to wonder whether I should say something to my friend about her carseats? (more of a WWYD really..)

[RagamuffinAndFidget]

I have a friend who seems to see the next stage of carseat as something achieve, as a sign of growing up. She moved her two DSes (3yo - the same as my DS1 - and 1.5yo) into stage one carseats when they were each around six months old, because they 'looked cute' and 'it made them look like big boys'. She has never had the straps tight enough for either of them - my DS1 used to be quite a chunky monkey, compared to her skinny DS1 definitely so, and the straps were pretty lose on him once when she gave us a lift into town. I tightened them quite a lot.

She's just posted a picture of her DS1 on the dreaded Facebook in a stage two carseat (the one meant for 4-11 year olds, I think) and said that she 'just thought she'd try him in it' and that he 'really likes being a big boy in it'. Well, that's lovely maybe, but what if she has a crash? Is it actually dangerous for them to be moved up before they're big enough for the next stage of carseat? I'm assuming they have stages for a reason.. there is no way her DS1 is anywhere near the 40lb weight limit or that he's tall enough to warrant a new carseat, he's very slim and petite.

Should I say something to her? AIBU to get involved? I genuinely don't think she even thinks it's all that dangerous, or that there are any risks involved in not having children properly secured in the right stage carseat..

I probably wouldn't say anything I was always agog to see my 3 year old niece in a booster seat that was not high backed, with the seat belt tucked under her arm because it wasn't comfy?!?! I doubt me expressing an opinion would have changed it tbh.

I gave someone a lift somewhere a while back. Along with their two year old who had a tantrum at being strapped in my child's seat. Mum was happy for me to drive with child unsecured. I refused to move the car until child was strapped in, and again til straps were put back on, and again. I suspect said child gets to travel without being strapped in. Can't understand why anyone would take such a risk. No help to you OP!

They showed us a video when I did my driver's training at work that went into quite graphic details of what happens when seat belts are worn under the arm. It wasn't pretty.

I have the same thing, but with my neighbour. We are friendly, but I don't know whether they'd be offended if I said something. Their baby is 8 months old and has been forward facing for a few months now. She is a small baby too. I was given a leaflet once about car seats by the playgroup DS5 went to, so I might see if I can get one and post it anonymously through their door.

The thing is so many people round here don't even bother with seatbelts, or weirdly their kids are sat in car seats but not even strapped in! I glare a lot at complete strangers in cars!

I would maybe 'advise' but be warned that she probably won't do anything about it.
My friend got a new car with a 'booster' in the middle seat - basically the seat popped up an extra inch or 2, she pretty much moved her 3YO from Stage 1 carseat to just a normal seat that was 'boosted' up a bit, i.e no side protection. http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=booster+built+in+car&hl=en&biw=1024&bih=485&tbm=isch&tbnid=YpMH8gcFJ2VEAM:&imgrefurl=rumors.automobilemag.com/2009-dodge-journeys-builtin-booster-seats-135164.html&docid=MoJE9UTJDvU9SM&imgurl=strumors.automobilemag.com/files/2009/01/14544035-623x830.jpg&w=623&h=830&ei=GbT0T-vSOcvq8QOs0pioBw&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=322&sig=101144790182878658567&page=5&tbnh=136&tbnw=105&start=53&ndsp=15&ved=1t:429,r:12,s:53,i:283&tx=87&ty=70 Like this
She kept saying that it was fine because she was on a booster so was getting the extra inches so that the belt didnt dig in and was in the right place - she didn't understand that the side protection is really important too.
Her DD is 4 now and still on the seat - I don't think people realize how important the side supports in Stage 2 carseats are.

Erghh sorry

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=booster+built+in+car&hl=en&biw=1024&bih=485&tbm=isch&tbnid=YpMH8gcFJ2VEAM:&imgrefurl=rumors.automobilemag.com/2009-dodge-journeys-builtin-booster-seats-135164.html&docid=MoJE9UTJDvU9SM&imgurl=strumors.automobilemag.com/files/2009/01/14544035-623x830.jpg&w=623&h=830&ei=GbT0T-vSOcvq8QOs0pioBw&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=322&sig=101144790182878658567&page=5&tbnh=136&tbnw=105&start=53&ndsp=15&ved=1t:429,r:12,s:53,i:283&tx=87&ty=70" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here

Some people genuinely don't understand
I tell everyone I can

I would say something light hearted on FB ''What a shame he has to wait until he is 40lbs to move into the seat, he looks so cute in it''

I would say something. My son is 3.5, weighs 43 lbs and has to go up to a group 2 high backed booster car seat, i'm really upset about this as i would have preferred him to be in a 5 point harness and rear facing till he was 4 however his seat doesn't allow this and very few of the rear facing ones for toddlers go past 18 kg - some to 25 kg i believe but not his.

I saw someone in Babies R Us this weekend discussing if their 7 month old was 'too young to put her baby in a group one forward facing' I personally wanted to tell her that no child under the age of 3 should be forward facing but people have their own opinions however i think your friend sounds crazy for putting her child at risk like this - please say something (nicely of course but try to explain how she is putting her precious dc at risk).

