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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not make ds's lunch

167 replies

biddysmama · 03/07/2012 10:07

he is 10 and in the mornings he has to get up,get ready for school and make his lunch to set off at 8.40, i wake him up at 7.15 every morning

he messes about getting ready,reads and sometimes comes down at 8.30 after ive been shouting etc to get him to come down

aibu not to make his lunch for him when he comes down late because he thinks i should

(i have 3 preschoolers aswell btw)

he goes to bed at 8pm so its not like he needs more sleep

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 03/07/2012 13:50

My dd1 will be 10 in September and she has never made her own school lunch Shock

And now I'm wondering why the hell not! The kids are getting up 15 minutes earlier tomorrow and making their own Grin

LauraShigihara · 03/07/2012 13:50

It's not really about being a housewife (or husband), it's about knowing how to do those everyday chores swiftly and efficiently. Like if you've done some laundy and the sun is shining, stick it out on the line before work rather than leaving it stinking in the machine all day.

It isn't a gender thing - my oldest DS has been a right bloody trial to me over the years (has left home now) but he still knows that you need to clean out the dishwasher filter and that the fridge needs wiping out and that beds don't just change themselves.

My eight year old loves making his sandwiches for school. He uses cookie cutters on them to get great shapes with no crusts.

TheCreepingLurgy · 03/07/2012 13:50

I had my DS1 (12) cook on a saturday with my DH, and it was a chore for him as he was not particularly interested in it. We've let it slip a bit in the last few months but am determined to get back on track again.

I think there is NOTHING wrong with teaching children how to cook and clean even if they're not interested in it, provided it is within their ability. I am not interested in cooking and cleaning myself, but it still needs doing. I hope it teaches them that sometimes everybody has to do stuff they don't like, that it's not that bad, and that they won't take everything I do for them for granted because they appreciate more what's involved (this last bit is probably wishful thinking Wink)

Cockwomble · 03/07/2012 13:52

Seriously pumpkin? You think that it's obvious how to do laundry? To someone who's never done it before or used a washing machine before?

I suppose it's 'obvious' how to cook too?

pumpkinsweetie · 03/07/2012 13:53

I do believe children should be taught life skills but when they get a more responsible age, like when they start high school not 10.
If it is the odd packed lunch when mum is busy then yes but not every single day

usualsuspect · 03/07/2012 13:53

They can see whats needed to run a house though, they did do things around the house tbh. I just never taught them.

They never had chores as such , we just all mucked in together.

I always made their packed lunches at primary age though and it never made them unable to run their own houses.

catus · 03/07/2012 13:55

At ten, I think there are other responsabilities he could have, but making his lunch every morning is not one of them. Maybe he could be responsible for one or two meals a week?
Having said that, if you want him to make his own lunch, it's not horrifying, and it doesn't make you mean. I think suggestions to make him do it in the evenings are very good sense, though.

Cockwomble · 03/07/2012 13:56

I always made their packed lunches at primary age though and it never made them unable to run their own houses.

Been my exact point that. That making butties for children stops them from running their own households.

usualsuspect · 03/07/2012 13:59

Well thats what this thread is about Confused

WarriorQueen · 03/07/2012 14:01

ok ,,,,,
For whoever said that life is too short to meal plan > some of us don't have a choice and need to stick to tight budgets and planning is therefore essential.

also for whoever said this was lazy parenting > IMO standing trying to get your child to do something that they are not keen on (even though you know it will teach them a VITAL life skill) and not giving in to the temptation to do it yourself (cos its quicker/easier/for a quiet life) is the opposite of lazy parenting

But back to the question from OP. I think it is very important for kids to learn stuff like this. So i think you are right to stick to your guns, but like the others have said might be best to swap it over to the night before.

QuickLookBusy · 03/07/2012 14:02

I made my DDs lunches all the way through school.

