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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not make ds's lunch

167 replies

biddysmama · 03/07/2012 10:07

he is 10 and in the mornings he has to get up,get ready for school and make his lunch to set off at 8.40, i wake him up at 7.15 every morning

he messes about getting ready,reads and sometimes comes down at 8.30 after ive been shouting etc to get him to come down

aibu not to make his lunch for him when he comes down late because he thinks i should

(i have 3 preschoolers aswell btw)

he goes to bed at 8pm so its not like he needs more sleep

OP posts:
FormerlyTitledUntidy · 03/07/2012 11:19

Seriously spuddy? Noone in your secondary school made their own lunches?

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 03/07/2012 11:19

Thats made me chuckle salty. My dad also has corned beef sandwiches-with ketchup. Bleurgh.

I'd rather eat a butter sandwich.

squeakytoy · 03/07/2012 11:24

I would say making a packed lunch is part of the job of being a mother.

DialsMavis · 03/07/2012 11:25

DS (9.5) makes his own lunch... I do offer some input though. I was happy with him having school dinners, he wanted to change to packed lunches.... He can make them. He seems to enjoy the responsibility. The rules are he has to include a protein/carb (preferably both) & some fruit or veg and those items must be eaten before anything else he puts in.

TheCreepingLurgy · 03/07/2012 11:30

Blueoctopus, that your mum still makes your brother's lunch is pathetic. She probably loves it as she's still "needed" and he probably loves it too because it saves him a job, so in a way it's an arrangement that serves them both well, but I think it's a ridiculous arrangement. Women looking after grown up men who are perfectly capable of doing things themselves goes very much against my feminist grain.

I tell my sons that by the age of 18 they should be able to do all the things I do for them, i.e. cleaning, washing, cooking. And you can't expect that to happen on their 18th birthday if you don't give them training before. Making one's own lunch is a perfect first step. I did it with my DS1 in the last term of primary school so he was 11 rather than 10, saying I wouldn't be making his lunch when he would be in secondary. Now that he is in secondary he will suffer the natural consequences for not making his lunch, i.e. go hungry or be late.

So OP, you are not being unreasonable but I would like to echo previous posters who suggested he could perhaps make it the night before, to avoid deadline arguments and being late for school. Or let him have less severe natural consequences by, like someone suggested, giving him just bread and a drink. They are just that little bit younger still in primary school and therefore need more guidance and help with everything and your responsibility for making sure he eats and arrives on time at school is greater. School probably sees it that way as well whereas in secondary they are quite happy to hold the late/hungry ones accountable themselves.

Spuddybean · 03/07/2012 11:33

formerly Nope. Not one. Probably 50% had school dinners and the rest of us had sandwiches/pasta/salad etc made for by our mums. (late 80's early 90's).

imnotmymum · 03/07/2012 11:39

I would not expect my DCs to make their lunch at 10, they have to organise own bags etc. (pe kit, football stuff, music etc.). Maybe he getting up too early and gets lulled into "I have loads of time" but just make his sandwich !!

Blueoctopus · 03/07/2012 12:04

Thecreepinglurgy - wow it's pathetic, hmm ok. I'll tell you something else she makes hers and my dads at the same time. I'm pretty sure my brother isn't bothered if mum makes his lunch or he picks up a sandwich at the station.
I will never understand why making someone's lunch is a feminist issue. I'm pretty sure nobody cooks a roast dinner just for themselves and makes everyone else roast their own chicken.
Come on now pick your battles, it's just a sandwich.

FormerlyTitledUntidy · 03/07/2012 12:06

Well if it's no big deal, why doesn't your brother make your mum and dad's sanwiches? It is pathetic to have mummy make a packed lunch at 25.

imnotmymum · 03/07/2012 12:12

Well in our house I just do it and make DHs if their is a sandwich filling he likes not a downtrodden pandering Mother/Wife just what happens.

Sonatensatz · 03/07/2012 12:13

I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect at 10 year old to make their own lunch and to learn to organise their time properly. Our job as mums is to train children to be independent and to do all these things for themselves once they are able.
My children are younger and they like to do these things for themselves as it makes them feel more grown up. The earlier they start to do these things for themselves the more natural it seems to them to do it and they are less likely to get that sense of entitlement that parents are there to run around after them like servants.

Cockwomble · 03/07/2012 12:14

It seems all kinds of weird to me that anyone on this thread is horrified at the thought of a 10 year old making a sandwich. Jebuz no wonder it's all gone to the dogs.

imnotmymum · 03/07/2012 12:17

I am not horrified at my 10 year old making a sandwich and often she will as do all my kids make various dinners/snacks etc. But at 10 is it worth getting stressy about it ?? He is a child.

akaemmafrost · 03/07/2012 12:17

Why is it pathetic to make your son a sandwich for his lunch at aged 25?

No more so than making your DH a packed lunch because you love him and want to make life slightly easier for him.

Spuddybean · 03/07/2012 12:23

Yup - sorry. I am horrified. Not perhaps at the making a sandwich part, i'm sure they are capable and if they fancy a snack can do so, but i would expect a parent to do lunches at that age. Maybe it's because i don't have any children, but 10 just seems so young to me.

Cockwomble · 03/07/2012 12:23

I'd say at 10 it's well worth teaching him how to organise himself and make his own lunch!

Cockwomble · 03/07/2012 12:24

I don't have children either spud, I think the reason I don't have a problem with it is that I made my own then too.

thisisyesterday · 03/07/2012 12:27

my mum made my lunch for me even when i was at college!

i am still independent, can cook for myself and my family and have not, as far as i'm aware, been adversely affected by my mother doing this for me

i'm not saying your son shouldn't make his lunch, but i don't think there is anything wrong with doing it for him either.

squeakytoy · 03/07/2012 12:28

I would not be horrified, but as the person in our house who is in charge of making sure that there is food in the fridge, and meal planning, and knows what needs using up first, I make the packed lunches, and that is for my husband too.

I do think so long as a 10yo IS capable, it doesnt mean they should be expected to do what I would consider to be the chores of the parents.

I would expect a 10yo to keep their room tidy, but I wouldnt expect them to be doing their own washing, or the housework. There is plenty of time for them to do that when they are no longer children. Let kids enjoy being kids for as long as they can... real life adulthood lasts a lot longer.

pumpkinsweetie · 03/07/2012 12:29

Yabu, i make my 9yo lunch and will continue to make her a packed lunch until she finishes Junior school.
Children are children, they should be allowed to have a childhood.
Tbh im shocked 10yo are made to make their own lunch, thats what we as mothers/fathers are there for

Cockwomble · 03/07/2012 12:32

I don't see anything wrong with teaching a child how meal planning works from an early age...I don't think asking them to put their lunch together and helping them do it will steal their childhoods from them.

HazleNutt · 03/07/2012 12:34

YANBU. It's his own sandwich and as you said, he does not really have any other jobs than that. Some people make it sound like you expect him to scrub the toilet with his toothbrush..

imnotmymum · 03/07/2012 12:34

Meal planning at 10 !!! Life is too short to meal plan as an adult !!

Cockwomble · 03/07/2012 12:35

It's hardly demanding the child plans the family meals is it? Learning to plan what he'll have for lunch the next day? Don't be so over dramatic. Learning how to plan his own meal is not a hardship ffs.

pumpkinsweetie · 03/07/2012 12:35

Im not saying it steals it, but in them 5-10 mins they could be doing something fun instead of packing their own lunchbox!
I personally think it is a parents job.
There is nothing wrong with a child of 10 making a snack or helping but to make their entire pack lunch every single day i think is lazy on the parents part