To think if people are having a pay bar they should say so on invite?

[GlassofRose]

I'm going to a wedding next week and my partner is the best man. The couple have been a bit funny with partner this year being very pedantic over what he can and can't write in his speech to the point he told them to write it for them. He's also been in trouble with the bride for getting the groom drunk on his stag night (a whole month before the wedding). They also originally didn't invite me, then invited me to evening only (I'll be travelling up there the night before with my partner so would have been twiddling thumbs in hotel till evening) until my partner asked for me to be invited properly.

I asked my partner to ask if it was a pay bar or free bar as I just had an inkling these two are having a wedding they can't really afford although there was no mention of it on the invite. The reply he got from groom was "Of course it's a pay bar we're paying for the wedding...

Either way, Do you think if guests are expected to be paying for their own drink it should be mentioned on the invite?

Well I'm going to open another can of worms here Glass

I think it's a piss take to ask the Best Man to pay for his own suit hire. They should et him wear one he's already got - unless they want to pay for a specific style

I've only ever been to one wedding with a free bar and that was a partner in a law firm marrying a merchant banker in Knightsbridge. Never been to once since.

When we got married we had welcome drink, wine for the toast, wine on the tables at dinner (quite a lot IIRC, lots of pissheads in my family :) so I think it worked out at nearly a bottle of wine each) and then we had quite a lot of glasses of wine on the bar for the evening bit which people could just take. But the rest of it was a paybar.

best man def shouldn';t have to pay to hire his suit though! no way!

How odd that you'd think everyone's lying about free bars . Why would anyone?

I've been to a wide range of wedding receptions - marquees, barns, a pub, a hotel, castles, beaches, stately homes, gardens etc and I have yet to encounter a pay bar. It's clearly pretty common, I just don't happen to have been to the wedding of anyone who's done it.

Maybe the next one will be, who knows? I do think a warning would be sensible.

I have only ever been to one wedding where there was a paybar - the bride "didn't want people getting drunk at her expense" - this bride was the richest in our peer group, and the drinks were cheap ( the venue was our old university, where all of our peer group have married because it is a great venue), she also made me pay for half of my monsoon bridesmaids dress ( couldn't spare £40 for each of her bridesmaids), our own shoes, hair, mainicures etc.

The most modest wedding I have ever been to, reception was in a pub and bride and groom said beer, wine, soft drinks free, but guests needed to pay if they wanted spirits - seemed odd to me but maybe more for drunknes control than cost.

I think if you can't afford a free bar, you have picked a venue beyond your means. It is not beyond the means of most to hire a village hall ( average £500), do a booze cruise to calais and call in some favours from family/friends to plate up a cold buffet. if I was on a limited budget I'd far rather do that than get my guests to pay for a wedding beyond my means. I am marrying soon, and that is what we were planing to do - ( until parents offered to contribute). I would not feel comfortable asking people to pay for their own drinks.

there are plenty of places that will let you serve your own booze - even in london.

One poster couldn't find a venue that would allow own caterers/ booze in london - try islington assembly hall on upper st,
assemblyhall.islington.gov.uk/hiring/weddings?extra=1

I'm so jealous of all these attendees of free bar weddings!

Our wedding was a traditonal hotel job, about 68 dinner guests with about 120ish including evening. The bar tab came to about 4000 euro, that was including wine at dinner. We paid for it by not having a cake, favours, cars, flowers or any of that stuff - nobody cared about that malarkey but 5 years on still mention the fab food and free booze. So it most definitely can be done, but in Ireland at least is very much the exception.

Every wedding bar 2 I've been to have given a drink on arrival and wine with the meal then pay for own drinks after/at the evening do.

The two which have been "free bar" were i) in Germany, where apparently it is customary to pay for the drinks, was seriously abused by some guests who drank champagne all afternoon which really upset my friend (bride) as they couldn't really afford it and ii) at a wedding which was in a marquee in the parents' garden - but a bit different between buying barrels of beer/cases of wine wholesale than paying a hotel bar bill.

I'd always assume we'd pay for most of our drinks at a wedding. And any other party - although started a thread about that as there had been a discussion on here about "if you can't afford to pay for all the drinks you shouldn't have the party in the first place

Me too squoosh , I've never been to one in my life.

I would always assume it was a pay bar.

I've never been to a wedding with an open bar

My step-FiL put £500 behind the bar at our wedding - total surprise, we didn't know he was planning to do it - and most people were surprised, and most still insisted on paying for their drinks, the venue gave him most of it back at the end

Its that weird MN parallel universe again

I've never been to a wedding where they have specified a pay bar on the invite, and I would expect to pay for my drinks!

I think your annoyed with them and looking for niggles perhaps?

I think it's a piss take to ask the Best Man to pay for his own suit hire. They should et him wear one he's already got - unless they want to pay for a specific style

Yep, me too, same goes for bridesmaids dresses.

Dh was best man and at the last minute was told to pay the organist as this was his job!!!! You have never seen two people scrabble around trying to get enough money together in your life, it was awful and we were no where near a cash point. Bloody ridiculous.

catinboots -

Well, I find it odd that he has to pay to hire his own suit too. They've been bossy about him going to look at the suit in the shop. Bossy about going there for a fitting in the shop closest to them and bossy about what shop he picks it up from.

Rather odd because it's a standard size suit stocked in their shops (it's a chain) and the bloke in the shop said he could have gone for the fitting and pick up the suit in the one closest to us to save him having to travel all the way there (They live a good few hours away...)

I've never been to a wedding where there was a free bar and I've been to tons. I've been to one party where there was a free bar and it was messy with people taking the piss buying doubles (not me of course ) and the person whose party it was was very well off.

I didn't have a free bar at my wedding and I never put it on the invite either, never occurred to me

Ordering doubles I should say!

That's the worry I'd imagine lilo of offering a free bar but only really being able to afford it if people don't take the p*.

Imagine the 'oh shit' feeling if you spotted 37 empty bottles of Grey Goose!

Oh but I think not inviting best mans partner to the day bit and the suit hire is a bit shabby, so I can see why your annoyed. Just not the bar bit.

Oh, and yes, I'd find it a bit weird that they didn't invite you to the whole wedding.

And definately, best man doesn't pay to hire his suit.

We paid for all the suit hire (DH my dad, best man, 2 ushers, step FiL and FiL), but got a bargain deal from the best man whose family ran a suit hire shop

And at our wedding, we paid for drinks served between ceremony and meal (hot chocolate as it was a bloody freezing January day), wine with the meal and fizz for the speeches

yes not inviting best man's partner to the day is rude.

It is really shabby not to invite you OP!

whosepickle

Not sure if you've read all my posts. I'm not annoyed at them. I find their ways a little odd and I started this thread because I wondered how many people would prefer a bit of notice whether it be by email, word of mouth invite etc that they will be incurring costs at the wedding. I wondered this because in my experience the majority of people have free bars and I thought this was the norm'.

katiepoes has the right idea, and this is what I am planning for my wedding - wedding cake from M&S, no cars, no flowers - but there will be free bar - am limiting the champagne to the toasts though, as providing that all night will be too expensive.

I have been to (indian) weddings where it has been a free champagne bar all night, and I have seen guests take the piss, so I am sticking to just red or white for my free bar.

I think ity may be a north/south thing, the well off bride who had a pay bar was a northerner, the other (white british) weddings have all been free bars but down south. Indian (punjabi)weddings are always free bars

valiumred

You had to pay the Organist? That takes the

Did you get the money back or where you expected to foot that?

If my partner of six years was best man and they only invited me to half the day I'm afraid I'd spit my dummy out and say fuck em and not go. But that's just me