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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not make ds's lunch

167 replies

biddysmama · 03/07/2012 10:07

he is 10 and in the mornings he has to get up,get ready for school and make his lunch to set off at 8.40, i wake him up at 7.15 every morning

he messes about getting ready,reads and sometimes comes down at 8.30 after ive been shouting etc to get him to come down

aibu not to make his lunch for him when he comes down late because he thinks i should

(i have 3 preschoolers aswell btw)

he goes to bed at 8pm so its not like he needs more sleep

OP posts:

fourandahalfkids · 03/07/2012 18:46

That should have read so yanbu, predictive txt caught me out.

Lovesabadboy · 03/07/2012 19:16

My dds are 15 and 12 and have made their sandwiches in the evening for at least the past 4 years.
It is part of our evening routine and so is not a trial...it is just what happens!
The person who has done the cooking (me or DH) can sit down, one person washes, one dries and one does the sandwiches. Easy peasy, chores shared and then everyone can sit down to enjoy their evening together, rather than it all falling to one parent.

I have a friend who was married for 17 years to a man who had been so mollycoddled by his mother, he NEVER, in 18 years of marriage, even made her so much as a single cup of tea. He relied on her for literally everything. She finally saw the light and left him. He literally couldn't cope without her and took his own life. (There were other issues besides just householdy things, but he was totally lost without her)
She has two sons and made it her absolute mission to ensure that they are nothing like their father and they have been taught how to do everything around the house and be totally self sufficient.
She could not bear the thought of another woman being put through the Hell that she was.
Her number one son went to Uni last year and has, within 6 months, left the place he was sharing with other lads....as he was the only one who bothered to clean and tidy whilst none of the others had a clue!

I think it is actually doing your children a disservice not to teach them these lifeskills.

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 03/07/2012 19:21

I was not that child as I wasn't allowed sandwiches! But I did start to do all my own laundry at age 12 because my mum was hopelessly in love with the tumble dryer, and tumble dried all kids clothes (I suspect not her own) on high, resulting in many shrunken garments, and as long as I could still physically get into a jumper/ T shirt or whatever shrunk by the dryer she refused to replace it - not good for the self esteem of a slightly chunky 12 year old who was already well into puberty and wearing a larger bra size than my mother!

I don't remember ever being show how to use the washing machine, I just remember stopping putting my stuff in the bathroom laundry basket and starting collecting it in a cardboard box, washing it myself and hanging things around my room on hangers to dry! I never resented it, I was just happy not to have tight out of shape clothes!

BlackholesAndRevelations · 03/07/2012 20:13

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread but wanted to say- I started having packed lunches at age 8 and my mum NEVER ONCE made it for me!

ArcticRain · 03/07/2012 21:40

DSS 16 had his sarnies made till he finished school this summer . At 15 he just couldn't get it . The timing etc . He isn't lazy. Today he made brekkie and had left the butter out. He is in world of his own . He needs a part time job to help sort him out before college .

Personally for DD I'd plan all this responsibility a lot earlier . Babying does no good .

ArcticRain · 03/07/2012 21:48

But I think 10 is a bit young .

holyfishnets · 03/07/2012 23:09

Can't he make the sandwiches the night before. Mine does.

holyfishnets · 03/07/2012 23:17

Mine makes his own the night before on three nights a week. He is 9 and it isn't a big deal and infact only takes 5 mins. He also likes to make cakes and toast. No big deal. He has a very balanced life and has lots of fun activities, I don't have him slaving away in a corner 24/7.

My own parents weighted had and foot on me and my siblings. We have all found it hard to run a house!

sensuallettuce · 03/07/2012 23:32

I make DS1's lunch - he's nearly 15

NoComet · 03/07/2012 23:55

DH or I make a sandwich, because bread machine loafs are a pain to cut.
Y6 DD collects her other bits, fruit, crisps, yoghurt, cereal bars, fruit stings etc. Ensures on goes separate for snack.

I make her a drink.

Clefairy · 04/07/2012 00:01

My DCs made their own sandwiches from young'ish. I think my DD was about 11 maybe 12, my DS 's probably a bit older. It only takes a couple of minutes and then they could choose what they wanted nutella or peanut butter EVERY DAY If I made them I used cheese, chicken or ham and eughh salady stuff so they were happy to make their own.
If you have little DC's and need the oldest to help then I can't see anything wrong with getting him to make his own. It's not difficult. I always make a nice healthy supper though so I don't think I am a terrible Mum

nokidshere · 04/07/2012 00:12

Blimy - I make my hubbys packed lunch and he is nearly 60 LOL

steppemum · 04/07/2012 00:36

My ds is 9 and he definitely could make his lunch (now seriously considering adding this to list of chores...)
I would never let him go to school without lunch though as he gets really horrendous when he is hungry. Think school would complain too.

I think doing it the night before has to be the answer. Or make pocket money dependent on it, or it has to be done before allowed on computer or the evening before or something.

my ds is morning person, pretty together and fits in his jobs (mainly rabbits) but my dd is like set concrete in the morning, she would never manage it.

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 04/07/2012 06:38

As my oldest (of 3) is 6 and seems quite grown up to me in a lot of ways, I am quite at people thinking 10 is too young to make his own packed lunch, esp if that is the only chore he is being asked to do! Clearly it is still his parents' responsibility to make sure he has lunch, and it should be made the night before, but how is 10 too young to make it?

(When I were 10 was working 14 hour days down 't pit ... :o Obviously that is a lie) :) but why are people saying 10 is too young to make a sandwich and put it in a box with a carton of drink and an apple?

steppemum · 04/07/2012 09:13

actually, getting really excited by the fact that in Sept my ds and dd are now going to be responsible for getting their lunch together the night before (I am soft, so will do their sandwiches in the morning)

Have recently realised that with dd2 starting school in sept our school lunch bill will require a second mortgage, so have told dc they can only have school dinners 2x per week. Problem is I HATE making lunches. So pleased this thread has given me an opt out!

OneTwoOrThree · 04/07/2012 09:24

My 3 year old makes her own sandwiches, under supervision of course. Has been doing it for almost a year now. She wouldn't have it any other way!

She needs help opening packets etc, using the knife to spread butter etc, but otherwise is totally capable. By 10, she shouldn't have packet / knife difficulties. I guess she may well have motivation difficulties at some stage but I think they should be worked through rather than pandered too. Just my opinion.....

nokidshere · 04/07/2012 09:27

I don't think 10 is too young to be making their own I just think its unneccesary! Both my boys are perfectly capable of doing it but I do theirs (and dh's) at night when i do a final clean round of the kitchen etc. I like my mornings as calm and relaxed as possible and I don't mind doing it for them so its not an issue.

I am perfectly happy for someone to make my lunch for me too if they want :)

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