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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not chase after the fucking dog

294 replies

paradisechick · 03/07/2012 10:03

We have a little west highland terrier. He's 3 and a bit of a pain in the arse. I wasn't keen on the whole dog thing but DH convinced me. It's an escape artist. Since I've been on maternity leave (14 weeks) I've had to search for him no less than 7 fucking times. Once when I was a week of my date he got out of the garden, across the fields and some kind person had him in their garden.

3 weeks ago he got out and was in the field opposite, I had to leg it halfway across said field to get him whilst the baby was sleeping.

Last week I realised he was missing just as I was heading out. Cue a wasted hour driving round the town until somene called me (his number is on my collar) and I went to meet the man to get the dog back. He was really pissed off and shouty at me.

So, my DH assures me he's made sure the garden is secure (again) and this morning I'm hanging out the washing. Dog with me. I came in to make up bottles then went to get the dog in before I sit down for 10 minutes. He's gone.

Baby sleeping, we've got plans today and I don't know what the fuck to do.

The dog obviously doesn't want to live with us. I phoned DH, he swore at me, like it's my fault for leaving the dog outside. DH never walks the dog (as was agreed) so it's not wonder the little shit takes itself out for a run. I didn't want a dog. Why do I have to spend my days running after it?! DH is working only about 5 miles away.

Would it be unreasonable for me to get on with my day as planned, if someone phones saying they've got him I'll pass the number onto DH. Or do I put the sleeping baby in the car and spend another day looking for him?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 03/07/2012 11:01

theenthusiastictroll it's a deal! maybe we could have a dog-share.

OP pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease let us have him

TheCunningStunt · 03/07/2012 11:01

Could you hire a dog walker? If you or your DH won't? At least until it gets a new home? Poor dog is bored out of its tree!

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 03/07/2012 11:02

yes I love that idea a dog share, it would so work.

FerrisBueller1972 · 03/07/2012 11:02

Hit reply too soon!

Rehome the dog, its the kindest thing for the dog, he's bored and not getting the attention he needs.

You might not give a shit about it and I understand why you are frustrated but do the right thing please.

thisisyesterday · 03/07/2012 11:02

dog walker is a great idea. and maybe pay someone to come and sort the fence out

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2012 11:02

Ferris if you agree to have an animal in your home then you agree to accept responsibility for it.

Even if you disagree with that, the OP can still go and look for it before it kills itself or someone else!

And if her Husband is inept at DIY, the OP clearly is too.

Shullbit · 03/07/2012 11:03

*rehome

Bloody autocorrect.

MimsyBorogroves · 03/07/2012 11:04

Personally? If your husband can't be arsed with the dog he wanted, gets arsey at you for it getting out, and you really don't want to commit the time to looking after it, then I would go out now, find it, and take it to the nearest rehoming centre.

Or you could dog proof the garden. If you can't do that today because of the baby, how about buying a tether and long lead for the garden for something in the meantime, until this gets sorted? Pet shops, wilkos, etc all do them for reasonable prices. Or take the dog out for wees etc in the garden on a lead, and bring him straight back into the house. It's not ideal for a young, active dog, but it's better than roaming.

GrahamTribe · 03/07/2012 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Itchywoolyjumper · 03/07/2012 11:04

OP, you sound like its all a bit too much for you, with the baby and the dog. I feel for you, they're both really hard work and if your DH isn't pulling his weight no wonder you feel like this. However, this is resentment at your DH and you can't let the poor wee dog suffer for it.
We've always had terriers and they are awful for doing a runner, one of ours climbed a 5ft high chicken wire fence. Someone else mentioned about having him neutered, this is a great idea. Our wee guy could have escaped a black hole if he caught so much of a sniff of a bitch in heat.
The running line is also a good idea.

Although you didn't really agree to having the dog, right now you have responsibility for him and you have to go and look for him. Even if you don't give a shit about the dog, if he causes an accident, savages livestock or, God forbid, a bites child you will have to take the full consequences because you are currently in charge of him.

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2012 11:05

dog walker is a great idea. and maybe pay someone to come and sort the fence out

But the dog still gets to live it's life with two people who genuinely couldn't give a shit about it from the sound of things?

It deserves better than that imo.

And how long before the OP is complaining the 'little shit' is trying to play with the baby when it starts crawling etc?

LentillyFart · 03/07/2012 11:05

Please don't tell me to 'back off' ferris. Unless you wish to back the fuck off too? I don't care what her husband is or is not doing. I care that a frightened dog is out somewhere with a better than average chance of getting killed by a car and possibly causing a fatal accident too. She's got a new baby? Well here - have a listen to my tune of woe on the world's smallest violin. It may have escaped your notice but a small baby is - a small baby - not a life limiting handicap!

chipsandmushypeas · 03/07/2012 11:05

Yanbu. Call your 'd'h back and tell him his dog he wanted so badly has run away again and he had better look for it. You have a new baby to look after

Ephiny · 03/07/2012 11:07

You need to make the garden properly secure - in the meantime if he needs to go into the garden to poo/wee, you can take him out there on a long lead so he can't escape. Definitely don't leave him in the garden unsupervised.

