To not chase after the fucking dog

[paradisechick]

We have a little west highland terrier. He's 3 and a bit of a pain in the arse. I wasn't keen on the whole dog thing but DH convinced me. It's an escape artist. Since I've been on maternity leave (14 weeks) I've had to search for him no less than 7 fucking times. Once when I was a week of my date he got out of the garden, across the fields and some kind person had him in their garden.

3 weeks ago he got out and was in the field opposite, I had to leg it halfway across said field to get him whilst the baby was sleeping.

Last week I realised he was missing just as I was heading out. Cue a wasted hour driving round the town until somene called me (his number is on my collar) and I went to meet the man to get the dog back. He was really pissed off and shouty at me.

So, my DH assures me he's made sure the garden is secure (again) and this morning I'm hanging out the washing. Dog with me. I came in to make up bottles then went to get the dog in before I sit down for 10 minutes. He's gone.

Baby sleeping, we've got plans today and I don't know what the fuck to do.

The dog obviously doesn't want to live with us. I phoned DH, he swore at me, like it's my fault for leaving the dog outside. DH never walks the dog (as was agreed) so it's not wonder the little shit takes itself out for a run. I didn't want a dog. Why do I have to spend my days running after it?! DH is working only about 5 miles away.

Would it be unreasonable for me to get on with my day as planned, if someone phones saying they've got him I'll pass the number onto DH. Or do I put the sleeping baby in the car and spend another day looking for him?

yep, agree that it's not unreasonable to be pissed off. I would be pissed off too.

but i'd sure as heck be out there looking for it and being pissed off, not posting on here about how i don't give a shit about whether it gets killed

Firstly - change the number on the dog's collar to your husband's mobile number. He needs to leave work and go chasing after the dog to get an appreciation of how much of your life this consumes.

Secondly - draw up a walkies timetable/reward chart. If dogs isn't walked twice a day by the person who wanted it (dh) tell dh that you will re-home it as you think it is neglectful not to exercise the animal sufficiently. Presumably you can deal with feeding the dog/vets trips/flea treatment/worming and poop clearance in the garden in return.

There is the option of tying the dog up with a long lead in the garden to prevent breakouts but this is not a happy lifestyle for the animal to live so please rehome the dog if you can. Your dh has had a chance to prove he will look after the dog and has been found wanting.

I feel sorry for both you and the dog. You clearly don't want him, but that's not necessarily why he keeps running away. Sometimes terriers just like a bit of me-time. The dog I have just now isn't like that, but his predecessor managed to dig his way out underneath a 12-foot fence when he realised there were no gaps out of his new home. He was a rescue dog whose owners had been persuaded by the local vet to rehome him because he kept wandering off and was always being taken by passers-by to the vet in case he caused an accident. Extra security measures and training helped sort that out, though he still went for the odd independent stroll if we took him to stay anywhere with an obvious exit. You have to bite the bullet here; commit properly to this dog or let him go to someone who can care for him properly.

I've got him.

I was always going to look for him. I'm just fed up and angry and venting. I had to feed the baby and genuinely did want to say fuck it and leave the dog to it. But I have a heart and probably do give a shit despite how I feel.

My dh turned his phone off which pissed me off even more. I do give a shit. I'm not evil. I'm just at the end of my tether. I'm sitting in my car with the dog and the baby and my plans for the day shot. I'm in tears I think its time for some decisions to be made. Dh isn't pulling his weight. Sure I could do the walks and get my nail bag out and fit a new fence. Sure, I'm perfectly capable of all that but why should I?

I probably was unreasonable expecting him to de all these things.

Thanks for calling me names.

Spero So it's ok that the OP posts herself that she doesn't give a shit about the dog so she is refusing to take any responsibility for it despite agreeing to have it?

Sorry, that is just not acceptable and if shes post that in AIBU she can hardly be surprised if she gets some posters pointing out to her why it isn't.

I really hope that the reason she appears to have left the thread is because she is out looking for the dog for which she has joint responsibility.

Calling her a cunt for it? No, not really accetable.

Ferris shall we wait and see if it causes a fatal car crash and then then call her a cunt?

Or perhaps she should stop making excuses and go an look for it before that possibly happens...

I think it is out of order of you husband to insist of getting a dog and then not take responsiblity for it. I would tell my husband to find a new home for the dog because it obviously isn't working out as he is not helping with it. You have enough on your plate with a new baby. Fair enough if you wanted one.

Who looked after the dog before you were on leave? Or did you get the dog when you took leave? I really don't think I would want to be getting to grips with owning a dog while having a newborn.

I feel sorry for you OP.

Your H is being a twat and should sort the fence out properly. He should also be walking the dog.

Our Jack russell, who is walked twice a day used to escape. I ended up phoning for someone to come and completely refence the garden after DH's many attempts to sort the fences himself.

This dog is going to be there for a long time. If your DH cannot step up and look after the pet he wanted, then I would rehome it.

seriously the op is an adult who agreed to have a dog, she should have said NO to her DP and never have a dog in the first place. She agreed therefore whilst she is at home with the dog she has equal responsibilty to that dog as her DP has, it is not his dog it is their dog as she willing brought this dog into her home.

She does not give a shit and so refuses to look for it, she has a legal and moral responsibilty to that dog and so ahe is being very U for not looking for it.

