To think if people are having a pay bar they should say so on invite?

[GlassofRose]

I'm going to a wedding next week and my partner is the best man. The couple have been a bit funny with partner this year being very pedantic over what he can and can't write in his speech to the point he told them to write it for them. He's also been in trouble with the bride for getting the groom drunk on his stag night (a whole month before the wedding). They also originally didn't invite me, then invited me to evening only (I'll be travelling up there the night before with my partner so would have been twiddling thumbs in hotel till evening) until my partner asked for me to be invited properly.

I asked my partner to ask if it was a pay bar or free bar as I just had an inkling these two are having a wedding they can't really afford although there was no mention of it on the invite. The reply he got from groom was "Of course it's a pay bar we're paying for the wedding...

Either way, Do you think if guests are expected to be paying for their own drink it should be mentioned on the invite?

whos - Is that toga's and an orgy - sounds fab!?

We went away, just the 2 of us to an all inc AMAZING place and married with views of the ocean, dinner on the beach and total relaxation. The part was totally cheesy - fancy dress, karaoke and cocktails. It was such fun.

that would be good. I could put tesco value wine into roman drinking vessels?

Another idea I've had is a 101 dalmations wedding where I come as cruella and everyone else in a dog suit.

Genuine question, not a point to argue over - all those who expect a free bar - if someone hosts a party at home do you not bring a bottle? Because I always would.

VolauVent.

Lots I've seen have had a fairly varied bar on offer. Not just beer/wine.

Definitely not cheap but yes obviously buying in bulk would be cheaper than buying at an offy or supermarket.

The loveliest weddings I have been to have been on a small budget. One was in a youth hostel where we all brought a dish and some booze and went hillwalking the day before. Another, the bride and groom made the food, with some help, and had bottles of wine on the table for everyone ( paid bar later but there was soooo much free wine) another where everyone made a cake and brought it along for coffee and cake before the wedding buffet later.

I lived in a choice area of town and my flat overlooked a social club. I've seen a lot of wedding fights, bride involved too. I'd peep through the curtains, was mental.

And I've seem a fancy dress party fight in there too.

I should have shouted out to ask if there had been a free bar

Sounds perfect do!

Yabvu

I've never heard of telling guests they'd have to pay for their own drinks. Any weddings I've been to haven't included free booze so I'd just assume I'd have to pay.

Ha! I'm not surprised you weren't first in the guest list.

YABU

Domedom your wedding sounds lovely, think I'd go off somewhere by choice tbh. Couldn't be doing with all the faff!

Re parties at home, I'd take a bottle unless otherwise indicated. I have been to one where I was told not to as it would be provided, but generally I'd assume I should take what I'm drinking if its spirits deffo.

Usually IME host gets in the soft drinks/mixers.

I really like the roman one (the cruella smacks of dom fantasy to em )

You could have one of those lovely dresses - Grecian goddess style (I know Roman but it'd be very fitting and look gorgeous) Every one else in a toga (no expense as they can use bed sheet) and the cheapo wine in jugs. Platters of cheese and grapes so cheapo food. Get someone to dress like Pan and play a lyre - although Pan was greek too I vote ancient Greek wedding.

Whenyousee, I do take a bottle but it is a gift for the hosts not a donation to the party. I would make it a nice one. If the invitation says Bring A Bottle then yes, that would be put in the party stash.

Thanks amber it was great - highly recommended.

I would take booze to a party - it's not the same thing IMO. If I could take my own booze to a wedding that'd be better than paying for drinks in the GRAND hotel like we were expected to once. That and the hotel, outfit, gift, nearly crippled me financially for the month. It was my closest friend though so I felt obliged. Worst bit was groom had declared himself bankrupt and they were having this massive wedding, best of everything but utterly selfish.

The best weddings I have been to have been everyone pitching in bringing a dish and a bottle of wine. None of this hideous bankrupting yourself to provide a lavish meal and free drinks at hotel bar prices all night. What a way to start married life!!

I think you have it. Expectation, And it seems that people either tend to go to all free or all pay bar weddings, therefore your guests should be used to paying I would think.

I don't expect a free bar, but appreciate knowing in advance if it isn't the case. I take something for the hosts of a dinner, sometimes a bottle, sometimes flowers or chocolates.

I still don't get - and don't think I've missed an explanation - why it's a bit off to tell people they will need to pay for their own drinks, but still expect them to do so.

Stuffit don't worry I'm sure your wedding will be lovely, hope you have a great stressfree day

Because for some of us we would never think we weren't? So it's stating the obvious for us.

It's a revelation for both sides, I would never have thought a guest might be so used to a free bar that I'd need to mention it.

StuffIt - as you've made it about you , why wouldn't you include in the general blurb that most people send out with a map of the venue, accommodation details etc etc, a single sentence saying that after the meal there will be a cash bar?

"why it's a bit off to tell people they will need to pay for their own drinks, but still expect them to do so."

I think it's more that most weddings with a pay bar (or at least the ones I've been to) provide enough drinks that nobody is going to go thirsty, the expectation is not that people have to buy their own drinks, but you want more than a couple of glasses of Pimms, half a bottle of wine, two glasses of Champagne and tea/coffee they'll have to pay themselves.

That's what I think too Tyler.

Stuffit, your wedding sounds like it will be lovely and as you say most of your friends and family will not be expecting a free bar.

Familiessharegerms suggestion is a good one.

I hate to break this to you, but it's very hard to please everyone at a wedding and most people I know have had stresse over guest lists or seating plans etc. if I was you I'd just be saying StuffIt, it's my wedding I'll do it my way .