To be creeped out by photos of strangers holding my child?

[turboorange]

After a paternity test when my LO was 18 months old she has starting seeing her biological father (once a week for the last 7 months). He took her out for the first time last week. I have no contact with him and all visitation is done through my mother. I have now seen photos on facebook of my daughter playing with people I don't know and have been told she saw her father's family too (I really don't like them). It makes me very uncomfortable and I don't want my LO leaving town with her father again. I might feel differently if she could fully describe her day. AIBU?

My course is dropping down to less days so I'll be home more. Will try arrange nursery for days I'm studying so we get lots of time together. She sleeps really well so I can study in the evenings now unlike when she was little. Trying to only take on well paid commissions so I don't have to do many. I think I'll arrange to see my doctor before I speak to my LO's father. It started out okay really. After the test we chatted and seemed okay but then it all got a bit shit when he tried to persuade me to get back in a relationship with him.

you certainly appear to have alot on your mind and alot going on in your life...I hope your GP, HV, Surestart, everyone you are already involved with are and can give you all the support you need...

Good luck

Thank you all. I'm going to sleep and have a good day with my LO tomorrow and try think rationally. I didn't realise how selfish I am.

But she is weith people he doesn't know 6 days a week, or potentially could be. How would you feel if he didn't want dd to see anyone he didn't know?

Turbo it sounds like you're in a really tough place through circumstances that happened, despite your regrets now. I really feel for you - it must feel like you're losing control and scared of losing all that you love. I think you may also have people around you (like your mum) that don't necessarily have YOUR best interests at heart. I think every mum thinks that they make a better mum than their daughter at some point, but DD is YOURS, not HERS.

Try and focus on you and your DD. The better YOU are, the better you will be able to care for your DD. If you need help to get better, then try and accept it, or look for it.

Her father is her father. You may not like him, but he is who he is. Would it help if you could arrange to meet him in a neutral place and have a talk about the situation. It sounds like he has good intentions, and if you can have a civil, structured discussion, then maybe you can agree guidelines and boundaries about your DDs care? Things like where he takes her, letting you know who she's spending time with if he's not there. It's only fair though that if you ask this of him, that he can ask it of you.

Can you get advice and help through somewhere like a sure start centre / children's centre?

Err he's not her father because of a 'mess with dates'. He's her father because you got pregnant by him. And not the other bloke. It's frankly all a buy Jeremy Kyle.

Having read the whole thread, I agree with others that you need some more support OP. Your feelings are understandable, but they don't justify any change in the arrangements for your DD. It might be worth seeing what your uni can offer in terms of pastoral care/counselling as well as just your GP.

Try not to be too hard on yourself and please speak to your GP as it will be in confidence. Don't let your mum EVER convince you about adoption - silly woman, what an unsuportive move by her.

Keep going, seek help. The surestart centre by the way should treat things you tell them in confidence and I would ask thermos do that and not speak to your mother or anyone about any issues you raise with them without your permission.

OP, can I just say I'm a 33 year old mum of a 2 year old. I hate anyone else having her. She's not had a night away from us and we rarely go out without her.

However, I do think the others are right, you need to go speak to your GP and ask for councilling (sp). You have so much on your plate at the moment holding down a job, going to Uni and raising your little girl and to be honest it doesn't sound like you get too much support.

Speak to your tutor at Uni, Student Services may have some kind of councilling service you can access. Also speak to your GP, they can help. Mostly, give yourself a break, you are doing a good job in difficult circumstances.

Well as i said up thread and was jumped on,, i totally I understand how you feel about allowing your little one to stop overnight, especially as your original post said there were pictures of her on Facebook with people you didn't know. I didn't let any if my children Stay away from me until they were a lot older than 2.

Yes it's with her dad but op doesn't know his family that well.

I assume you didn't marry him so I think all the parental rights are with you actually, why can't dad visit dd at your house or take her out for days but return at night.

Your mom needs to stop arranging things, that's your job.

