To think if people are having a pay bar they should say so on invite?

[GlassofRose]

I'm going to a wedding next week and my partner is the best man. The couple have been a bit funny with partner this year being very pedantic over what he can and can't write in his speech to the point he told them to write it for them. He's also been in trouble with the bride for getting the groom drunk on his stag night (a whole month before the wedding). They also originally didn't invite me, then invited me to evening only (I'll be travelling up there the night before with my partner so would have been twiddling thumbs in hotel till evening) until my partner asked for me to be invited properly.

I asked my partner to ask if it was a pay bar or free bar as I just had an inkling these two are having a wedding they can't really afford although there was no mention of it on the invite. The reply he got from groom was "Of course it's a pay bar we're paying for the wedding...

Either way, Do you think if guests are expected to be paying for their own drink it should be mentioned on the invite?

sorry that was 750 pounds, not dollars

i also think it's out of order if the bar is extortionate - our hotel had special 'wedding rates' for drinks that were LESS than they usually charge.

they knew they would make plenty of cash because of the volumes i guess

But although I've said the above, it's a bit sad that guests do need to assume they will be paying for their drinks as guests. The meaning of the word guest seems to have been lost in the wedding industry...

This is why I wont be having a wedding. :o

Eloping is The.Only.Way :o

I didn't mention getting bladdered I don't intend to. It seems to be that people think free bars mean that people will take the piss. I wouldn't invite anybody who I would think would abuse my generosity because those aren't the kind of people I'd want to celebrate with but hey ho...

These were my sentiments too, OP. And resultantly, no one abused our hospitality. Enjoy the wedding.

"I do have some very strong opinions on weddings. Mostly stemming from the way my family and friends have treated marriage as by repetitively divorcing."

Of course you're not projecting. No way.

We did however choose a cheapish , local venue (though perfectly lovely) rather than a farther away, more expensive one as many of our guests wouldn't have been comfortable in a really posh venue and would have winced at the drinks prices etc. So we actually did make our choice on what would suitor guests more rather than what would be our first choice.

Where I come from people drink a lot, weddings go on till the early hours and many people would take the piss at a free bar. We paid for a lot of the drinks but not all.

perfumedlife don't you mean guests will be paying for some of their drinks?

I think the response you received to your question was rather churlishly worded. It suggests that the bride and groom rather resent paying for their own wedding.

However, YABU in assuming that pay bars are unusual. I've been to very, very few weddings where there hasn't been one (from big to small and none of which were ludicrous, unaffordable events) and they have all been most hospitable weddings in every other way. It sounds to me as if you dislike everything about this particular wedding and are happy to find yet another example of how unsatisfactory you find it.

Unless it's Purim.

Well some, all, the point is the guests are treated as guests in the old sense for only part of the day.

You muscled in on a wedding you werent invited to and once you'd done so asked if they'd be paying for your drinks??

Glass,

I really think you shouldn't go to this wedding. You do not approve of marriage, you do not approve of the way they are planning their wedding (pay bar etc). I would have hated someone like you to come to my wedding TBH, who looked down their nose at at and had such negativity towards the event and us.

I was wondering if having a free bar is regional, from my very limited expereince the only 2 weddings I have attended with a free bar have both been hosted by couples from London (1 couple East End London pub, the other banker background hosted in a stately home - financially worlds apart but both excellent).

All other weddings I have attended, midlands and up north a pay bar was the norm. Also my family have been in the pub trade for over 30 years and have never had a wedding with a free bar. Toast wine and glass of champers on arrival yes but never a free bar.

Going back to Glass though, if within your circle of friends and family it has always been the norm to have a free bar then it is not unreasonable to presume it may be one (not sure I would of asked myself but to have a pay bar is the norm for me so would just expect to take along cash)

However the bride does sound like a bridezilla
1 - not inviting you to the all day wedding as a long term partner - 6 years is slightly different to having met within the last 6 months

2 - DP paying for his own suit - out of order imo

3 - Not sure what the bride was expecting on a stag do - again It has always been my expectation that the stag gets hammered whether they like it or not and to wake up the next day still with 2 eyebrows they have done exceedingly well and the bestman has done a fabulous job.

However all said that is just my opinion - I think you should just go to the wedding and support DP, it sounds like he will need it, maybe by the time the day arrives the bride will have realised she may have been a touch bridzillaish and apologies for the bombarding texts etc.

We brits almost never have a free bar the most you get is the person who do it is might put a monkey behind the bar if your lucky

I would not go to any party expecting there to be food or free drink

I did have a free bar at my wedding but thats only because fil got plastred and declared the drinks were on him

Just elope people, elope.

There's no way you'll please all your guests.

And why was it necessary to ask?
Surely you'd just have enough cash on you should be a pay bar, if it was free then no harm done, money stays in your purse! Did neither of you feel embarassed asking that question?

YABU.

If you don't know either way, you assume you are paying. Aperatif, free drinks with the dinner, mineral water, champagne, and perhaps even first drink at the bar after that, are quite generous enough without a limitless tab open for the rest of the day/evening.

Much too forward to ask whether they were paying for unlimited drinks for everyone. It's presumptious and puts them in the awkward position of having to say no.

Stocking up on alcohol from a wholesalers? I guess that's the cheap and cheerful approach. But if people are hoping for the usual variety and choice they might find at a good bar then that's going to cost more and it's fair enough that people pay their own way.

'AIBU ?'

Over whelming 'Yes - YABU'

'flounce'

Love these threads

I would have expected for drinks (and food) to be free at the main reception, but the evening do, not unusual for a pay bar. Sometimes I believe the hosts might put aside a set amount and then people buy their own after that's gone, or maybe just one drink per guest (not sure how that's policed though).

I think them not inviting you to the whole event in the first place as an established couple and partner of the best man is WAY out of order however.

Stocking up on alcohol from a wholesalers? I guess that's the cheap and cheerful approach

Where do you think bars/hotels etc get their supplies?!

How on earth could providing drinks for aprx 150 guests been seen as 'cheap and cheerful'

I don't think you are in the least unreasonable and am going to go against the grain.

I think a wedding is a formal occasion to which you invite your friends and family. If you send an invitation you are the host and as the host of a grown up and formal occasion the bride and groom and/or their parents should host it and should pay for the meal and the drinks and everything else that goes with it. If you cannot afford to pay for an evening party then don't have an evening party.

Far better in my occasion to set a budget and cut your cloth. If you have a small budget have a small wedding or an economical wedding with a modest hall and a home-made buffet and bring in your own drinks. If you can't afford a function room and all the trimmings don't have them and skimp on your guests.

Personally I think the whole idea of guests for the wedding and the reception and then a layer of guests who weren't important enough to share the main event is extremely crass.

Far better a simple wedding in a simple dress with flowers from the garden and the local church hall booked, nicely decorated with a simple buffet and barrels of beer and reasonable wine than a fancy schmancy affair for a hundred or so on credit. The important bit is the getting married - the next bit is making friends and family welcome What is the point of favours and ballons and a dress that costs more than a grand when you don't have the good grace to stand a round or two for your closest mates.

FWIW I have only been to one wedding with a pay bar - I don't know many people who would "invite" their friends to a formal party and then expect them to pay their own way.

I disagree completely. I think it's awful to suggest someone ought not to get married or have a party if they can't afford to pay for all the drinks.

Well tbf married , not many of us live in your world.

Thank god I never got married It sounds like a bloody nightmare.