To be upset about this and wonder what to do?

[whathasthecatdonenow]

I work with someone I considered a friend e.g. we go on nights out, I'm invited to her wedding etc. This morning she was working in a different room when someone phoned our communal phone for her. I went to get her, and overheard her slagging me off to a colleague from another department. She was using really foul language and insulting my appearance, saying I had no personality, was sexually frustrated, she wanted to smash my face in for breathing, she wished I'd just kill myself.

I just backed away down the corridor and burst into tears and have barely been able to hold it together for the rest of the day. I'm so upset and I don't know how to even be in the same room as her now. I'm contemplating just not going into work tomorrow. I suffer with depression and was having a relatively 'happy' period but as soon as I heard this I just wanted to hurt myself.

I know we all have a moan about people, I'm as guilty as the next person, but this just felt incredibly vicious. AIBU to be so upset as I assume she never meant for me to hear?

Good luck today OP
she sounds absolutely hideous
I wouldn't be surprised if most people who know her actually have sneaking suspicions in the back of their mind that she is a back stabber/not quite as golden as she tries to appear...
I think you should report this in confidence so that it is on record. She is toxic and a bully. When she realises that she can't bully you (quite soon hopefully) she will move on to someone else, but she may try to subtly undermine you and your line manager needs to be forewarned.

No, dont put this in the context of you being vulnerable

She didn't just say that she doesn't like you

She said she wished you would kill yourself, and she wants to punch you in the face for breathing. Amongst other things. This is not normal. It is not ok

Your superiors need to know, if only to understand that you want to have little to do with her. If you are frosty, don't attend hen do etc, she can't paint you as the cruel one. Which is fine in life at large, who care what other people think. But this is your workplace; you deserve that at least your superiors know the truth of it.

The shame should be hers OP. Not yours

Getting this out in the open, is the only way to shift the shame

Also, in a less emotional/personal level;

She said all this at work (not in the pub or her own home). It is really unprofessional

Oh sweetheart I want to give you a squeeze.

It's not that now you know how others see you, it's tgat you have seen her for who she really is.

Don't call her out, she'll try and turn it round, just stay professional and cull. Fwiw it sounds more like showing off to me, you can't hate someone that much and want them at your wedding. She was playing up to tge mooning I think.

Hope you got a good nights kip.

I agree with OhNoMyFanjo. I'm sure that the others don't like her, she sounds horrible, they just keep their heads down and ignore. I wouldn't go to the wedding - keep your distance and ignore as much as possible.
Hope you feel better about it now.

I don't know if anyone has already said this
You realise that she is like this about everyone don't you?
Someone who is that nasty about someone they invite to weddings, go out with etc...no none is off bounds.

She is a nast piece of work.
She sounds like she was showing off.

Where do you work whathas in a juvenile delinquent day centre. Unbelievably immature behaviour and language from both of them .

I agree call her on it - in public.

Please please dont feel down, it only gets to you because you are a nice person with feelings - unlike her/them. l know who l'd rather spend my lunch break with/have at my wedding, between you and her and spineless male colleague.

You - definitely.

'PLEASE! There is no way the postings above from the OP are from a qualified and rational teacher.
Well none that I have ever met.'

Complexnumber, you are talking utter crap. Or you live in a secluded and exquisite bubble where all is lovely and you don't understand that many other people don't.
You may not have experienced this situation, many of us have in different forms.

OP, no advice other than to say if you are on ADs and have a low opinion of yourself, you know that feeling paranoid is part of it, and that leads to thinking 'How many other people see me like this woman does?'
The true answer will be no one will be as vile and nasty in their thoughts as this woman, she is at the far end of foul. The exception to the rule.
Don't go to the wedding, do get counselling if this woman's words stay with you and start to corrode your self-image further. Think about what you are going to do in the holidays and work on loving yourself for who you are. Don't apologise or justify anything to yourself, you are not fat or plain or ugly or annoying.
You are a human being and deserving of respect and appreciation.

'PLEASE! There is no way the postings above from the OP are from a qualified and rational teacher.
Well none that I have ever met.'*

I agree-from someone who leads a very sheltered life!

I worked in an office of four bitches once. l was the new girl basically and they were a long standing witches coven 'click'.

I knew they were slagging me off every time l went out the door and one day l had to go to another dept for half an hour or so.

So l put my phone on silent (in case it rang and gave game away) and then on voice recorder and tucked it inside a file stood on my desk.

When l came back l took it on my break and listened. l was actually sat in a loo cubicle in floods of tears. They had spent the whole half hour just ripping me to shreds basically.

l went back in the office, after composing myself and put my phone on speaker and pressed play. You could have heard a pin drop and they could do nothing but squirm.

One of them tried to grab phone eventually but l stopped her and said 'What's the matter, is it too hard to listen to yourself and what lowly,nasty pieces of work you are ?'

Then l switched it off, told them 'you know what - l dont actually needto work at all, let alone with the likes of you' My DH in fact was always telling me l didnt need to when l was coming home upset as he was on very good money at the time, plus l'd been left substantial amount in a will recently.

I knew saying that would really piss them off as they were much senior to me and seemed to think l had to just take any shit they handed out and be the forelock tugging litlle office lackie whereas in reality l could have bought and sold any one of them financially at that time.

