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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think buying big rewards for school reports is unnecessary?

162 replies

Molehillmountain · 07/07/2012 20:33

Friend of ours has bought year one child a trampoline as a reward for a good end of year report. Didn't occur to me to do anything other than read report with child and say well done. Am I a meanie?

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 08/07/2012 22:34

It's not about how many As or As he gets, but the fact that he worked his socks off with little or no nagging from us.*

I can go with that-it is payment offered in advance for results that I don't like. Reward for hard work-or a celebration afterwards is fine. (didn't mean to shout earlier-just seen it was capitals)

QOD · 08/07/2012 22:47

We bought dd something, can't remember what! Ater she TOOK the Kent test as a reward for all the studying and practice, some of her friends were told "you'll get 'X' if you pass"
I'm on the reward effort not achievement side

TheBuskersDog · 13/07/2012 07:32

Any child in year 1 will get a good report if they are able to behave appropriately in school, if they are not polite etc. that is more a reflection on your parenting than the child itself. They do not need to work hard to get results, just do as they are asked.

wordfactory · 13/07/2012 07:46

No rewards for good reports here. Or for achievemnet in exams, on the sporting filed etc. The reward is the achievement.

However, we do all go out for a slap up meal to celebrate the end of exams, term etc...for the effort put in IYSWIM.

valiumredhead · 13/07/2012 08:25

I just bought ds a small toy from Amazon which cost £4 as a 'good effort' for his report, he worked his socks off for the SATS this term and loads of unnecessary pressure was put on the kids to get high scores. I don't care what grades he got but I know he worked really hard and want to reward that.

TroublesomeEx · 13/07/2012 09:57

Like wordfactory, success is its own reward in our house but we do do something as a family to celebrate.

Kayano · 13/07/2012 09:58

I would buy a little gift for doing well.

I don't see why you would not reward good behaviour and effort?

Pammie70 · 13/07/2012 10:22

Funnily enough I had this chat with DD last night. She has just completed her GCSE's and she was telling me one of her friends is getting £100 for every A* and £50 for every A.

As my DH is out of work at the moment she knows this is not going to happen for her and hasn't even mentioned it before but I have promised her a day out to Camden Market (just the two of us) when I am on holiday in August, which she was over the moon with.

I think extravagent rewards just set them us for disappointment, DS has his GCSE's and he is not a academic as his sister but tries hard and is a good kid - should he come out worse off?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/07/2012 10:32

I bought DS1 some Harry Potter DVD's after his Y4 exams because he had made an effort and worked hard. I deliberately gave them to him before we had the results because I wanted to reward the fact he had made an effort.

Jux · 13/07/2012 11:39

We take dd out to dinner for a good report (usually Pizza Express so nothing too fancy, though that's expensive enough atm). In the past, we have taken her and a friend to the cinema. She's year 8; I can't see us doing much more when she's at GCSE stage though.

When I was at school we were all shocked that a girl got a car for doing well in her A levels. That was at a prep school where most people were from extremely well-to-do families. At the time, we were just expected to do well, or as well as we could; if we did it was a pat on the back, and if we didn't it was a severe telling off.

How times have changed.

KristinaM · 13/07/2012 11:57

I dont reward my children for achievement on principal. They get lots of attention and praise, we are very involved in their education and out of school activities. They are nit doing them for my benefit but for their own, so they will have choices in life, or the pleasure and sense of achievment in doing well at sport or music. Education is a privilege and many children in the Uk and other countries would love to have the oppertunities that my children have.

I want them to unferstand this and not to think they are doing ME a favour by doing well at school or trying their best. I will love them whatever grades they get.

We celebrate with them when they have done well, which is different IMO.

I dont think the work analogy stands up. If my employees do well they get a bonus because I have made a bigger profit and so i share some of that with them. I get no benefit from a gymnastics medal or good report card-its my child who benefits.