Why should you do those things? Well, for one thing it would make your life easier if incidents like today's were not happening. It seems to have caused you a lot of stress and upset, and it would be less likely to happen if you had a secure garden and a properly-exercised dog.

I agree you need to sit down with your DH when he comes home and talk about responsibilities, and maybe rehoming if necessary. You can't let things go on as they are, and while maybe it shouldn't be your responsibility to insist on things being sorted, someone has to do it. For everyone's sake, not least the poor dog's.

The husband has not forced her to have a dog. If she most certainly did not want one, no matter how much persuading that he could possibly do would not change her mind if she 100% did not want one.

If she did 100% did not want one, then she is still unreasonable for agreeing.

What if it was a child we was talking about? DH wanted one, OP wasn't sure. He talked her into it. Then when child arrives, is a bit older, the child keeps running off but on one occasion, the OP comes online to say she has had enough, doesn't give a shit, ringing the husband to basically say "This is your fault", I highly doubt anyone would be focusing on the husband initially.

What is paramount, no matter what the feelings are which are involved in both situations, is that the dog/child/others are safe and there are no accidents. The other issues should be considered and dealt with after.

Good you've got it OP

Now please re-home it and don't even consider accepting another dog into your home if you don't want one.

"Sure I could do the walks and get my nail bag out and fit a new fence. Sure, I'm perfectly capable of all that but why should I?"

Um, because he's a living creature who you agreed to take on and who you have as much responsibility for as your husband, perhaps?

And FFS don't get a zap collar as zzzzz suggests. For a million reasons that's a really bad, potentially dangerous idea. Finally, and I'm serious here, if you don't want the poor creature I'll gladly take him in, pm me.

Put your DH's work number and mobile number on the dog's collar.

Tell your DH he needs to make the garden properly secure with X weeks/days or you will be taking the dog to be rehomed.

OP if you post on AIBU that you don't give a shit and won't be responsible for your dog can you really be surprised when you get flamed?

Please go and call Dog's Trust right now. You don't want the dog, your OH won't take responsibility, do the right thing for everyone, including the dog and start the process of rehoming him now while he still has a good chance of finding a forever home that will treat him properly.

Please make that call now.

I feel sorry for the Op. I have two dogs, one big and the other a terrier and both are escape artists. The big one actually lets himself out of the window and jumps 10ft down. Now, after a pretty traumatic escape that resulted in the deaths of 7 lambs, they are in a big Fort Knox enclosure where they sit and howl like it's the worst thing in the world. Until I go in the house, when they promptly stop. Over the last 10 years I have run over hill and dale frantically looking for them. Yes, they have been to training classes, and even won prizes. But in their spare time they want to be dogs, cheerfully killing and chasing all manner of British wildlife. Me giving them a stroke and throwing a ball does not compete. In the house they are angels but outside the rules change. My babies are teenagers now, but I know i would have cheerfully driven them to the rehoming centre myself if I'd had them then. Have to say, my normally rational husband seems to be blind on this issue.

Posters are being very harsh to the OP.

She's only just had a baby, many of you are saying "I was walking the dog blah de blah" Well that doesn't mean she is capable. I couldn't have walked a dog for at least 8 weeks after having an horrendous birth. Cut her a bit of slack.

She also says she has already looked for it 7 times in 14 weeks. No wonder she is pissed off!

Oh no, don't cry - it'll be OK. Just get the dog rehomed ASAP. That way you can enjoy your maternity leave without worrying about it escaping or having to walk it or anything else, and you can concentrate on the baby. If you don't a dog - don't have one. I certainly wouldn't want some yappy terrier bothering me all day long.

Do as VolAuVent suggests. You can't be fairer than that can you?

I feel for you as it's not your fault. Our family labrador used to do this when i was a kid.
We had a huge garden with a river running along the back of it, she used to jump the fence and go splashing in the river, then walk along the river bank
She'd go off for hours around the village - I don't remember people phoning us to say they'd found her (even though she had a collar and name tag) She just used to come back herself after a few hours.
Looking back now, as an adult with my own puppy - I can see that my parents never did enough about it. She was not very well trained, would never come back when you shouted her - basically they had no control over her running away.
One day she ran off like she usually did but just never came back. Lost posters, rewards, driving round at all hours of the night for months on end.
We never did find out what happened to her, and as a 9 year old child that not knowing was harder to accept than knowing she had died or been re homed.
I think you either need to both commit to some serious training and better security around the garden, or re home the dog. This situation is not fair for any of you.

Good luck!

Why should you give a shit OP? Humanity. You are the human and the dog is a dog acting like a dog. You can take control of this situation. Actively look to rehome it, ignoring your DH's rather feeble attempts to block up the garden. In the meantime, walk the dog and while doing so, train it so that it listens to you. You don't as though you currently spend enough time with it for it to listen to you.

The dog will also know you don't like it, and being a young terrier, sounds bored out of its mind. Accept your plans might change for a little while. Its possible to learn so much from animals, so until you rehome it, you might as well do the right things while you still have it.

I do feel sorry for the dog. Would really hate that it should be run over on the road one day.

Sorry didn't see your post OP.

Glad you have the dog.

Can completely understand why you are angry.

Tell you H tonight that this is NOT happpening again. Go and get a new telephone disc for the dog today with your Hs no on it.

If you don't like or want this dog, start looking into rehoming today.
If you odo want to keep it, your H has to start taking it for walks and has ot get the garden refenced.