To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

How do you think the fella got away with talking to another bloke at the school without mentioning his own kid? Do you not think that alarm bells would've rung if he was suspicious when the man was actually talking to him? Very wrong to email the school.

'disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct'

Why say this then?

Did you catch a glimpse of his socks at all? They can be a dead giveaway, I find.

flip flops. sockless ones.

red flags/something not right/contacted the school/gut feeling

outside a school/at school sports day/asking about children/on train with children/made child cry/winding children up

No that doesn't imply you were thinking paedo, not at all. You could have been worried he was flogging pirate DVD's or he was planning a bank robbery.

bobble that was the best idea I agree but given that OP didn't do that I don't think she was BU. I actually think that those 3 incidents are odd. I am a very chatty, outgoing person but i wouldn't get into long, over familiar conversations with families I didn't know on a train, carrying their suitcases etc. I think it is unusual to be seen doing the same thing, eliciting info about a family without giving any info himself. Why wouldn't he say "Oh, my child is in Year 10 she is over there"? It doesn't make any sense.

I'm sorry, I'm absolutely NOT a paranoid kind of person who imagines this about people left right and centre but I have had this feeling also a few times about people and I don't think you ought to just ignore it. There was a young guy who worked in a cafe near our house and the way he behaved with my DD (who was very young at the time) seemed very unnatural and alerted something in me. My DP noticed it too. We are both very friendly people who love kids and chat to them too but this was different. I was assaulted by a neighbour when I was a child and it has not made me paranoid but it has made me sensitive to that "gut feeling" as an adult.

You are not BU, your gut instinct is powerful for a reason. Well done, would always do the same. Good call, he sounds very suspicious and if not then he will be fine but it does sound like grooming to me.

If you see him again, stalk him, get the evidence and then report back to us.

I just want to repeat what was mentioned up thread about people with LD/SN

They may not interact the same way as you would expect

Grooming of what/whom??

YANBU, even if you are wrong noone is hurt. If you are right, kids are saved.

Follow it through!

'i wouldn't get into long, over familiar conversations with families I didn't know on a train'

She doesn't know he didn't know them. She thinks he might not have known them. She's jumping to conclusions and now so are you.

'Why wouldn't he say "Oh, my child is in Year 10 she is over there"?'

Maybe the other dad knew his children already? Maybe the OP missed him saying it, she wasn't part of the conversation just eavesdropping?

'There was a young guy who worked in a cafe near our house and the way he behaved with my DD (who was very young at the time) seemed very unnatural and alerted something in me. My DP noticed it too'

and....? Did he turn out to be a paedo or a murderer? Or an innocent bloke working in a cafe?

whenever you are worried, let people know. better to be safe than sorry. contact the police, too. other people might have seen him behaving suspiciously.

over familiar conversations with families I didn't know on a train Maybe he knew them. The evidence would suggest that more.

eliciting info about a family He wasn't eliciting according to the OP, the guy was just chatting to him. There could have been any reason he didn't respond in kind, maybe the chatty guy was just a boasty bore.

Who's he grooming cockpark, the dad at sports day?

about what Lemarch? All the flip flop wearing, chatty paedos at bus stops? I don't think I can

Actually on reflection I think he should have been reported but only if he looked well dodgy, like this guy: www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/dec/31/chris-jefferies

www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/dec/31/chris-jefferies

I don't know Holy I stopped going into the cafe. Please don't flippant, I was always very uncomfortable with my neighbour as a child and could never communicate that to my parents because they were friends with him and he did sexually assault me. No, not everyone is a peadophile but SOME people are. Have you NEVER had that feeling about a person?

Please excuse me while I punch myself in the face.

Ok, i will teach my DD to ignore any uncomfortable feelings she might have in the future in case she might come across as being rude or judgemental. Would that be a better idea?

I missed a bus once.

I'll join you Gin :o

You can potentially destroy someone's life by having these dodgy 'feelings' about people...how do you feel about that?