To think if people are having a pay bar they should say so on invite?

[GlassofRose]

I'm going to a wedding next week and my partner is the best man. The couple have been a bit funny with partner this year being very pedantic over what he can and can't write in his speech to the point he told them to write it for them. He's also been in trouble with the bride for getting the groom drunk on his stag night (a whole month before the wedding). They also originally didn't invite me, then invited me to evening only (I'll be travelling up there the night before with my partner so would have been twiddling thumbs in hotel till evening) until my partner asked for me to be invited properly.

I asked my partner to ask if it was a pay bar or free bar as I just had an inkling these two are having a wedding they can't really afford although there was no mention of it on the invite. The reply he got from groom was "Of course it's a pay bar we're paying for the wedding...

Either way, Do you think if guests are expected to be paying for their own drink it should be mentioned on the invite?

YABU. I've been to 1 wedding that had a tab up to a certain amount, then it was a pay bar and one where it was a free bar all night. The rest have been free drink on arrival, wine on table and pay bar for anything else.

If it was a free bar with only red wine or white wine though I'd prefer a pay bar with more choice.

Maybe the free bar thing is regional? In Ireland weddings go on till approx 5am so a free bar for that duration would be costly. Maybe the free bars are for weddings that end at a respectable hour?

Ohh Ambivalence

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. M&S do beautiful cakes and they taste as good as they look.

I don't think the op is being that U if all the weddings she's ever been to have had free bar in the evening. Our friends are a load of pissheads so we put money behind the bar for beer and wine only and if anyone wanted cocktails or spirits they had to pay. That way the sensible drinkers like parents, aunts and uncles could carry on having a tipple but the big drinkers could pay for their bottles of Jack Daniels themselves which they had no problem with as that's what they'd do on a night out anyway.

We live in Spain where its customary to have a free bar but the Spanish aren't known for their binge drinking like the British are!

I wouldn't have asked any of our wedding party to pay for their own dresses or suits, I think that's bad etiquette. If you invite someone to be a part of your day you should provide what they need to fulfill that role, not attach conditions to it. And if you do ask them (for instance at a very low key laid back wedding) then its only good manners to allow them to choose what they want to wear, since they're paying!

We had an M&S cake too, it was lovely!

When you said ^^ that a pay bar was a"new thing" - what do you mean by new? I went to my first wedding 32 years ago, and I've never come across a free bar then, or in all the years since.
When my parents got married, in the 1950s, they didn't have a bar - glass of bubbly to toast, and then went off from the wedding reception (which would only have been 25-30 guests), with 'evening do' not having been invented (but note - no free bar 67 years ago either)

I agree with Amberleaf 100%

We married in a Scottish castle. We bought the booze from Macro/Majestic and hired staff to serve it at the evening reception. With champagne, wines, spirits and some liquers for welcome cocktails, it was not cheap. If I'd have had to pay corkage or the venue had insisted on providing alcohol at hotel rates, I would have bitten the bullet and stumped up, cutting costs elsewhere as need be.

There was no fucking way that I would have expected guests to pay for their own drinks, especially given the travel/accommodation costs (although we put close family/the wedding party up in the castle for the weekend at no cost).

My priority was feeding and watering our guests quality food and drink and ensuring it was plentiful. The same as I would if I hosted a dinner party/BBQ. I very much saw the reception as a party to round off the celebrations, rather than a separate thing. People who attended were there all day (or some the weekend)

We still had the day we wanted-well to be fair, it was more like an extended celebration over the weekend-but we invited those who were important/relevant to our lives-not distant relatives we hadn't seen in 20+ years, so in that respect, we cut our cloth accordingly.

I have been to pay bar weddings myself, and despite my own strong feelings in regards to my own wedding/priorities, I don't have a problem with paying for my own drinks- but this seems to be a new thing over the last 10-15 years, IME. In the 80's/90's most weddings seemed to be either a free flowing bar or an amount placed behind the bar-and when it was gone, it was gone.

I don't "look down" on B&G's who do thin

I find these threads really annoying. Its comments like "if you can't afford a free bar then you should pick a venue within your means" which basically is ensuring that everyone is kept in their place. It's like the mil who said that you shouldn't marry in a castle unless you own said castle.

