To think if people are having a pay bar they should say so on invite?

[GlassofRose]

I'm going to a wedding next week and my partner is the best man. The couple have been a bit funny with partner this year being very pedantic over what he can and can't write in his speech to the point he told them to write it for them. He's also been in trouble with the bride for getting the groom drunk on his stag night (a whole month before the wedding). They also originally didn't invite me, then invited me to evening only (I'll be travelling up there the night before with my partner so would have been twiddling thumbs in hotel till evening) until my partner asked for me to be invited properly.

I asked my partner to ask if it was a pay bar or free bar as I just had an inkling these two are having a wedding they can't really afford although there was no mention of it on the invite. The reply he got from groom was "Of course it's a pay bar we're paying for the wedding...

Either way, Do you think if guests are expected to be paying for their own drink it should be mentioned on the invite?

Everyone has a different opinion on weddings. Someone could equally moan that there was too much emphasis on booze and not enough on the food/decor/blah blah.

I suppose where I stand is that it's not our day, and unless the bride & groom are being total cocks then it annoys me when people pick holes in their wedding.

I'm not they type of person who would have a showy wedding either but if someone else wants to, up to them. If they want to boast about it yes that's annoying.

Whosepickle. Generally you get 1 bottle per person on the table sometimes 1 between 2! Then fizzy for toasts at a wedding with a pay bar.

Several people have mentioned that sort of set up on the thread.

That's why I said 1 bottle.

I've never been to one with a free bar all night but most have a fair few bottles of wine on the table, also been to one where you only got one glass too though.

A bottle per guest? Our reception organisers told us two 125ml glasses per guest, which we did and still had wine left over.

Where are all these weddings with free bars. I have only heard of a couple friends have been to up here in Glasgow. It's generally considered to be a show offy, more money than sense, "I am considerably richer than yaou" thing to do, particularly if you're not invited

The majority of weddings ive been to have been with a pay bar. i expect that and usually stop on route for cash as i dont normally have more than 37p in my purse!
The last wedding i went to was free bar and it was a lovely and much appreciated gesture. Given dh and i spent £600 on travel, outfits, gifts & accommodation.

Okay, I have read this whole thread through.

GlassofRose YANBU

I actually dont really like weddings mainly because I dislike the whole pretence. And in response to a poster up stream, yes, you should keep to your world.

• Wear your best clothes or buy something new that you could use again, what's all this hiring a morning suit crap, might as well turn up in fancy dress (might be more fun!)
• Hire cars if you need extra transport but not so that you can create the illusion (or lie) that you own a classic car and have a chauffeur
• Hire the local castle if it is within your budget and will provide a nice venue for your guests not because it makes a good backdrop for you photos
• Invite the people you want to be there not to achieve a number of guests or because they invited you.
• If you invite people then you are responsible for their comfort. Spending thousands on venue, dress, photos and flowers are for your benefit. They do not excuse you from your obligations as host.

And in case you have any doubt:

• staging your wedding miles from anywhere including where you live is inconsiderate
• expecting a wedding gift as a kind of ticket price is rude
• having a two tier guest list (day and evening) where the evening is basically a crap buffet, a dreadful disco and a pay bar is insulting to your guests. Why not just write to them and tell them that you dont really like them?

All clear?

Trixymalixy - I made that point earlier. Some folk would think you were showing off if you had a free bar at a hotel/ bar type venue, that you had to go one better than everyone else to show you had more money.

Where are all these weddings with free bars

According to this thread;

Jewish weddings
East end, South East London working class weddings
African weddings
Indian weddings
really rich peoples weddings

Widen your circle of friends

Hopeforthebest. - many people get totally pissed at weddings. probably more so years ago and many used to end up in big fights even with the kids there. One do, the bride ended up behind bars. They really don't need a free bar to make things worse.

I'd like to go to an east end wedding.

We must be more frugal in wales.

Stuff, that would be fine by me too.

Sounds plenty.

I haven't read all the thread but wholeheartedly agree with Gnome.

We went away to be married and on return wanted a celebration BUT couldn't afford a free bar all night. We put drinks behind the bar (about enough for 4 per person) plus there were cocktails on arrival. I put all that on the invite including 'cash bar'. Was the best we could afford (got venue for free, cheap cake, simple but huge and tasty buffet) and people knew the score up front.

I'd like to go to a fancy dress wedding.

Dp has been muttering about a roman wedding. I have resisted, strongly.

Domedon I might do that and just have a party. Sounds good, I hate all the palaver in the day.

Roman wedding sounds awesome.

You could have gladiators fighting bears as entertainment.

I dont think you have to have a free bar to be a good host but for the duration of the event I think a good host is responsible for providing a suitable range of refreshments for their guests. What guests do once the event is over is up to them.

Depending on the time of day of the wedding and the guest list (eg lots of children) it might be perfectly acceptable to provide tea, coffee and soft drinks and nothing stronger. If this is what you want then do it but dont expect your guests to buy their cups of tea!

If its a case if having fewer family and friends and paying for all food and drink for them all night or inviting more family and friends and paying for their meal, I'm pretty sure that most would prefer the latter given a lot of the threads I have read on here.

On reflection maybe not bears.

AmberLeaf if you buy in bulk then yes there will be discounts, but there won't be nearly as much variety on offer as with a bar.