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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think buying big rewards for school reports is unnecessary?

162 replies

Molehillmountain · 07/07/2012 20:33

Friend of ours has bought year one child a trampoline as a reward for a good end of year report. Didn't occur to me to do anything other than read report with child and say well done. Am I a meanie?

OP posts:

SecretPlace · 07/07/2012 22:17

I wouldn't tell them about a reward until they'd done it. The should do it because it's the right thing not because they're going to get gifts.

When my brother got his GCSE results I gave him £50 for a A, £20 for a B and £10 for a C. I didn't tell him beforehand this is what I'd do, I wanted him to do it for himself not bribery.

In the end the little bugger had hundreds off me!

blisterpack · 07/07/2012 22:21

Things like a meal out and cake people do anyway don't they? It's unlikely that the children won't be getting them during the holidays anyway! It's not a special "big" treat like a trampoline is.

WhereMyMilk · 07/07/2012 22:28

DD got a David Walliams book-Gangsta Granny-she'd wanted it for ages, and her report was excellent. Her book was for getting excellent in the effort column and for the lovely comments as to manner and kindness to others though, rather than achievement.

difficultpickle · 07/07/2012 22:31

Stealth you're making a rod for your own back. If you get him a helicopter for GCSEs you will be committing yourself to a luxury yacht complete with helipad for his A levels and his own island for good honours degree.

Like I said, it's a slippery slope

skateboarder · 07/07/2012 22:40

This is the first year i have offered something to dc1 for a good report.
Its 3.99 and i owe her £2.50 anyway.
Generous me?

Original poster

Molehillmountain · 07/07/2012 22:40

I was a bit shocked but it's a good friend and I genuinely want to know what the honest majority think.. Glad it appears I'm not too mean. Part of the reason I posted was that my parents didn't do the rewards for grades thing either. I get it now, but at the time I was fed up that the girl across the road got £50 for her gcse results and I got a pat in the back! We give our children treats but unconnected to behaviour.

OP posts:

blisterpack · 07/07/2012 22:44

My mother gave me cash for my O Levels. I got a big wad of cash at 16, as my results were very good. But even at the time I secretly thought she was a fool to do it

pointythings · 07/07/2012 22:46

YANBU and not mean. We take the DDs out for a pub meal and if the reports are good they are allowed dessert.

DD1 has already been rewarded out of her skull by the school - it's one of those that does gift vouchers for 100% attendance and DD has an iron constitution. Because the school is closing (transition to 2-tier) they did vouchers for achievement and effort prizes too this year. She came home on Thursday with £55 worth of WH Smith vouchers and still has her voucher from spring term.

Fortunately she is lovely and is going to buy an artist standard pen set and share it with DD2, whose primary does not do these PITA reward schemes.

The secondary school she is going to awards points for Achievement, Effort and Commitment so at least everyone stands a chance, not just the healthy ones, and these can be traded for gifts and stuff.

blisterpack · 07/07/2012 22:48

Wow, I would like to join your DD's school pointy. Sounds ace .

runnyhabbit · 07/07/2012 22:49

We have bought the ds a Skylander figure each (reception and yr2) They don't know about them yet. They've both had very good reports and myself and dh wanted to reward them.

(hi Stealth )

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 07/07/2012 22:49

Our dd's got great reports, not the academic stuff, that was good. But the personal comments about what nice girls they are, how they always give everything 100% (that's what counts with us - not always results but effort) and what good roles models they are for their peers.

That was so lovely to read and we will treat them, probably just a trip to their favourite ice cream parlour though.

toysoldiers · 08/07/2012 00:04

I find it interesting that everybody has said how they reward behaviour rather than achievement.

And, therefore, achievement should be a reward in itself and happen regardless but effort and character are things which need rewarding.

Discuss.

boschy · 08/07/2012 07:11

Well I'm going to go against the grain. We are going to reward DD1 financially for grades in GCSEs next year (on a scale for A, B or C). She already works very hard but she is a struggling average student... I want her to be able to treat herself next summer on the grounds that she's done the job and she gets paid for it (a bit like going to work, no?!)

StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2012 07:20

Boschy, I do actually have no problem with that. Think my parents did similar - and yes the grades were reward in themselves but this was sort of an addirrional challenge for grades above and beyond what I'd expect

CheeryCherry · 08/07/2012 07:26

A mum at school gives her DCs £10 for every A and £5 for every A gained in end of year exams. It doesn't sit comfortably with me and I cant work out why...my DCs get a 'well done, that's fantastic'.. but not many A's or A's...maybe I am doing it wrong. Feels like bribing them to work hard when they should just crack on and do it..

Whyamihere · 08/07/2012 07:28

We buy dd(who's 7) a small gift if her end of year report is good, she's mildly dyslexic but works really hard keep up, plus isn't this what happens at work with bonuses, and pay rises based on work?

exoticfruits · 08/07/2012 07:29

I wouldn't promise anything beforehand but I would celebrate afterwards - probably just with a nice meal.
I think it bonkers to promise money for grades - by that age they should be wanting to do it for their own future- if they are doing it for money for parents they may as well leave school as soon as they are able and get a job.

picnicbasketcase · 08/07/2012 07:30

I used to get a McDonalds hamburger and fries if i got a good report. We very rarely had fast food as kids and it was a treat.

Chubfuddler · 08/07/2012 07:34

My mum gave us lovely wads of cash for gcse and a level results. I got the most because I got the best results. I didn't work hard for the money, I did it for the grades. The cash was just a brucie bonus.

We bought ds some Lego figures for the end of term and he's in reception. Big shrug if anyone disapproves.

InMySpareTime · 08/07/2012 07:35

I had bought a couple of things that DCs needed anyway, and their brilliant reports stealth boast? Moi? were the perfect excuse to give them a new cycle helmet that actually fits and an LED torch to take on camp so DS stops pestering me for batteries
I didn't tell them about the rewards, and Y5 DS went up from 3a to 5c in two terms, so I feel a couple of pounds on a torch is well worth it (they were both unreasonably pleased with their mundane presents).
But a trampoline? A bit much, although I suppose you can't really get it for Christmas so it might have been an excuse.

Barbeasty · 08/07/2012 07:40

Maybe she wanted to get it anyway, to keep the DC occupied through the summer holidays and has just used a good report to justify the expense to other people because she was worried it would be seen as extravagant to buy it not for a birthday/ Christmas.

bragmatic · 08/07/2012 07:43

I got my kid a pony for learning his times tables. Is that bad?

bonkersLFDT20 · 08/07/2012 07:45

This isn't about reports, but I told my teen that he could have a chocolate bar if he went a whole week without getting any red (naughty) dots. It worked for a week I think. Then he slipped up on a Monday, knew he wouldn't get a choc bar so fooled around the rest of the week. We've stopped doing that now.

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 08/07/2012 07:52

I don't think a reward is a bad thing - at school most of my friends got some kind of reward or incentive, and my parents told me I should be working hard for myself and the grades were there own reward - that's all very well and I'm sure they enjoyed the view from the high moral ground, but I felt rather hard done by when I got better grades and no material reward at all when my friends got things for similar or worse grades.

It didn't make me stop working but it did make me think my parents were big meanies, I don't think it taught me anything else, and we now give our 6 year old a small reward for a good report, and gave her something to work on to achieve a slightly bigger reward for her next report (not a grade target, but her teacher commented that she wriggles and looks out of the window daydreaming some days, and we asked her to try to stop that and said she can choose a toy from a particular range (about ?20 value) if she manges a report without a comment about that next time. :o

Trampoline seems OTT as a reward but as others say she probably wanted to buy it anyway.

SunflowersSmile · 08/07/2012 07:52

I got chocolates after my o level results and was pleased. My younger brother was offered money for each exam according to grade. I whinged a bit. My Mum said 'he needs the encouragement- you didn't'. Mmmm.

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