Personally i think they shoudl give ME a reward as i spend so much of my time taxiing them from one place to another and making models of vocanoes etc

flowerpot77 · 13/07/2012 13:31

Everyones parenting is different, what you choose to do and not do is entirely your choice - from leaving them alone in the car/ house for a few minutes, giving them Greggs sausage rolls washed down with fruit shoots or sending them to state/private school.

So YABVVU to judge other peoples parenting.

Original poster
Molehillmountain · 13/07/2012 17:53

You're right-and I really carefully worded my op. I genuinely want to decide what I think about this. Upthread I said my patents didn't do rewards for this kind of stuff, and I resented it a bit. My gut says not to. Then a very well respected friend buys a trampoline and it sets me thinking. Threads like this aren't all about judging, some are, but often Aibu is a good place to explore what you want to choose for your own family.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 13/07/2012 18:43

I think it's a situation with no right or wrong, although the you will get x if you achieve certain grades approach doesnt sit right with me.

I think at the end of the school year it is nice to do something to celebrate the hard work done during the year though.

SauvignonBlanche · 13/07/2012 18:48

I got DD a present for her report at SAT results. She wasn't expecting one and Jack Wills vile bloody shop did have a sale on.

Original poster
Molehillmountain · 13/07/2012 18:53

You know, the thread has made me decide that our family needs an end of year celebration of some kind. And lots of treats for no reason at all!

OP posts:
rhondajean · 13/07/2012 19:11

To all those saying no they wouldn't buy something - do none of you get paid for working? And no one especially on performance related pay????

CaliforniaLeaving · 13/07/2012 19:18

Once my kids reached age 11 we rewarded for honor roll all year at school. Here if they keep their grades above a set amount it's called honor roll. So on the final report for the year if it's been kept up all year they pick a treat. One year Ds#2 picked a kitten, and one year he got a trampoline. He has missed a few years by a few points, but that the way it is, no one made a fuss. Older son picked things like dinner out as a family treat, and some extra shoes he fancied.
We'll do the same with Dd when she gets old enough.

GobblersKnob · 13/07/2012 19:23

Humans are so odd about this, so quick to punish for undesirable behaviour and so reluctant to reward for good.

To do the opposite is basic good training and makes it more likely that the desired behaviour is repeated.

perceptionreality · 13/07/2012 19:29

I think YAB a bit U. It's all very well to say 'they should be doing it anyway' but after a hard year's work to get a nice treat as a reward will boost self-esteem and encourage more of the same good behaviour next academic year! If I achieve something I'm proud of I buy myself a treat too even though I'm nearly 32.

However, I do think a trampoline is a bit excessive. My dd had a very good end of year report and also has done very well in everything so I will be buying her a toy of choice but something more moderate than a trampoline!

At school I had friend who got so much money awarded for each GCSE. The higher the grade, the more money they earned. Not sure I would do that tbh.

perceptionreality · 13/07/2012 19:38

'They are not doing them for my benefit but for their own, so they will have choices in life'

True, but how can a primary age child understand that any more than a toddler understands why it's better for them to be toilet trained? So you need to start by encouraging and making a big fuss when they do achieve so that the rest will follow.

KristinaM · 13/07/2012 20:57

I do encourage, i do make a fuss and i do celebrate. What i dont do is pay for achieveing certain grades. My kids getting a good education benefits them, not me. Otherwise what will happen if i cant /wont pay? What if they want to piss me off by failing at school? Its their life not mine and i want them to take responsibility for their own learning. I dont want to be one of these helicopter parenst, phoning up their kids at uni to check they have handed in an assigment or got up for a lecture Hmm

Bedtime1 · 13/07/2012 21:02

A treat is all that's needed, maybe a pizza, some sweets, movie night etc. that type of thing. Some people go over the top but then if they can afford to and want to each to there own

perceptionreality · 13/07/2012 21:28

No, I don't agree with paying for grades either. By GCSE time they should understand the real merits of doing well at school anyway.

Actually I concentrate as much on what kind of person they are as academic results too - that's also important for future success.

perceptionreality · 13/07/2012 21:29

LOL at 'helicopter parents' - do parents really do that?? Mine never did anything of the sort!