to wonder whether I should say something to my friend about her carseats? (more of a WWYD really..)

[RagamuffinAndFidget]

I have a friend who seems to see the next stage of carseat as something achieve, as a sign of growing up. She moved her two DSes (3yo - the same as my DS1 - and 1.5yo) into stage one carseats when they were each around six months old, because they 'looked cute' and 'it made them look like big boys'. She has never had the straps tight enough for either of them - my DS1 used to be quite a chunky monkey, compared to her skinny DS1 definitely so, and the straps were pretty lose on him once when she gave us a lift into town. I tightened them quite a lot.

She's just posted a picture of her DS1 on the dreaded Facebook in a stage two carseat (the one meant for 4-11 year olds, I think) and said that she 'just thought she'd try him in it' and that he 'really likes being a big boy in it'. Well, that's lovely maybe, but what if she has a crash? Is it actually dangerous for them to be moved up before they're big enough for the next stage of carseat? I'm assuming they have stages for a reason.. there is no way her DS1 is anywhere near the 40lb weight limit or that he's tall enough to warrant a new carseat, he's very slim and petite.

Should I say something to her? AIBU to get involved? I genuinely don't think she even thinks it's all that dangerous, or that there are any risks involved in not having children properly secured in the right stage carseat..

Well I am pleased to say they are publicising them, slightly. I'd not touched my bounty pack info as dc3 and all that. Talking carseats with dp he grabbed the 'shopping guide book' it has the kiddifix erf in, and states its 5x safer. A small start.

Were getting a multipla (ugly I know) this weekend, were then going to get infant seats checked in it, dd had the maxi cosi cabrio but after 4yrs non use, 2 house moves, 6mnths in safe store im cutting the straps and chucking it as I've seen if stored in lofts etc it can make them unsafe.

Any one got info on maxi cosi cabrio/pebble vs recaro young profi. No isofix in the car sadly.both rate around the same but I want to be sure this time and I do need to choose between those to clip onto the bugaboo for school drop offs. --and the fact that moving 3dc around terrifies me-- not that I plan to do it often, just want the option.

Quick q, just looked at the britax one yeaiam there isn't much of a head rest/support. If your familiar with the appearance of a britax evolva they have huge head support wings, if that erf had that I'd be sold on it. Or is that not as necessary in erf?

Do you mean the Hiway or the Two way elite? IWhen we bought the elite they said we could buy a head support thing for it but we already had a neck support we had bought ourself. I would email in car safety and ask if it comes with a newborn insert as if it's from birth it should really shouldn't it?
Sorry i can't be much help, like i said we have the elite and haven't purchased the hiway yet so not overly familiar with the apperance

Thanks for the advice, gonna drag the laptop out and look on the in car safety centre website properly. Got a while to research as we've decided we still want an infant carier first.

Dd was in a forward facing seat at 9 months as her head stuck out the top. She was out of the four point harness at almost three as she exceeded the weight limit (man in the shop said straps wouldnt hold her weight in a crash) and the straps were too low down. Shes five now the headrest in her 1-2-3 seat (recaro by the way, best £150 we ever spent !) is on its limit. I hate booster cushions. If you sit her just on the seat the seatbelt fits her as it would an adult as she has a long back even though she is 12cm short of the legal height limit. I would however break the law and do this as she is safer this way than on a booster. I will however cram her in her seat till I can cram her in no more !. There is nothing wrong with a friendly word of advice, many parents I know dont understand the dangers of unrestrained/badly restrained children in cars. Maybe police should start stop checks for it ?

row I agree, I've seen the police stop someone once.

A couple leaving hospital, new born son. The dh wanted to hold him up front, no carseat in sight. Police intervened and mum and baby were re-admited until a seat arrived. It wasn't a pleasant conversation, I wanted to vanish but was fat pregnant hot and finally got a spot on the bench to wait for my taxi.

Spot checks would work, like they used to for tax and mot and do for breathalisers now.

I am pretty rubbish at most things I do as a parent but car seats are the one thing I never make a mistake on. We have bought 10 car seats over the years of being parents and are pretty obsessive about checking them.

I just find the guidelines confusing. Children have to be 135cm or 12 before they can give up using a seat. My dd is 134.5cm but she is only 8. How can that be right? She looks so small and slim still.

Can it be dangerous to keep them in longer as ds1 only came off his a few weeks ago and he is now 11 and 151cm.

