To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

Holmes: "And where, Watson, is your evidence"?

Watson: "Well, erm, Holmes. I, erm, I..."

Holmes: Come along Watson. You know my methods. Sift the evidence, evaluate the alternatives. When one has exhausted the possible, then the impossible becomes a probability.

Watson: Well Holmes, I interviewed JumpingThroughHoops most carefully and her considered opinion was " I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct "

Holmes: Alimentary my dear Watson, indeed one might almost say, a load of c**p.

cherries what have you taught her to do about them? What if she simply doesn't like her teacher... What then? Does she like all her teachers?

Exactly, see the Chris Jefferies (landord of Jo Yeates) example.

Oh, fair enough. You emailed the school not because you were implying he is a paedophile. You emailed because... well, I'm not really sure what you are implying if it wasn't that you are concerned that the man may be a danger to children.

There was a fella on the bus today who kept smiling at six year old DS. As we got off to get off, he smiled at us both and started talking to me in an odd way. For a second I thought he was dodgy then I realised he clearly just had special needs and smiled and chatted back.

I seem to be about to disagree with the majority verdict.
If op is right and there is something amiss about this person,then she will have done the right thing.
if the op is wrong,and the school/police whoever,talk to this man and he is perfectly innocent,then he shouldnt mind having been questioned.
Or am I missing something myself?
Disclaimer.If op goes around doing this sort of thing every day of the week,then there would be a problem.

'I don't know Holy I stopped going into the cafe'

Well that's not really a very good example then is it? You once had a gut feeling, and as far as we know he was a completely innocent man?!

Some people are paedophiles absolutely and if you witness truly suspicious behaviour report it.

Talking to someone you probably know on a train
Talking to an adult man at sports day
Waiting at a bus stop

None of this is suspicious behaviour and if you can't see this Cherries, then I think you may be more paranoid than you're willing to admit.

Does you dad, brother, DH ever stand at a bus stop? Speak to people on trains? Go to sports day and talk to a Dad? Have you reported them? Better to be safe than sorry after all.

You are missing something..

then he shouldnt mind having been questioned

Nah, he won't mind at all! He'll be fine about being described as a potential child molester in an unsecure school email too.

And then the vigilantes will hound him....

I think if we see a man, alone, with no obvious kids...we should probably set fire to them or something. Because they are most likely to be BAD

Perhaps a bus had just been and he was the first person at the stop?

Perhaps he doesn't like to blabber on/boast about his kids all the time and was just just being polite/bored shitless listening to the other bloke? Perhaps that bloke was his brother and he was there as an uncle?

Perhaps the lady on the train was his friend? Especially as she seemed familiar with him and seemed to trust him.

No wait, far more likely that he is a paedo. What exactly do you expect the school to do?

don't be ridiculous AnyoneForTennis I am not talking about just not getting on with someone, I am talking about people making you feel uncomfortable. She is a very happy, friendly, well adjusted little girl and I am a confident woman but I do not think it is overly paranoid to talk about this sometimes with your child. I want her to know that she can talk about her feelings unlike me when I was a child who was forced to have lifts from my neighbour when I already felt uncomfortable/unsafe about that.

Thanks for all the deeply dismissive comments, some really nice caring, empathic people here tonight. Time for a MN sabbatical I think.

If the man is a parent,guardian,or realtive of one of the children,the school might recognise him from the description given.

Cherries,try not to take it personally.
It may well be someone else tomorrow night.
Sometimes they may act in groups.

Still, I will know who is talking out their arse in future, so it has fulfilled some purpose* :o

I remember a while ago, during the height of the paedosteria, a protest against an alleged sex offenders house. About 100 people with kids gathered to chant, shout, swear and hound outside this middle aged guy's house where he lived with his wife and teenage child.

No-one I questioned (I was a trainee reporter at the time) knew for sure the details of his case. They'd just heard he was a sex offender who'd recently moved into the area. I don't know if there was any truth in the rumours but, clearly, neither did they.

It was the ugliest, most heartbreaking thing I have ever personally witnessed.

Cherries I for one wouldn't want you to feel like that. And I'm sorryifthis thread has made you feel bad...I am with you as far as protecting our kids from our own experience...

I just don't get what this man has done.

Cherries this is a strange thread, and indeed a strange evening on MN. I'm sorry for your bad experience and I for one agree with you.

'they might act in groups'

WTAF????

Well what would you do if it WAS a teacher who made your child feel uncomfortable?

All very well and good telling kids about feeling this way, but what would you actually do about it?

I'm sorry for your experience too Cherries, genuinely, and I feel bad you've been drawn into this.

But I also feel sorry for the guy in the OP.