To think buying big rewards for school reports is unnecessary?

[Molehillmountain]

Friend of ours has bought year one child a trampoline as a reward for a good end of year report. Didn't occur to me to do anything other than read report with child and say well done. Am I a meanie?

We have always rewarded our DCs for working hard. Not over the top, but an extra £10 or so in pocket money for a good report - was £20 this year so they could both buy a new top each they had seen in Top Shop. DD1 has just taken some Gcses early and has worked extremely hard so I have offered to buy her a ticket for a concert her friends are going to but she has decided to give it a miss. Didn't want to feel that I say 'no' all the time!

I agree you shouldn't have children working for a reward, but extrinsic rewards like toys and cash have remarkably little effect on motivation anyway. Studies show their effect is short-lived and fairly small. However, as a teacher I think it's nice if parents reward well-behaved, hard-working children. I always feel quite sorry for those students who always try hard and behave well as they do regrettably get overlooked at times - teachers do know this but when (in secondary) you only have an hour-long lesson at a time it's very difficult to recognise the achievements of those who always do pretty well, never rock the boat, aren't top of the class but do everything they're supposed to... So if they are getting the odd fiver or McDonald's as a treat for "keeping on keeping on" then that's great!

I got nothing. By the time I got to A-level I felt there was no point because my parents didn't care. At best, I got "what did everyone else get, what position are you in the class". Btw I was v academic and got good results because I worked hard. When I gained a professional qualification that has enabled me to do my job my parents bought me a mug.

My DD's will certainly be getting treats! (not huge ones, more like tokens to say I have noticed their achievements)

DD's??????? Oh dear. Grammatical fail!

I think my personal experiences of achievement come into all this. I know I got good grades and personal reports through very little effort and I just don't see how you can really tell who's making the effort and those to whom it comes with ease. I tend to do the "how exciting to be able to do that now" line with my children as by the time it came to exams, even music ones, I was a bit of a grade chaser. In an ideal world i want my children to get pleasure from the activity itself not the recognition from others. We give them all sorts or treats but not attendant on any achievement or behaviour. My parents still attach great significance to levels and numbers - I cringe when they talk to dd about school. But I guess since they didn't reward me tangibly for stuff, my argument against rewards like that might not hold water. I don't intend to be precious about it all-reserve the right to be dishing out trampolines and ponies next year

Have got my 2 eldest reports and they worked hard, smashed their targets and have had great reports so they are getting a Blackberry each. I depends on circumstances of course and if achieve something then I at least get a card or a box of chocs for them so they will not be expecting BBs every time!!

YANBU. It would never have occurred to me to do so. Anyway, these days reports are more descriptive rather than good or bad.

As a point they do not expect a treat or ask for anything it is purely down to me and DH

Ds had a treat for his report, he asked to go swimming.

Actually, just reread that they are in Y1 which makes it worse, because it is setting up an expectation which may not be fulfilled as school becomes more demanding. (Cecily's first school report in Y3 was positively glowing; it was downhill all the way after that) It would be far better to just buy the trampoline as something that is nice to have for the holidays without tying it in to the report.

It has never occurred to me to buy something for good reports. I think I took DD to Yo Sushi for doing well in her SATS last year. One of her friends got an iPod Touch which I admit I thought was a bit OTT. The trouble is you set yourself up for paying out for more extravant gifts if your chil(ren) continue to do well. And what happens if they have a bad year? Their failure will be compounded by the lack of gift.

Yr 1 at primary ? Then agree that just getting a trampoline would have been better what could a year 1 report have to say ??

DD got to choose a couple of books from amazon for a really good report, cost me about £9.

I got £50 an A* for my GCSEs. Can't say its done me any long term damage. I spent some of it on clothes at the time and saved the rest!

DS has had a superb report this year. He has Aspergers and has really struggled with the social aspect of school. His report focused on the way he had worked hard to overcome his anxieties and how well he had done.
DH has given him £2 for his money box - DS is saving for some Lego - but he wasn't told he would get it and I don't think we will go down the up front 'we will give you x if you do y' thing but I see no problem with a reward, a small reward that a child isn't expecting.

Surely reward the effort not the academic grades? Mine are high achievers. They know how proud we are and we have a family treat after reports eg a meal out or a day out.

DH and I are taking ds on a cheap city break soon as his post GCSE treat ( did the same for dd 3yrs ago). Slightly selfish as it means WE get to spend time ŵith our son 1:1 before he wants to rush off and holiday with is mates lol.

It is very specifically done now before results day. It's not dependent on results. Enough hangs on the already and he is able to drive himself to study without a carrot. It's a orthy reward for 2yrs hard study and Im glad we can o it for him.

Louwn. £50 per A*........ Cripes! That'd cripple me.

She was probably getting it anyway. When is her dc's birthday? My son is in the end of October and trampolines and bikes at that time of year are pretty useless.

I think GCSEs are different. We are talking school reports. My two work hard and have had good reports so I don't reward, I tell them they have done really well and how proud I am.

If they were struggling a lot and had made massive progress against the odds I may rethink.

What does it matter?
Some people treat their children, some don't. Perhaps the trampoline will make the summer holidays an easier time for the parents, reward all round then.
For all those that think learning and education should be its own reward, that's fine at Uni and PhD level when you only study what you love. For those still forced to trudge through subjects they'd rather not have to think about, a reward can be a motivator, or a recognition of the fact that they put serious effort into something they didn't enjoy because they had to.

Neverput my DS is exactly the same, ASD, dyslexia, dyspraxic he has worked his little socks off this year, he has revised for every test (he's only 9) and even managed to get an average of about 75% for spelling tests. He's really, really worked at trying to integrate with other children in the class and now has a group of friends who look out for him, unheard of 18 months ago. We had a meeting on Thursday night and his teacher and assistant were so pleased with him and the progress he had made.

I was very proud of him, and also of DS2, who has done very well academically, after the meeting I told them both that I'd like to buy them a gift as a reward for their hard work throughout the year and the effort they've put in. DS1 has asked for a book and DS2 has asked for a month's membership to Club Penguin. Hardly bank breakers, but I do feel hard work does deserve some reward.

My DS has worked really hard this year and his report was good. We offered him the choice between a small Lego set or a book. He chose the Lego. He didn't know about it beforehand and I was in two minds, but DH decided we should. We didn't do it last year and he won't be lead to think we will always do it.

I will treat dd I don't see anything wrong in that much like I wouldn't think it wrong if others chose not to.
Dd will most likely get something that she can play on or with in the garden during the summer holidays. It will coincide with her report but I'd have bought it anyway .She hasn't asked and doesn't expect even if she has had something for every report she's had so far, it's a year in between she has most likely forgotten anyway.

I don't give my kids anything even for GCSEs etc. I don't want them to come away with the idea they are doing it for anyone but themselves.
I guess they were going to buy their kid a trampoline nyway and just tied it in with the report.

we do/did treat them when they got reports not with huge gestures Im not sure how the mum will top a trampoline she really is setting herself up for the next 12 years isnt she, I do know a teen who got an ipad for a good school report this year I wouldnt do it but i am not her parents so it really is up to them