As they got older though I would just make the sandwich and they had to get everything else-water bottle, fruit etc

Smellslikecatspee · 03/07/2012 14:05

Wow,

Hands up I don't have kids but I was making supper for the family one night a week from the age of 10. Started at 8 with supervision from older sibling on my own from 10. We all had 'our' evening
And while tidying up I'd sort out my lunch and my sisters if they'd been nice to me Grin

Senior school we came home for lunch.

I know my Dnephew makes his own though not sure from what age, but he also walks to school with his mates about a mile and is trusted with a key in case my sis needs to pop out.

imnotmymum · 03/07/2012 14:06

Is it VITAL to learn to make a sandwich in the morning ?? And why do you need to be rolling in it to not have a meal plan ???

TheCreepingLurgy · 03/07/2012 14:07

Usualsuspect, I suspect you have taught them how to do chores just by mucking in together. Well done! I wish I could get my boys to muck in spontaneously, but they need more persuasion unfortunately.

Smellslikecatspee · 03/07/2012 14:08

Ps, get him to do it the night before.

pumpkinsweetie · 03/07/2012 14:09

My 9yo knows how to make a sandwich but i wouldn't expect her to make her own packed lunch everyday as i am here to make it for her.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 03/07/2012 14:10

My dcs have school dinners , of Im busy dd (7) makes their sandwiches for dinner (with salad on the side) and their fruit for pudding, of they had packed lunches I would expect them to do them themselves (and D'S is 5) I'm obv a very lazy mother Hmm

WarriorQueen · 03/07/2012 14:10

its vital to learn to fend for yourself yes.

re meal planning it costs less when you plan meals. When i had more money I was a fly by the seat of my pants girl when it came to food shopping and it cost loads more and loads got wasted.

Cockwomble · 03/07/2012 14:11

My point with that imnotmy is that you dismissed meal planning as a waste of time. For me it's essential in order to keep to my budget - it's not a waste if time for everyone!

I think it's important to be able to make a sandwich for your own dinner, and to be able to know how to put your own lunch together yes. It doesn't follow you have to do it all the time if that's your style of parenting.

Asking simple questions about some posters teach their kids life skills has been odd on here. It's up to you if you do everything for them, up to a certain age then teach them what they need to know, but I really disagree that knowing how to budget, meal plan, cook clean hoover do laundry etc etc are obvious. I really do.

TheOneWithTheHair · 03/07/2012 14:13

The OP has made a choice to get her ds to make his own lunch. It's not that shocking really. I do think either he does it the night before or straight after breakfast is a good time to do it.

It will not do him any harm or steal away his childhood or not allow him to play or be a child. She's not asking him to do a household budget or such fgs.

chipmunksex · 03/07/2012 14:16

warriorqueen put it better than I could.

mil cooked, ironed, washed and cleaned for dh until the day he moved in with me at the age of 24. He did not have a clue and changed every item of clothing after every wear, could not change a light bulb or cook potatoes.

I see our 'job' as parents as preparing our children for adult life.

imnotmymum · 03/07/2012 14:17

Vital to "fend " for yourself! He is 10 and has ages before he needss to leave home and nip to the supermarket.we do not live in the caveman times where we had to kill zebras or something !!

WarriorQueen · 03/07/2012 14:19

no vital to learn how to ... you have to start somewhere.

Grin at killing a zebra !

AdventuresWithVoles · 03/07/2012 14:25

I make lunches night before so would push that as the routine if you must.

If I left DS12 to make own lunch he would never make it, always go hungry, get in habit of grabbing cereal bars instead if he rememberd anything. I'd have to spend so much time policing him making own lunch that I might as well just make it myself. These are things I know from bitter experience, other DC will go without lunch in a flash too, even though it makes them hysterica by 3pm. As long as I'm making lots of other lunches I will keeping making them for DS12 to be sure he has something.

pumpkinsweetie · 03/07/2012 14:26

Chipmunk-24yo is a hell of a lot of difference than a 10yo, your mil should be ashamed.
Even though i don't agree with primary my dcs making their own lunch, i can assure you by 16 they will know exactly how to take care of themselves and won't be flying the nest not knowing anything

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