Terriers might be small, but they're not the easiest of dogs, and they do need a fair amount of exercise and mental stimulation otherwise you start to get problems. You should be able to train him to walk properly on the lead with a bit of patience and persistence, start with a short lead so he can't get it too tangled. Start in the garden/house if you need to. Training should be easier if/when he's getting regular exercise, as he won't be so full of pent-up energy and frustration.

I get that you didn't want the dog in the first place, and you're feeling resentful about your DH failing to take responsibility, but the dog is not at fault here and you both have a duty of care to him. You agreed, however reluctantly, to have the dog. Then you chose to have a baby as well.

If you want to look into rehoming, then it's a possibility - the dog is relatively young, a small breed, has lived with children etc, so has a better chance than some. But it's unlikely a rescue place or a suitable home will come up immediately, so you'd also have to think of ways to care for him and make your life manageable in the short term.

McKayz · 03/07/2012 11:08

TheCunningStunt, no it isn't a contest but the New Mum stuff is bollocks. You can't just say "Oh I've had a baby therefore I can ignore my pets and not give a shit if my dog gets hit by a car"

thisisyesterday · 03/07/2012 11:08

worra yes,. maybe. I guess I'm kind of hoping that as the DH wanted the dog and has managed to train it quite well (when it's with him) that maybe he does actually want it and that if it was a bit more manageable then the OP would be happier with it

probably not though :(

it would solve the problem for the time being though.

Spero · 03/07/2012 11:09

I always read these threads in fascinated horror. someone comes on saying they don't like dogs or are having a problem with dogs - they are clearly not total bastards because they are on here asking for advice - and the dog lovers brigade pile in, frothing, using language like 'cunt' 'disgrace' etc.

Just what do you think you are achieving? The problem here is the husband who clearly made a lot of false promises and needs to step up, either care for his pet the way he promised or rehome.

I still recall one thread where I got abuse for agreeing yes I would kill a dog that unpredictably bit people. No one ever changed their mind through being called a cunt.

I think it is said not to see this kind of passion on threads about children being mistreated - on the last one a sizeable number of posters were telling op to mind her own business when she witnessed a child being assaulted.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 03/07/2012 11:09

Op already said the dog is ok with DH and he walks it.

Shullbit · 03/07/2012 11:11

Thing is, if I was busy at work and DP rang me up to inform moan/rant me that the dog had yet again had ran away, I would be a bit narked off. HE would be the one at home who can go look for it. I couldn't be expected to keep leaving work to look around for a dog just because he had made other plans.

I would be thinking, "Hang on. You KNOW what the dog is like, and you left it unattended in the garden, and you are now shocked that it has yet again, done his favourite trick? And you are ringing me up, at work, why? Because you want to go for a coffee with a friend and don't give a toss that the animal could end up dead, cause a terrible accident? Feck off you heartless bastard!!"

helenthemadex · 03/07/2012 11:12

some of you are being a bit harsh towards the OP and her attitude towards the dog she didn't want the dog her dh did, and now it seems that he has left the responsibility to her, not fair or easy if she didn't want it and is not a dog person. I would be pissed off in her situation

the fairest thing to do is others have suggested is rehome it,

thisisyesterday · 03/07/2012 11:12

spero, i think the issue here though is that RIGHT NOW the OP is refusing to go and look for the dog because she doesn't "give a shit"

so yes, someone with that attitude deserves a flaming.

she came on asking should she go and look for it, and when everyone said yes she said she didn't care, wouldn't, didn't want it etc etc

mangomadness · 03/07/2012 11:12

Rehome the dog. Do it sooner rather than later for both the dog and yourself.
It's obviously going to cause issues between your dh and yourself when you need to be a team for your baby. Also dogs react to atmosphere and he'll get messed up living with people who don't care. Ring rescue centres and if they can't take him, book him into a boarding kennels until a centre can take him. That way he'll be walked and looked after. Best for everybody.

FerrisBueller1972 · 03/07/2012 11:12

Yes she can go and look for it, I can also appreciate why shes pissed off if this is the 7th time she has had to do so recently because actually she doesn't really want a dog. Having a rant on here, ok it wont find the dog I know that. Calling her a cunt for it? No, not really accetable.

Solutions to the problem, yes. Get off your arse and go find the dog, yes.

Wake a sleeping baby because you have to go and find said dog, yes I'd be pissed off too. At husband probably!

cabbagesoup · 03/07/2012 11:12

YABU I'm with the rehome thread here.

The poor dog, walk the dog you may find you enjoy it? and of course you need to go an find him.

thisisyesterday · 03/07/2012 11:13

and the fact is, regardless of whether or not she wanted it, she agreed to get one. and if she is the one at home then yes, she should look for it

are you all saying you expect the husband to leave work and come and do it for her?