To think if people are having a pay bar they should say so on invite?

[GlassofRose]

I'm going to a wedding next week and my partner is the best man. The couple have been a bit funny with partner this year being very pedantic over what he can and can't write in his speech to the point he told them to write it for them. He's also been in trouble with the bride for getting the groom drunk on his stag night (a whole month before the wedding). They also originally didn't invite me, then invited me to evening only (I'll be travelling up there the night before with my partner so would have been twiddling thumbs in hotel till evening) until my partner asked for me to be invited properly.

I asked my partner to ask if it was a pay bar or free bar as I just had an inkling these two are having a wedding they can't really afford although there was no mention of it on the invite. The reply he got from groom was "Of course it's a pay bar we're paying for the wedding...

Either way, Do you think if guests are expected to be paying for their own drink it should be mentioned on the invite?

whospickle

They do put up prices because they have a captive audience. My friend works weddings at a local wedding venue and she said that pay bars are unusual but even if they do free bar the place charges like a 50% mark up.

your dad sounds like a rubbish friend then, I can't imagine leaving a party just because its not the same as MY parties! how boring it must be to only stay at parties that are all the same!

Thankyou , OP!

I also get the impression from the way your DP was recruited to be Best Man that this couple regard their wedding as a Hollywood production and needed a supporting actor. Perhaps they thought he looked the part!

An acquaintance of mine, who'd pretty much dropped all her friends when she found Mr Right, turning down a charity quiz night on the grounds that "I don't need to go to that sort of thing now I"ve got John", suddenly realised something was missing from her wedding. "Oh yes, we need guests!" We all got invitations 6 months in advance as if we were meant to arrange our holidays around the event. Difficult to have a prior engagement but I came up with one because at this point I was beginning to feel like an extra with a walk on part and was annoyed with the way she'd treated people who'd been the mainstay of her social life when she was single.

But at least you and DP are on the same page over this.

Rubbish friend aye? Charming aren't ya Frou frou.

My dad would give anything to anyone, he'd help anyone out and wouldn't leave anyone to go wanting for anything.

My dad has taken that particular friend abroad on holiday, he's been to all the family parties and occasions and never had to put his hand in his pocket. I don't think being insulted by the fact he couldn't so much as extend the favour in the form one one free drink makes my dad a rubbish friend.

If they are only giving one single drink with a toast that's not a lot, I normally get tiddly for free and in most weddings the wine on the table lasts into the night? So I would normally start to buy drinks say 8/9 ish?

Are you not having wine with dinner or a glass on arrival?

I would take my own supply in that case.

What type of wedding would you normally go to if it was a cockney type affair?

okay, he might be a fine friend to people who do things exactly the same way as him!

kinda boring though no? variety is the spice of life! Isn't it exciting to go to things that are a bit different to what you're used to? obviously not!

Thymeout

Perhaps that's it haha He does look rather swarve in a suit.

Think the guest situation your friend had maybe similar to this. My DP is regretting his choice now but it's a bit late for that. I keep telling him, they were good friends once and to ignore the nonsense. One day and it's all done.

If I serve lamb do people who return the invite have to serve lamb back? sounds DULL!

Frou -

My dad doesn't suffer fools gladly. Variety might be the spice of life but who wants to be friends with a freeloader? The bloke weren't poor you know, he works in hatton fucking garden.

Not giving your guests a drink when they've bothered to spend money and turn up for your day is an insult

Rubbish. I don't expect the bride to pay for my drinks if she invites me on a hen night. I don't expect the B and G to finance everyone getting pissed by bankrupting themselves on principle.

I have been to 24 pay bar weddings. Toasts and wine with dinner were provided, then we all bought our own drinks. Nobody felt insulted in the slightest!

If you invite people and serve them lamb, you'd at least expect them to serve you a meal. Like for like.

It's all very well saying variety is the spice of life but it's not particularly entertaining to have to fork out hotel prices for indifferent wine.

I'm no freeholder and no matter how much money I had, "free booze for all" would never be a priority for me!

So what if I went to a party where the host thought that the making of a party was him paying the bar bill, does that mean I could never return the invite just cause I don't think that makes a party?

I mean nobody will say, "Ooh. Overpriced wine. Yippee. Makes a nice change."

Rubbish to you, not to me... different worlds obviously. I wont pretend I feel otherwise.

The people who say free bars have nothing to do with not being able to afford the wedding you want puzzle me to be honest. If you can afford it why wouldn't you? If your scared they will abuse it then they aren't the people you should want to spend the day with surely?

Anyway, sounds like it's a good idea to assume paying bar. I wasn't sure what to expect at the wedding I went to recently and it was paying. So I didn't drink. Apart from the wine for the toast.

it wasn't a budget thing for me, I'ld never do a free bar, to me being a good host is about the things I listed earlier, I'ld pay for everyone's taxis or accomodation before I'ld pay for unlimited alcohol, because if anyone can't enjoy themselves without more than the 5/6 drinks I provided then thats their individual problem

vvvu... nice bit of hyperbole. Why is it unreasonable to want to know if it is a paybar or not. I never asked them to make it a free bar for dog sake.

So frou if you had all the money in the world you'd still make your friends pay for their drinks? You seem to think free bars mean people would take the piss... maybe you know a few "rubbish" friends then.

and actually, I prob spent more than the cost of a free bar on a bridesmaids plane ticket, all my bridesmaids accomodation, plus accomodation for the peopel who had travelled from abroad or who I new would be very out of pocket because of attending etc

They didn't like being asked. People are touchy on this subject. On MN and in real life. Although it's now the norm in many circles, it's not a universal custom so people feel it has to be explained and, to a certain extent, justified.

Well I think if your touchy about being asked it means because your embarassed...

"You seem to think free bars mean people would take the piss... maybe you know a few "rubbish" friends then."

its the opposite actually, I don't really know many people who cant enjoy themselves without more than 6 drinks! A free bar would be unneccesary unlike accomodation and transport which everyone needs to attend and have a good time. It just wouldn't occur to me to pay for unlimited drinks, it would occur to me to pay people's travel and accomodation etc

If I had a bigger budget I might have taken everyone for brunch the next day or something..

Or hired a whole hotel for the weekend so everyone could stay for free

these are all things the people I know would appreciate, I wouldn't really invite people who would "take the piss" as you put it in the first place