To think if people are having a pay bar they should say so on invite?

[GlassofRose]

I'm going to a wedding next week and my partner is the best man. The couple have been a bit funny with partner this year being very pedantic over what he can and can't write in his speech to the point he told them to write it for them. He's also been in trouble with the bride for getting the groom drunk on his stag night (a whole month before the wedding). They also originally didn't invite me, then invited me to evening only (I'll be travelling up there the night before with my partner so would have been twiddling thumbs in hotel till evening) until my partner asked for me to be invited properly.

I asked my partner to ask if it was a pay bar or free bar as I just had an inkling these two are having a wedding they can't really afford although there was no mention of it on the invite. The reply he got from groom was "Of course it's a pay bar we're paying for the wedding...

Either way, Do you think if guests are expected to be paying for their own drink it should be mentioned on the invite?

why would you go to anything like this without any cards or cash?
noone would surely?

(I don't think I've every been to a wedding WITHOUT a cash bar, reception and toast drinks are always provided but I've never been to an all you can drink wedding! )

If the venue has no card facilities then THAT should be mentioned sure, but why would you want people to put "cash bar" on their invites ??

Cherie frou frou

I'd like them to put cash bar on their invites so that I know I have to pay for my drinks... so I can budget for it.

I mean my invites didn't say "no string cortet, no horse and carraige, no releasing of doves and no free bar"

why would you not always budget for it, then if there is a free bar it's a bonus, and Y'know just cause there's a cash bar doesn't mean you HAVE to spend a fortune getting bladdered! after the reception drinks and toast drinks how many more do you need to buy really?

YABU.

I've been to loads of weddings. About five a year for the last 6 years or so.

Only two have had free bars all day/night. Another three or four have had subsidised bars - so everything was £1 or £2. Then all the rest have been welcome bubbles/Pimms, wine on table and bubbles for toast. I thought that was the most normal thing to do.

I rarely carry cash (bit like the Queen), but always make sure I have some when we go to weddings as they're invariably in random locations and often don't take cards at the bar.

String cortet and Horse wouldn't effect the guests financially... it's not the same

Yes, that's the point I was making different people have different norms.

I think pay bars is a funny thing to disagree with. Many people planning weddings wouldn't even know that other people see free bars as the 'norm'.

Agree I would always ensure I had some spending money and a card with me.

Drinks don't cost that much surely that you need to know months in advance? It's not going to cost hundreds of pounds?

Taking drinks money should not have a huge financial impact surely?

And likewise people used to free bars are clearly 'oh, a pay bar, how unusual'.

I didn't mention getting bladdered I don't intend to. It seems to be that people think free bars mean that people will take the piss. I wouldn't invite anybody who I would think would abuse my generosity because those aren't the kind of people I'd want to celebrate with but hey ho...

As I've mentioned previously on the thread I'm set to incur about £400 without paying for a drink if I wish to have one (y'know what with it meant to be a joyous celebration) so when I'm going to be paying that amount of money it's nice to know if I'm going to need to spend more. Not everyones got bottomless pits for pockets.

"didn't mention getting bladdered I don't intend to"

then how is it going to have a big financial impact? especially since you'll still have half a days worth of drinks under your belt before you have to reach in your pockets! what are we talking here £30 max?

A couple of drinks does not equate to bottomless pockets! Bit melodramatic???

In Europe I think it's assumed it's a free bar but I have never experienced this in the UK apart from one vair posh do I went to once.

"I don't agree with pay bars"

And therein is your issue. It's got nothing to do with budgeting, you just don't like how they've chosen to execute their wedding.

Only melodramatic if you've got the money to burn.

Previously mentioned on this thread my partner lost his job a few weeks ago. With enough to clear July's bills but the £400 incurred for this wedding is going to leave the mouse with a begging bowl.

"without paying for a drink if I wish to have one "

every cash bar wedding I've been to (which is every wedding I've been to) has included at least one but often several glasses of champagne or pimms at the reception, bottles of wine at dinner, and a toast drink too

you only pay for EXTRA drinks if you wanna get merry/drunk (as after all the free drinks you're well on your way!)

I haven't been to a wedding in years but I do remember that the ones (not many)i went to that had a pay bar caused a lot of gribbling and muttering- mostly because they tended to be the lavish ones where guests had paid a fortune to attend- rinky dink castle affairs, doves and chocolate fountains etc etc. The rest were more of your knees-up-in-community-centre variety and had a free bar (or "I'm putting x amount on the tab and when it's gone, it's gone")

OP, your dp's 'friends' sound like utter bride'n'groomzillas. Whatever the pay/no pay bar ethics are here, they're acting like twats. Grit your teeth and smiiiiile, both of you, and tell yourselves you're bound to get some Arsehole Stories out of it for posterity

I though your problem was not advance warning? If you have a problem with them not paying for your drinks don't go then!

Or don't drink.

Some places are pretty expensive to buy drinks. I went to one in a hotel where gin and tonic was £6, cheapest bottle of wine was £25, that sort of thing. Pretty easy to notch up over £100 drinks bill, especially if you buy a few drinks for others. in this case they took cards, but i wouldn't normally have £100 with me just in case. I was glad that the invite info for the one in a marquee attached to a village hall that had similar prices but no card machine had told me in advance I would need cash.

Personally, I don't care if there's a pay bar or not as long as the bride and groom have the wedding they want (eg not providing a free bar means they can have lots of friends there, or really good food). I just like to know!

Don't go then, you are only going because your OH insisted you get a full invite, doesn't sound like they were that bothered about having you there in the first place, half your bill and stay home rather than going and being bitter about it!

Bowling clubs are the future! A vodka and tonic in a bowling club costs about 17p. Ask for a slice of lime though and they'll look at you as though you've asked to have the ice cubes coated in edible gold leaf.

Is it really greedy to prefer a free bar?

How much does it cost to attend a wedding? Outfit, travel, possibly accomodation if its a long way away. Present or money! For the couple and then you want me to pay for drinks all evening?

Who's being greedy? As I said its is customary to feed and water your guests.

whenyouseeitwave

Okay... clearly posters on here are mind readers.

I started a debate about whether people should tell in advance. I think it is good courtesy. Like I said I'd pay for my drinks without a grumble.

To be honest, I think I've run the course with this thread :)

"I went to one in a hotel where gin and tonic was £6, cheapest bottle of wine was £25, that sort of thing. Pretty easy to notch up over £100 drinks bill"

you can manage 16 (and a half to make up £100 ) G&Ts AFTER reception/toast drinks etc?

gosh!