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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely incandescent about this?

131 replies

AmberNectarine · 14/07/2012 06:30

Not so 'D'H is off on a stag do this morning, back tomorrow PM. Normally we each have a lie in on a weekend morning, but obviously as he won't be here tomorrow morning I have no option but to get up with the DCs (2.6 and 12mo), which will likely be before 6am.

Now, as he is off on a jolly and I will be doing all the childcare this weekend I has rather foolishly assumed I would get the lone lie-in this morning, but when we discussed it last night I was informed I am incredibly selfish, as obviously overall he would get less sleep this weekend, as he is on a stag do.

Bit of background: I am on mat leave at the moment, DH works long hours and was away with work this week. He is also additionally tired as he was away with work for a couple of days this week, and was out out on the lash til gone midnight both nights (I know this as he phoned me 'to tell me that he loved me' Hmm while merry). Our DD (12mo) has never slept through and still wakes 3+ times per night, and as I am bf and he is working I deal with every single night waking, so the one little bit of uninterrupted sleep I get on a weekend morning is very precious to me, and I am loath to relinquish it.

Am I being unreasonable to think that, actually, that is his choice, and no one is forcing him to go and get ridiculously shitfaced and stay out til all hours, whereas I have no choice but to look after our children?

Disclaimer: my judgement may be clouded as I haven't had a night out since March and that was for a couple of hours.

OP posts:
LurkeyLurkerson · 14/07/2012 06:32

He's being a knob

ClaireBunting · 14/07/2012 06:32

YABU to be incandescent about anything.

Can't you be happy for your DH and less woeful about yourself?

NunTheWiser · 14/07/2012 06:33

He is right royally taking the piss.

JeezyPeeps · 14/07/2012 06:35

YANBU. And you would be completely in your rights to book a spa weekend (or whatever) for next weekend and leave him to it. Make sure you leave nice and early (maybe stay an extra night) to ensure no lie in for him.

JeezyPeeps · 14/07/2012 06:37

Although I've just reread and see you are bf - so that won't work.

So bargain. You get both lie-ins the following weekend, maybe?

Original poster
AmberNectarine · 14/07/2012 06:41

Claire I'm very happy for him, I've recently had to pass on a couple of hen nights due to the limitations of a baby who will not drink from a bottle/cup etc, so I think it's great that he has the freedom to go and have fun. Have you never been so dog-tired that minor issues get elevated beyond their worth? Also I find it hard to be as charitable as you suggest when I am shouted at and called selfish.

OP posts:
MrsMangoBiscuit · 14/07/2012 06:41

He's away, he won't have to get up with the kids tomorrow, he can lie in then if he wants. I wouldn't have let him lie in this morning to be honest. I would either have talked it through last night till he saw sense Grin or I would have made him get up with me this morning.

I do think you need to book some time to yourself though OP, be it a spa weekend, or night out with your friends. If it's a night out though, make sure you get the lie ins, as obviously overall you will get less sleep that weekend. Grin

WinkyWinkola · 14/07/2012 06:41

Very hard especially if you are the one getting up all the time. Early nights for you this weekend.

I know how it feels especially when you are bfing - it feels like everyone else is getting on with their lives regardless.

I reckon tot up all the times your dh has gone out/gone away over the year. Then, when you are more free, you are allowed the equivalent. Think of it - and tell him this - of your banking lie in/going out credits.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 14/07/2012 06:41

He shouted at you that you were selfish?? Shock

littlebluechair · 14/07/2012 06:43

He's being a selfish prick. I'd be pretty angry too. Not sure why you should be happy for your husband as a prev poster suggests!

Original poster
AmberNectarine · 14/07/2012 06:44

MrsMB I did try, but there was no talking it through, he was just shouting at me and I was so knackered that I just wanted to go to bed. When I got up this morning I told him in no unchain terms that I was not impressed at being bullied into this, and the sooner he got out of my hair for the weekend, the better.

OP posts:
ClaireBunting · 14/07/2012 06:44

It does sound a bit selfish when your main reason for not wanting him to go on the stag night is because you won't go on a hen night.

Original poster
AmberNectarine · 14/07/2012 06:46

Did I at any point say that I didn't want him to go? Read the OP and subsequent posts before weighing in, perhaps?

OP posts:
JeezyPeeps · 14/07/2012 06:46

She didn't say she doesn't want him to go on the stag night. She wants a lie in the one morning he is at the house this weekend. He has refused because he is going on a stag night.

JeezyPeeps · 14/07/2012 06:47

Cross post!

MrsMangoBiscuit · 14/07/2012 06:47

Do you have a toddler, or child who is old enough to jump on the bed? I would be kicking his sorry arse out of bed, and then out the front door, telling him to get his priorities in order while he's away. I'm angry for you! Is this a one off? Or does he shout you down regularly?

Original poster
AmberNectarine · 14/07/2012 06:48

And no, Claire, I 'won't' go on a hen weekend and leave him with a baby who will scream for milk all weekend, because that would make me a bit of a prick, wouldn't it?

OP posts:
Original poster
AmberNectarine · 14/07/2012 06:51

MrsMB I have a toddler, but that would not go down well, and frankly I can't handle the aggro. He can have his lie-in then piss off for the weekend. I just don't want to know.

OP posts:
BenderBendingRodriguez · 14/07/2012 06:52

He is being a complete arse. You have my sympathies as I also have 12mo who has never slept through and has been up for the day by 5am every morning since birth (also wouldn't take bottle etc., maybe they are PITA twins, so I know exactly how you feel about not being able to go out much).

There is nothing selfish about expecting a bit of give and take. I would be furious too - glad you gave him a piece of your mind.

user12785 · 14/07/2012 06:53

Put it on the calendar that you get both lie-ins next weekend. I know what it's like to look forward to a lie-in. I get one a fortnight and would also be seriously pissed off if my dh's social life robbed me of it.

Btw, re baby that won't drink from cup / bottle, I had this problem too. Turns out that it wasn't the bottle / cup, but formula that he didn't like. As soon as he was 12 months I tried cows' milk in an Avent magic cup, and we never looked back! Good luck!

TandB · 14/07/2012 06:57

Er, when does the OP say that her "main" reason for being annoyed is that she won't go on a hen night?

I read that her main reason for being annoyed is that she is bloody knackered and being expected to give up her only bit of guaranteed sleep so that her husband can go massively on the lash and voluntarily stay up late.

He is being a selfish arse, OP.

Original poster
AmberNectarine · 14/07/2012 07:01

Ooh, Eglantyne, she only turned 1 this week, and I haven't tried cow's milk yet. Will definitely try that, thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
AmberNectarine · 14/07/2012 07:03

Sympathies to Bender on your little PITA, mine is a wonderful child during the day, but undergoes a complete personality change after 8pm. Hope it improves for you soon!

OP posts:
AlpinePony · 14/07/2012 07:03

Yabu - it doesn't all revolve around you. If you want a night out, go and have one. Just stop using this PA competitive tiredness nonsense. says the woman who hasn't had a night out in god knows when

LittleWhiteWolf · 14/07/2012 07:05

I'd be pissed off, too. YANBU OP.

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