As I said previously I have never been to a wedding where a free bar was provided so it simply wouldn't have occurred to me to provide one. We ended up paying for guests to have a bottle of wine each plus two glasses of champagne with the meal. Providing a free bar on top would have been excessive and I imagine would have cost £5,000 plus, considering the whole reception including a 5 course meal, wine and buffet in the evening cost £3,000 it would have been crazy to have paid almost double that on alcohol! At the time we were in a financial position where that would have been within our means but I'm
damned if I'm going to spend £5k to enable people to piss it up the wall!

Every single wedding ive been to has had a free bar. Ive been to around 10.

Lucky you!

If anyone coming to my wedding had a problem with a pay bar they could fuck off and not bother coming, greedy bastards. Providing a nice meal, a disco, a glass of fizz and some wine with the meal is more than enough IMO.

But yes they were mostly in the 80's and 90's.

I dont drink!

backforgood -

Well it's new within my community then. The situation has come up in conversation with family and friends and the general response has been "are you shitting me?" and a few "don't buy them a present then".

When I say new I'm talking about tradition. Traditionally as far as I'm aware amongst my community, social circle etc Brides parents pay for the wedding which would include drink.

@delicious the thing i think some people don't realise, hence north.south divide is just how much corkage is. My local venue charges £12 a bottle corkage! One top of the cost of the wine. That's huge!

It's also why many choose not to get married at a 'venue' and do the church/village hall thing though tbh.

rare to have a free bar. I'd expect to pay normally.

Butt, I don't care whether it's a free bar or not, I love a wedding regardless. I just like to know what the arrangements are so that I can make sure I have enough money with me to get pissed plan accordingly. Especially if it's cash only, no cards.

Paying for a free bar all through the night?

Every single wedding?

I though that would be unusual, but other people think not. I've been to loads in my time, a bit mixture of affluence, geographical location and venue and the amount of free drinks has varied but I've never had free drinks all night long, from the bar...

I've never heard anyone complain either so I'm thinking it can't be all that common.

I think it's rude and unhelpful to say pay bars are a new thing and that people who have them at their weddings are being unhospitable.

If you look at the thread there are many people who've been to lots of weddings. For some their experience has been all free bars, for others their experience has been all pay bars.

Things happen quite routinely outside of your own personal experience, that doesn't mean it's wrong.

Good for those people who've been able to house guests in a Scottish castle and provided free booze. Stab in the dark here, free B&B in a Scottish castle with all the booze you can guzzle is not most people's experience of a wedding.

Bonnie - If my thread annoys you then you didn't have to comment on it.

I think there is a difference between only having what you can afford and your comparison of only marrying in a castle if you own in :/ If you cant afford to rent it by all means do...

It's odd that people are offended by people who say that people should live within their means, but comments like buttwart's If anyone coming to my wedding had a problem with a pay bar they could fuck off and not bother coming, greedy bastards seem to be ignored?

agreed cash only no cards and miles from a cash point is shit though.

but that's the venue's fault

Well I wasn't really on about you OP. You only annoyed me a little.

I think it depends on the venue. If you're having a party in a hotel and they charge through the nose for drinks I can see why people might balk at the thought of paying people's bar tabs all night. Generally the weddings I've been to have been more the marquee/other random venue type where there isn't a built-in bar facility and so the hosts have arranged all the booze.

It would certainly be weird if someone organised a wedding somewhere that didn't have a bar, and then set up a bar and charged people after the meal

@OTheHuge that would be wierd. though as mentioned up thread I know a v wealthy fmaily who did that for daughter's 18th. i'm not guestzilla but that has been the peak of host rudeness.

squoosh - there is a divide between what people see as the norm'

It would seem only those who think pay bars are standard cry "rude" because people disagree. Yet many who believe free bars to be the norm' have been told they are wrong by those of you in favour of free bars.

I didn't start this thread to mudsling. I don't agree with pay bars but I wouldn't moan at anyone who had or be rude to them. I would still go (and am still going). I only wish people had courtesy to give a heads up as to some of us it is unexpected.