I might maybe drop a note anonymously through the door of my local community police station and advise that you think there is a serious risk to a childs wellbeing.

Hang on Row, I don't understand - how is your DD safer on the seat than on a booster?

I was just thinking that fab as I look after my brother who's a big lad for his age, its just a HBB britax axis we have for him, surely all they do is posistion the body in a better place and so long as the seat holds the seatbelt in the correct place on them it doesn't matter, the weight range I believe is on the seatbelt which ofc is ok in HBB.

Anyone care to enlighten?

And fab I'm sure you are not rubbish.

Dp is desperate for a police car to sit outside ds school, we are the only parents who strap dcs in, the worst thing I saw this week, at a petro station a galaxy pulls in, driver and 2 kids in middle row a 6-8yo in the boot sat on top of a folded down seat.

I also struggle to see out of the back over the top of ds2's head. My new car is slanted back and ds1 has to go in the middle and I can see out clearly.

Why not just ring the local station and report them?

I would find it hard to confront someone about it (and in general!) but her attitude is rubbish. It also makes me mad to hear she obviously thought about this saying - the recommendations are guidelines and "mother knows best" not true in this situation.

Possibly you could tell her the story of someone who had child in minor accident (not drivers fault) car rammed into back of them and shunted them onto busy road. No-one was harmed but the police commented it was good job toddler in a properly fitted car seat. Just say hearing this story made you think of her and worry that she should take the recommendations more literally.

StateOfConfusion - we paid around £170 for our Britax two way elite which fits most cars, so not that much more expensive than the ones you have bought. I think there's a perception that they're hugely expensive and whilst some can be, this one is a great price and a fab seat.

Can I ask a question please - when is a child too big for their group 1 seat, when their head is over the top? My dd, who is only 2.2 is very nearly there (weighs 14.5kg, she is very tall for her age).

If that's the case it looks like I'll have to buy her a hbb seat when she gets there (and over 15kg too) but that seems very young to move her up.

happygilmore - it's when the the tops of their ears are level with the top of the seat IIRC. We had the same thing with DS - got too tall for the car seat but was just under the 15kg limit for a HBB )and didn't want him in just a seatbelt seat as he was only 3) so bought a Britax Evolva which is height adjustable and can be used with a seatbelt when they're older. AFAIK it's the only seat that can cope with taller children that still has a harness (happy to be corrected though!).

Thanks Jareth. I will look at that one. Wish I'd bought something like that originally but never mind!

tweet what's the top weight limit on that one? Can't get on my laptop and crapberry keeps kicking me out of websites.

When dd1 was almost 4 she had grown out of her car seat due to her height but she's really light and was just under the weight needed to go up a stage. I saw her shorter friends all going into the next size up and just couldn't see how as they were shorter than dd. Then I gave 2 of her friends a lift, lifted them into my car and I realised I needed to remove my judgy pants as these dc were actually a lot heavier than dd1.

I think it's best to try to subtly make a comment about the importance of getting the right seat for safety - make up a story about trouble you've had finding one safe enough to fit your car or something. I just don't think she sounds like someone you could remain friends with if you confronted her on it.

Sadly there are some very thick people out there. dtds are coming up to 11mo and I have been looking into car seats and the weights so I know how long I can keep them in the rearfacing ones (as long as I can)!

Happy the Recaro Young Sport can too, we bought one for DS as by 2.4 he was 16kg and too tall for the Britax eclipse i had for him. It is currently on the highest straps setting and should fit like that till he's 18kg, then can be used with a belt as a hbb. It should fit him till he's at least 8 (says 12 but i think he'll be too tall before then!)

DD1 is 32kg and 136cm at 8.6. She'll be staying in a booster for at least another year or so.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2090574/One-seven-parents-children-risk-placing-forward-facing-car-seats-early.html

Post this through her door!

State - it's upto 25kg so one of the better ones weight wise.

That's great tweet, ill deffinatly consider that one. We got our new (to us) car yesterday so 3 beastly sized carseats are not a problem. Me and dp are familiar with britax so its good to know there's a reasonably priced rf with a good weight limit one from them. Dd is creeping toward 18kg, I dread the day she moves to an adult belt.

Bertie, because I worry that on a booster seat she will fly off it and end up hanging,with her bum on the seat the seatbelt will pull her in. Seatbelt fits perfectly without booster as she is long backed . Maybe just me being neurotic !