who spend more than that on wine per month!

I think you need to stop feeling guilty OP. You made the right choice for you and your son. The CSA are looking after your son too, let them do that.

enterShikari if your advocating forcing abortions on mothers who want their child can parent well just because the dad of that child has no intrest and sometime in the future may decide he has no intrest in paying for said child

then you are a twat of the highest order you need a serious reality check and you may also want to consider fucking off then fucking off some more and when you get there fuck off again.

not a personal attack against you just your very warped ideas

lookto If we are being pedantic he didnt tell me he didnt want DS when I went to him whilst I was pregnant. He told me he couldnt deal with me "right now". It was after I went ta da baby that he said he had enough on his plate and so couldnt "deal with being a father right now" that when DS expressed an interest in him he would deal with it then. Guess he expected it to be 16 - 20 years later rather than 5. I always did have poor timekeeping

frontline thats all very dagger and cloak like. Do I know you?

Maybe he has a mortgage that leaves him with only 400 a month left.

Who knows? Certainly not the OP and certainly not MN posters.

Though I imagine hes more concerned with the imminent end to his relationship. What woman wants that kind of baggage in a man? Clearly its better to walk away now the OP has helpfully shown what an utter cnut he is etc. etc. etc after turning up unannounced and demanding he be a father to the child he never wanted.

There is nasty control and force going on here, but its not coming from Dr Arse.

The CSA is a blunt tool, and often misused with very unfair results.

Lookto - DrArse also has to face the consequences of his actions. He is a doctor who was already a father - as others have said, if he wanted sex with no risk of pregnancy he should have had a vasectomy, or least used a condom. He also made choices that he has to take responsibility for.

His life won't be fucked up by him paying his fair share . He just doesn't want to give up his toys.

Magic, please don't waver.

Is Frontline his new partner?