Definatly get help, keep on at uni studies and perhaps look at moving out from home as soon as you can.

To be honest op I thought from your posts you were a lot younger than 25 but motherhood is bloody tough at any age.

And on dd calling you by your name and not mom, don't worry, my kids called their dad D for years, no idea why to this day.

Good luck

i can understand why you are feeling the way you do. from what you've said her father was someone you wouldn't normally touch with a barge pole and now you can't just forget about him and are a bit worried about your daughter turning out like him and his (i'm going to assume a little bit shady) family so you want to limit their influence as much as possible? is that right? i can understand why you feel that way but the fact is he must have something about him if he has stepped up to be a father to a child he didn't think was his. a lot of men don't. just keep reminding yourself about that.

practical bit of advice, if you are at uni and are getting a student loan you will be entitled to a childcare grant which will cover nursery fees and you don't have to pay it back. it is also a better financial option than tax credits (you can't get both the childcare grant and tax credits at the same time). i was at uni when i had DD1 and it was a huge help. call the student loan company and make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to!

You've had a hell of a shock finding out he was the Dad and I suppose you are comparing him unfavourably to your other boyfriend. You sound quite down and that is probably why you are feeling so negative. You should try and get some counselling to work through everything that has happened and to boost your self confidence. Your insecurity will only be heightened if you think your Mum wants to adopt your dd. WTF?
You need to try and change your mindset about your DD's father- every time you think of something negative try and think of something positive. He has stepped up to the plate and obviously loves your daughter very much. It is wonderful for her that he has. Look on him as an asset - you may need his help one day. Step away from fb- all you need to know when she comes home is that she is happy and well looked after.

There's no point in encouraging the op to see herself as holding all the "rights" in this scenario - as soon as this man found out he was a father he seems to have stepped up and has maintained contact for seven months. If he went to court to seek parental responsibility he'd get it.

OP some of what you have posted makes you sound v v immature and unfair to this chap, but really thd most important thing is that you seek rl support - not to block him out but to help you learn to co parent effectively. Because that is what is in your dds best interest.

chubfuddler ...excellent point...the DF has been there consistently for 7months+ since getting the paternity test back with a positive result. He obviously has his priorities in the right place and wants to be there and have a good relationship with his DD. I'm assuming that OP's mother is trying to support the DC having both her parents and facilitates that as much as possible...which I can only see as the right thing to do.

OP I think you maybe would benefit from using counselling to work through all these feelings you have and try to find a more positive view of this situation. It would seem a good thing that your DD has her DF in her life...perhaps it is you who needs to realise that working on an amicable relationship for your DD's sake is the right way forward...

I wouldn't think a grown man masterbating within the privacy of a bedroom when he thought there was nobody about was in any way pervy either...pity you walked in on that though....embarrassing for all. You need to be sure people hear you arriving next time maybe!!!Watching porn in the privacy of your home isn't pervy either...and alot more common than you imagine...certainly not unusual...I'm not sure you aren't looking for reason's to dislike people??...again I assume you walked into the room unannounced!!?...bad timing on your part I'd say

What general part of the country are you in OP? I'd be willing to offer some support/friendship if you're anywhere near? If you don't want to say I here then PM me

Op keep posting on here and try some of the other threads that might help you like the lone parent board and relationships. Chat is also a good place as its busy like AIBU but a bit more relaxed. You have had some great advice on here and you seem to have taken it on board. I'm sure it will turn out right in the long run and as your dd gets older you probably will find letting go that bit easier. All the best.

Yes you are being unreasonable. She has a right to get to know her family, and so far the Father has given you no cause for concern.There is no handbook for parenting, so he might make different decisions to what you would, but taking her to visit extended family is a reasonable and great choice for a child's well-being.

I hope for your child's sake you find a way to work through your negative feelings. Your choices helped to create the situation. The best you can do now is concentrate on being a good Mum and let the guy carry on trying to be a good Dad the best way he knows how.