So l gathered my stuff, said a cheery sarcastic 'Ta-Ra' and off l went.

l sent a copy of the tape to HR (big public employer) with regard to their behaviour, even though l knew it couldnt be used against them as unaware being recorded. I also sent one to the Director of Finance to let them know exactly how much work these women were actually doing for that half hour on their very high pay rates (x4 of them obviously) as between them on the tape they had taken one brief phonecall, the rest was standing/sitting round one desk bitching about me.

I went in a week later for my last payslip etc. dressed to the nines, and gave them a lovely PA cheery wave through the window.

I wonder if they've picked their chins up off the floor yet

Hi OP, I just wanted to let you know that I do believe you. I was bullied and often the nastiest / most aggressive bullies were actually pleasant to me if their little entourages weren't there to be impressed.

The woman in question sounds absolutely fucking unhinged. You should certainly prepare a written statement of everything she said, he said, time etc. Discuss it with your union if you need to - if you don't want to talk to your school rep you should be able to find someone else via your branch.

Ultimately I think you do need to report this - and personally I would do so before your make colleague moves on to his next post.

Making comments with this level of blatant sexism, aggression and general nastiness is not acceptable in any context.

I will join the many other posters stating he bleeding obvious - their comments say nothing about you. They reveal plenty about them.

This woman has few friends. She is so insecure that she will display enormous disloyalty about one of the few friends that she does have in exchange for some short term male attention. To use such hateful language about another woman - to me that indicates that she hates herself. The disgust and loathing she pretends to feel for you - that is really the way she feels about herself. She probably has no idea why her life is so hard, why friendship after friendship founders and falls apart. But i suspect that this is part of a pattern. If you did go to her wedding, I'm willing to bet that there will be very few "old" friends there. Just lots of relatives, recent acquisitions, people who were surprised to be invited. The fact that male attention is so so key to her self-esteem doesn't bode well for her marriage either.

Ultimately OP, she is the one with a problem. She is the one who should change. However, she probably won't. Reporting this will result in her weaselling, crying, making every excuse under the sun. IGNORE. You will, however, make it much more difficult for either of them to get away with this kind of crap again.

They picked on you because they thought that they could get away with it. Prove them wrong.

Just wanted to add a good luck for today.

Speak to your union about this. You don't need to talk to the in school rep, you can contact your local branch. They can advise you whether to report this or not. I understand why you might not want to raise this issue at work but, as so many other posters have said, you have done nothing to be ashamed of. If this is affecting your ability to do your job your employer should be aware of it. Bullying among the staff happens more than you think in schools. This won't be the first instance that your HT has dealt with.

Good luck for today, deep breaths, head held high, smile, smile, smile.

Exoticfruits and complexnumber, this does happen in teaching, as in many professions. Posting such comments on a thread like this does no-one any good -I for one fully believe the OP and would rather support her than hunt hairy footed beasts. Bye.

OP, how are you today? Going in to work shows immense strength, I hope you have had a reasonable day and nothing more has happened. You come across as lovely and caring and your refusal to stoop to her level and snipe about her on this thread makes you a better person than I. Have some more hugs (sorry, hard-core MNetters, I think she needs them...).

exoticfruits was agreeing with me that complexnumber was in error. Please read more accurately.

Good grief! I was a teacher-I know that OP is genuine!

We have a few teachers in the family... Oh yes, they pee and poo like the rest of us.

My DH nearly had a nervous breakdown caused by workplace bullying.Our GP said it is very very commonplace- teaching and police being the 2 worst professions for it in his experience (DH is neither)
Please report her she is damaging to the workplace.The next person she does this to might not be as balanced and reasonable as you, and god forbid if she did this to a student!

Grumpla - respect for that. I had to read it twice to get the full enjoyment from it.

I worked in a few places with nasty bullying (mainly) women. Life is too short and there's always someone in the office who you would rather slam your head in a drawer than have to interact with.

The old 'what doesn't kill you makes you,stronger' adage works well here. You are learning how to cope with bullying, backbiting, and very very difficult people. It will make you a better person. Don't let it get to you - easier said than done, I know. One woman I worked with was such a bullying cow I actually found myself wishing her plane crashed when she went on a trip. That was the point that I realised that I was going slowly mad in that place and got a new job.

And I have found that the ringleader tends to be someone that everyone appears to love, but the minute they leave, the truth comes out (hate, fear, disdain...).

Good luck OP, hope you can keep your head high through this.

I've had depression & been on AD's for years, self-esteem issues too.

It must have really hurt to hear her nasty comments but as all others have said, its just because she is a bitch, not about you.

(Fellow overweight glasses wearer) which does not mean <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=martine+mchutcheon+specs&hl=en&biw=1366&bih=643&tbm=isch&tbnid=wG_0wrMWsb43BM:&imgrefurl=akamai.www.nowmagazine.co.uk/gallery/gallery-specials/34560/2/5/towie-stars-ooze-specs-appeal-at-london-charity-event-with-gok-wan/1&docid=jGMYh6DrhC-xIM&itg=1&imgurl=nowmagazine.media.ipcdigital.co.uk/11140%25257C00001ae85%25257C7423_Martine-McCutcheon.jpg&w=300&h=400&ei=0t__T6WSJISm0AXjwYCQBw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=607&vpy=148&dur=1136&hovh=259&hovw=194&tx=93&ty=114&sig=103277790330146166019&page=1&tbnh=118&tbnw=101&start=0&ndsp=26&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:0,i:81" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">unnattractive

I bet she has been pick away at your self esteem for some time.that is why you feel so low. She is very likley doing to a student.so please stand up to her for thier sake if not yours.