To not chase after the fucking dog

[paradisechick]

We have a little west highland terrier. He's 3 and a bit of a pain in the arse. I wasn't keen on the whole dog thing but DH convinced me. It's an escape artist. Since I've been on maternity leave (14 weeks) I've had to search for him no less than 7 fucking times. Once when I was a week of my date he got out of the garden, across the fields and some kind person had him in their garden.

3 weeks ago he got out and was in the field opposite, I had to leg it halfway across said field to get him whilst the baby was sleeping.

Last week I realised he was missing just as I was heading out. Cue a wasted hour driving round the town until somene called me (his number is on my collar) and I went to meet the man to get the dog back. He was really pissed off and shouty at me.

So, my DH assures me he's made sure the garden is secure (again) and this morning I'm hanging out the washing. Dog with me. I came in to make up bottles then went to get the dog in before I sit down for 10 minutes. He's gone.

Baby sleeping, we've got plans today and I don't know what the fuck to do.

The dog obviously doesn't want to live with us. I phoned DH, he swore at me, like it's my fault for leaving the dog outside. DH never walks the dog (as was agreed) so it's not wonder the little shit takes itself out for a run. I didn't want a dog. Why do I have to spend my days running after it?! DH is working only about 5 miles away.

Would it be unreasonable for me to get on with my day as planned, if someone phones saying they've got him I'll pass the number onto DH. Or do I put the sleeping baby in the car and spend another day looking for him?

I have a terrier, as some of you might know by occassional posts about him

He used to have a metal crate. We couldn't for the life of us figure out how he was escaping the locked crate, so we decided to spy on him one day. There was one bar missing. Just one. Which left a three inch gap, barely big enough to fit his head through, but he managed to squeeze out one limb at a time

The bar was missing because he pulled it off.

If a terrier wants to escape it will. They can jump, climb, dig, squeeze themselves through holes that are half their normal body size.

The dog really should not be left alone in the garden. At all.

Recall with terriers can be hit and miss. Mine is okay until he spots something to chase and then he can neither see nor hear me. All he sees is what he is chasing. It doesn't mean we don't regularly practise recall in the vain hope that one day he might finally Get. It.

I can recall him back when he squeezes through the door or slips his collar, so long as he doesn't spot a squirell or a cat, even then it's not that hard, squirells and cats are quite clever and much faster than him and tend to hot foot it up the first available tree, when I can go and retrieve my snarling dog from the base of the tree. It's rabbits I need to be careful for. Those things seem like they want to be eaten most of the time

He does try to escape less often when he's had a proper run, which given his love of chasing small furries, including cats, is not easy to do. We go on long walks and incorporate training into them to keep him busy. Games of fetch in secure fields (with a long line on just in case) and if all that fails there is always the bike lead. A half hour run by the side of the bike is enough to knock him out all day.

Terriers need a lot of exercise and a lot of mental stimulation. If they're not given it they'll find their own work to do, such as escaping and looking for something to hunt.

If you are not willing to do this then it's fairer for the dog to rehomed responsibly via a no kill rescue, but bear in mind these rescue are fit burst full of dogs that do not have the loving home that yours does and there are also thousands of pounds dogs at any one time, at risk of being pts that need the space your dog would fill.

Feel a bit better about mine now I've moaned about him.

Unfortunately, because they are small dogs, people often confuse them with easy dogs. Which, anyone who knows terriers will confirm is simply not the case. For sure, much larger breeds can be very much more compliant and eminently easier to train. I'd not be without my JRT (and am enormously fond of terriers of all kinds) but for sure, they can be a challenge and need firm, kind and consistent training. Which they may, or may not decide to ignore at times. A friend of mine once said that if you compared a terrier to a stick of seaside rock, it'd say "Fuck You" all the way through.

Too many terriers need rehoming precisely because inadequate research was done before bringing one home. It rather sounds as if this was the case with the OP's dog.

Thanks for all the replies and sharing experiences.

I'm going to look into a tether just now for the back garden so I can relax a little. I'm going to speak to dh tonight.

I don't want to do the walking because I'm actually quite scared of dogs. We live near a couple of popular dog walking areas but I wouldn't feel comfortable because many are off the lead. This was all talked about before we got the dog.

That's another issue I need to work on and it has got better since we got the dog. I've always been ok with dogs I know but think every other dog bigger than nine is out to maul me!

OP YANBU.

Your DH has to do his fair share.