The lower limit for the group 2 seats is 15kg. Like pp maybe just put 'can't believe he's 15kgs already, he looks so tiny'. When I drop DD (3.9) off at pre school most of the children are in group 2 seats. She does weigh more than 15kg and is one of the smallest so I assume all I them exceed the weight limit. The information on car seats is something you have to seek out yourself so it's no wonder people are uneducated.

Thanks for your replies. I just left a comment along the lines of 'Wow, I can't believe he weighs enough to move up to the next stage, he does look pleased with himself though' and she said 'I don't know how much he weighs, I just bought it to get him used to it because it's easier for me when the new baby arrives if he's in the narrower seat so I can get them all in the back of the car'.

Because obviously making things easy for her is a priority. She has a seven-seater car BTW.

I bought a FF Recaro 1-2-3 car seat for DS (2.10) as it had a 5 point harness to 18 kg. He passed the 15kg limit for his stage 1 car seat before he was 2.

I would say something.

The 'narrow' thing is rubbish as I have three in the back with a britax eclipse stage 1 car seat for the baby. I do find the prolonged rear facing thing a bit unachievable though.

TBF, it would depend on the 7 seater she has. I think I'd prefer my child in a booster in the middle row than in the boot seats of a zafira, I was rear ended a couple of weeks ago and looking at where the damage was it could've potentiallly caused more damage to the child than the wrong size seat.

But my children are in the right size seats for them and I feel that children should be in the right size seats. You have made your feelings clear and she chooses to ignore the right advice you have done all you can.

Has she looked to see if there are any slimmer fitting car seats for the right age group.

Probably not Pizza - she bought the new seat because it was part of the 'Baby Event' in Morrisons, so it was the cheapest she could find.

Everytime I put my baby in his seat the straps are loose and I 'tighten them quite a lot'. Then loosen them again to get him out. Are you sure that wasnt it?

Tbh I wouldnt say anything, at least they're in a car seat at all. Ive seen kids clearly not strapped in a regular seat, hanging out of moving car windows. Strap your kid in ffs, youre such a good driver you'll never crash? Wankers.

Or babies who are placed into the carseat, clipped loosly round their legs but not over their arms, wtf is that about? The vehical is moving, a sudden stop and that baby's screwed. Fucking hell.

Rant over.

Well she sounds as idiotic as my sister then, who despite the number of miles she does bought a £25 job from asda without checking to see if it fitted her car.

Crusty I asked her how to tighten them, because I wanted them tighter for my DS1 and she said she'd forgotten because she never tightened them, because her DSes didn't really like tight straps..

Could it be that she can't afford a new seat for the baby so has moved him to the next stage early? I know you can't put a price on your child's safety but some seats are incredibly expensive which makes them unaffordable to some people.

Well from my experience its not your level of driving ability its the blooody fools that are on the road around you.

Don't get me started on the ones that have little ones in cars without any seats at all.

Frilly She can afford it. She still has the old carseat from when her DS2 was a baby, plus she's just bought a new travel system which includes a new carseat. She just seems to think that making them grow up by putting them in bigger carseats and stuff is the thing to do..

I saw a pic on fb recently of a 2.3 yr old just with an adult seatbelt on, tucked under his arm. No booster even. Awful.

If there is anyone out there who thinks that they cannot afford to buy the right car seat for their child then how do they think they are going to afford the bus fare to take them to hospital every week when they are banned from driving and the child is seriously injured. its the one thing that absolutely makes my blood boil -seeing a child the most precious thing in your life rattling around in a car whilst the parent is nice and securely belted in. If she can afford a 7 seater car with the insurance and the cost of tyres for them then she can darn well afford a proper seat for her child. my 10 yr old has just come out of his seat. he hated it. it reminded him how small he was to other kids. tough. we had a rear end shunt and he was fine. rant over judgy pants in the wash basket.

mummy, my thoughts exactly. My kids were fine apart from a bruised leg where DD bashed her leg against the plastic booster and a lot of shock. Could've been a lot worse.

You research and buy the best car for safety rating in your budget, then negate that by sticking them in something that won't fit either the child or the car, just because its cheap or makes them look grown up.

mummymeister I am exactly the same - I cannot stand seeing parents who just cannot be bothered to strap their child in.
6YO DD1 is still in a high-back booster and will be staying there until she is too tall.
The whole 'I can't fit 3 carseats along 1 seat row' is a load of crap too - especially with people who have 7 seaters. This 'friend' of mine has 7 seats but still chooses to put her 4YO on a built-in-booster, sometimes she blames it on the fact that its 'easier' to have them all in one row..

I remember years ago we were driving along the motorway when I car drove past at about 95mph - there was a 6/7ish year old girl in the back with about a 15months old baby... the baby was crawling around on the parcel shelf . You could see for a while that there was a traffic jam coming up, but the car carried on at 95mph and had to slam the breaks on, sending the baby falling into the footwell. We drove past, rang the police, and were signalling to them to put their fucking belts on. Worst part was they had a perfectly nice carseat for the baby in the back.. No idea what happened next - they sped off.
I genuinely don't think I've ever been so angry in my life.