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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to stop outdoor shagging because of this?

77 replies

adifferentcountry · 09/07/2012 09:05

Another thread got me thinking about something that happened a while ago.

Way back when, DH and I were into al fresco sex/drunken exhibitionism. Thought we were frightfully edgy and cool at the time doubtless.

Once these two dutch guys came over and asked if I was okay.

DH thinks they were trying to get a look and being voyeuristic.

I think they were doing a good thing, making sure that what was happening was consensual.

As a result, I no longer have much interest in shagging where other people are iyswim. Because I don't want to make people worry, or otherwise disturb them. DH thinks I am old and boring. AIBU?

OP posts:

shockers · 09/07/2012 09:15

YANBU in my opinion. Shagging isn't a spectator sport unless a person is choosing to watch. What if someone was walking past with their children?

Original poster

adifferentcountry · 09/07/2012 09:17

I'd worry if someone was out on Primrose Hill with their kids at 3am but it COULD happen I suppose!

I think it made me think outside myself iyswim.

OP posts:

MittzbethSalanderLovesBouncing · 09/07/2012 09:19

YABU to give up Al fresco Coitus altogether IMO. but maybe find another way of making it edgy?

A sort of I spy of places you've erm, 'shagged'...

Not sure about the Dutch guys

TheRhubarb · 09/07/2012 09:21

Well personally I think you are BU.

If you want to shag outdoors you would surely do it somewhere remote and secluded.
Therefore the chances of you being spotted by someone would be slim as you'd take precautions beforehand to ensure that you were truly alone as it were, right?

If you are shagging somewhere you might reasonably be seen then yes, you should expect to be disturbed, either by voyeurs or otherwise.

So if you fall into the former category then I don't see the problem.
I think it was nice of the Dutch guys to check you were ok but if you are being careful about where you shag, it's going to be very rare that you are seen at all.

AMumInScotland · 09/07/2012 09:22

What an.... unusual... choice of topic for your first post

AutumnSummers · 09/07/2012 09:24

Yanbu. Thoe guys gave you a peek at the other sides your situations could be een from. If they hadn't come up to you then they might still be self flagellating to this day about not trying to help and for no reason at all.

RightUpMyRue · 09/07/2012 09:25

I think the Dutch guys were very brave and, like you say, they did A Good Thing by checking to see if you were OK.

As for still doing it outside perhaps you could make sure anyone passing by or overhearing who might be concerned about you knows for sure you're into it and want it to happen, e.g "Yes please"..."more more" etc.

AutumnSummers · 09/07/2012 09:25

Apologies for spelling, My keys are terminal.

LadyBeagleEyes · 09/07/2012 09:27

How did you know they were Dutch?

TheRhubarb · 09/07/2012 09:28

AMumInScotland may have hit the nail on the head there actually.

lastnerve · 09/07/2012 09:28

"I think they were doing a good thing, making sure that what was happening was consensual."

where you screaming? saying get off me? appear to be unconscious?

if not I probably agree with your DH.

Did they actually come up to you whilst you were doing it? [dies of embarrassment.

Original poster

adifferentcountry · 09/07/2012 09:29

I'm a nc-er obviously! Sweetcorn river, poo pouffe, etc.

Doing it outside just doesn't appeal anymore. Now I have 'imagined' it from the other side - like you say Autumn, what if I'd heard something and not done/said anything and then worried about it for the rest of my life! I would've hated for anyone to feel like that because of me.

DH doesn't get it though. But he also says it wouldn't cross his mind anything dodgy was going on if he stumbled upon something similar.

OP posts:

Original poster

adifferentcountry · 09/07/2012 09:31

They did come up to us! They said 'are you okay?'

We said we were okay (not in so many words), while rearranging ourselves and they apologised for interrupting and said they were Dutch almost as an explanation. I thanked them for their concern.

OP posts:

TheRhubarb · 09/07/2012 09:40

I suppose if you were out at 3am and came across a couple shagging, then yes you might want to just make sure that she wasn't being attacked because believe it or not lastnerve, not all victims scream. Most are too frightened and have been threatened with violence if they make a noise.

So yes, it was very good of them to check.

Understandably though a difficult situation. Not sure if I would check on a shagging couple.

I wouldn't let it put you off though, just be more careful that there is absolutely no-one around in future. Imagine if they had been voyeurs? That would put me off more tbh.

Sorry for thinking you might be new, you just never know with threads like these and name changes.

doggiemumma · 09/07/2012 09:44

LOL the dutch think they are broadminded !!! I just can't be bothered with al fresco, although my DP is into it - i must be old and boring too!

We were put off once, not so long ago, having gone to the woods for a bit of, well, you know! and we felt we were being followed. Needless to say we abandoned the idea. A few months later a sign appeared in the car park from the police saying the area was bieng monitored due to reports of anti-social behaviour!!

EmmaThorn · 09/07/2012 09:51

Have to be honest and say that my days of outdoor sex are long over!! I think its a thing that most people like to try but its not something I'd want to walk into when walking the dog!! Funny how your attitudes change as you get older, when I was in my early 20s outdoor sex seemed like the most wild and amazing thing ever, now I just long for central heating and a comfy bed!

lastnerve · 09/07/2012 09:57

Outdoor sex is like something old hippies do

to be 'liberated its lost its cool edge.

latterlov3r · 09/07/2012 10:01

if you thought shagging in front of others was cool your pretty pathetic tbh why should anyone, adults teens even possibly young children anythings possible have to see you having sex?

doggiemumma · 09/07/2012 10:15

LMAO at the thought of my DP being an ageing hippy He is 48 though so is old enough to know better

Laterlov3r, get over yourself luv

lastnerve · 09/07/2012 10:18

48! that's a few years younger than my parents gasp scream faint still having sex, that's not allowed!:P

squeakytoy · 09/07/2012 10:21

I think I would feel quite ill if I stumbled across a pair of middle aged folk having a shag in the woods...

lastnerve · 09/07/2012 10:23

same squeaky toy, in my world people over 40 don't have sex [grin}

lastnerve · 09/07/2012 10:23

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2012 10:26

With the weather the way it is, I'd assume two naked pigs were writhing in the mud

Morloth · 09/07/2012 10:27

Meh, better a little misunderstanding and embarrassment than ignoring it if they thought something was up.

God, we haven't had sex outside for so long, the other thread got me thinking TBH. I like my bed these days...

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