It is a shame that you got a flaming. I think a lot of posters were too harsh on you.

Glad you found him and hope that you get something sorted soon.

I'm ever more surprised that your DH got this dog. He must realise that you are scared of them.

We talked about all that and he was good, we spent time with his friends and their 2 similar dogs and I built up some confidence but always said I wouldn't be happy doing proper walks because of other dogs.

What about enrolling on an obedience course, childcare withstanding.

All dogs will be on leashes and there will be help nearby in the form of experienced trainers if you do start to panic.

It will help to build up your confidence and give you greater control over the dog and help provide some much needed exercise, socialisation and mental stimulation to your dog.

OP, I empathize with your whole "don't want a dog but DH does and now I have to take care of it" situation. My DH presented me with a puppy when I was 7 months pregnant and had an 18 month old at home. And yes, I did feel resentful of his shenanigans.

On the other hand... My dog disappeared last week and it honestly felt like my whole world fell apart. None of us could sleep, or concentrate and we've been spending every spare moment ringing kennels and vets and postering and crying about it. I am so gutted and distraught about it, and I feel awful that I was ever grumpy about him. Sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone.

Yanbu not to be pissed off at being left to do the main care of a delinquent dog whom you didn't want in the first place.
Yabu to not go look for the dog leaving it in danger, and potentially a danger to others.
Sorry but the dog is in your household and as adult, he is therefore your responsibility until you can find him a new home. Please take him to a rescue for his sake and yours. Bollocks to your dh's inevitable objections, if he can't be arsed to make the garden secure and to give HIS dog the exwecise and stimulation it obviously needs, then you take matters into your hands and find the dog a new home. Take the dog to a rescue, and don't tell him where. Yes that's shitty but if he won't take responsibility himself then tough titty.

paradise I think it would be great if you could build a rapport with the dog, walk him, train him and overcome your fear of other dogs.....

But let's get real, you have one DS and a new baby and your OH won't accept his share of the responsibility of the dog he talked you into getting? Have you really got the time and energy to put into this? Or even the inclination?

Don't you think it would be best for everyone if you rehome while your dog is still young enough to be rehomed.

I remember a thread not that long ago where the OP was trying to persuade her DH to get a dog when he really was not keen at all. Loads of the doggy folk on here came on agreeing with that OP that her DH was being terribly unreasonable and thinking of ways for her to persuade him into it. And look, a thread where someone who wasn't keen on getting a dog has been persuaded into having one and it's an utter disaster.

And everyone is having a go at her and saying she was irresponsible to agree to it!!!!

Her DH is at fault here. OP you need to get rid of the dog. It's not fair on it or people who might come across it when it's on the loose and your DS and DH will just have to get over it.

rehome him with someone who can cope with him and has a secure garden and actually wants him

where in the country are you?

My dog is a nightmare for escaping from the garden, he's a beagle cross and he
can jump the fence, even though I made it higher to about five feet. I keep him on a long lead if he asks out, but he gets long, long walks as I live in a remote area so he can run free.
I'm now in negotiation to get a failsafe fence in my garden as he's learnt to slip his collar now.
Like you OP, I've had to go out to search for him, it's fine for me but I don't have a young baby.
I agree that re homing is a good idea, he needs somebody that has time for him, which neither you or your DH have.

Well, I bought a pony and I can't even ride! THAT'S how irresponsible I am. Pony did whatever it felt like,continually broke out of its paddock, broke my finger and stalked me around the fields, springing gleefully out of hedges and making me squeal. Now she is living up the road with a small determined girl who adores her and takes no shit. We did love each other though .... Everybody's happy. All part of life in the countryside. End of story.

Paradise I'm sure you've had enough today, but I just wanted to add the following, based on what I've gathered from your posts (not everyone elses). I live above an animal rescue centre. Our kennels are full of unwanted dogs that have been treated appallingly, both intentionally and through horrific neglect (I should add that this centre runs differently from find home centres).

Whatever has been said about you on this thread, you are not this, but you don't sound like a dog person! However, if you want to have a relationship with this dog, and have him listen to you, you will have to do some form of training with him, I personally think positive training is best, lots of rewards/praise/etc, but this takes time, and I can completely understand that this is not a priority for you at the moment, although it is easy to do. It's also something that you have to do consistently, not just attend a 10 week training session.
Your DH let you down today, and it's as simple as that. Yes, obviously you should have gone looking for your dog, but he should've come home from work to help you too. Particularly as terriers are bloody marvellous at finding exits where none previously existed.
If you do decide to keep your dog, your DH is going to have to help you out in the morning with a walk for him and when he gets in from work, until you're confident walking with him by yourself. He convinced you to get the dog, and as other people have said, it was your choice too, but he was the main driving force, therefore, he needs to be helping out the most. I should add, that this won't stop the escape artist routine, but it might chill the dog out a bit more. I'm sure you're aware, but the whole point of terriers is that they dig to get the prey... Changing natural behaviours is really difficult!
I hope you've managed to relax a bit after your stressful day, I know what it's like when dogs go missing and it's horrible.

Have just read this thread so sorry if i'm a bit late. But i just wanted to say be careful with a tether. Our friends dog kept escaping and they tethered it in the garden but it managed to get caught up and hang itself. It was a boxer tho - so much bigger than a Westie.

OP i do feel for you. When i was 14 my parents got an English Setter and purposely didn't train her as they liked her naughty. However, they also expected me to do all the looking after. So i would have to walk the dog, chase her over gardens etc. She chewed everything i owned and tore all my coats. She wouldn't let me watch the tv as would bark in front of it. If i was reading or just sitting on the sofa she would climb right on top of me. I wasn't allowed to say no as M&D thought everything she did was endearing.

She ate all my make up. I wasn't allowed out at friends in the holidays as i had to be at home with her all day. I had to come home from school every lunchtime and straight after to be with her. It was horrible. And i AM a doggy person. I entirely blame my parents for putting me in that situation. And even now they piss themselves about how unhappy i was because of the 'cheeky' dog and if i say anything i am exaggerating. It was like being bullied in your own home. I used to dread walking thru the door to see what else she had done, which i then had to clean up or get the blame for.

That is why I could never have a dog. They stink up the home as well. OP you did the right thing - your baby first. Re-home the dog.

paradisechick, look in the dog house I started a thread in your honour, to make you love your little terrier. :) I was also scared of any dogs bigger than my terrier when I got her.
BelleMarie for example is a ....

She ate all my make-up Spuddybean, it sounds like you had a really hard time and your parents sound like PITA's but that bit's quite funny. Sorry. :/ My friends lurcher sucked the flock off her DD's Sylvanians, one by one. They looked like they had mange.

Well minky i'm used to normal doggy naughtiness, all my childhood teddies have chewed off noses etc. But the dog we got when i was 14 was a league of its own.

She tore down and destroyed the curtains, chewed all the carpets, ripped apart the cushions on the sofa, destroyed every pair of shoes i owned (always only 1 of each pair so i had the perfect one mocking me), She scratched on my bedroom door every night so i couldn't sleep, if i let her in my room she terrorised me, she helped herself to our dinner (which m&d that was hilarious and i was a nasty bitch if i didn't share my food with her). She killed my rabbit and brought its head to me while i was sitting in the bath.

The list really does go on. I obviously don't blame her tho i blame my parents. And i did still love her. But i was given no say in their decision to get her despite having a lot of the responsibility for her. When you are 14 you don't really need that.

Re-home the dog. if you put an advert here - www.gumtree.co.uk.

Gumtree is free to post an advert. The dog will be gone in days. There are some responsible pet lovers looking for dogs and other pets to love and care for on there. Vet their homes first. I gave my friend's rabbit away (at her request) to a lovely family a few weeks ago.

Very late coming to this thread, sorry.
OP I think you posted in anger and exasperation and at certain points you posted things that were unreasonable. But I can sympathise, and it sounds as if you now know things need to change.

I am in a similar-ish situation. Agreed to look after a friend's dog for 6 months while she had her 1st baby- I had met the dog before (he had stayed here with friend) and he had been absolutely lovely, kind with the kids, trained etc. Friend said that if any problems arose, she'd take him back straight away.
From day 1, dog has pined for friend, shits and pisses in the house several times a day even if he's had massive long walks, has bared his teeth at my DC. He now has to live in a certain part of the house away from the children, and I have to clean up after him constantly. Friend has made various excuses not to take him back or take any responsibility, so I've found a very good single friend who works from his home who will take him from August.
Sounds like your DH, like my friend, agreed to do things that he then didn't do.
I am a total doggy person, but I can honestly say that I've never been as down as I have been since this dog arrived. He is a lovely animal, it's not his fault, but to have to scrape shit three times a day, to be constantly aware that he's unhappy and pining, is very very hard. I never thought it would be like this. And I have had several dogs before.