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AIBU?

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Original poster

To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

999 replies

JumpingThroughHoops · 30/06/2012 18:38

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really Grin

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

OP posts:
whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 30/06/2012 22:40

I don't think it's unreasonable to touch on the subject of bystander apathy in this thread, Gibbous.

whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 30/06/2012 22:42

She didn't say it was comparable, she said:

"Fwiw, I think too many people are too slow to act on suspicions."

and then said she didn't know herself if she would have acted had she been a witness to the Bulger abduction.

Gibbous · 30/06/2012 22:43

Sorry When, that wasn't aimed at you, we crossed! No, it's not unreasonable to bring it up, I was referencing a previous post :)

Original poster
JumpingThroughHoops · 30/06/2012 22:45

Oh for the love of God, are you lot still mithering on about this?

OP posts:
Gibbous · 30/06/2012 22:45

Crossed again! I think we were agreeing earlier anyway.

I think gut instinct is often misdirected and in this case, when there is nothing else to back it up, I happen to disagree with the OP.

Gibbous · 30/06/2012 22:46

Oh for the love of God, are you lot still mithering on about this?

Absolutely PRICELESS!

complexnumber · 30/06/2012 22:46

So, you have sent the e-mail now. Who do you think has read this before the HT? No doubt a secretary, maybe even two. Maybe they are parents them selves, or know friends who are.

Do you have any idea how quickly rumours spread around a school community, the description of the man you helpfully included in your e-mail could easily have been passed around hundreds of families by now.

Maybe some poor innocent bloke is now going to get pointed at in the streets because of your e-mail. Maybe he is going to receive much more.

Why-oh-why did you not send your suspicions and observations to the police?

I am staggered by the posts that support your action.

whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 30/06/2012 22:47

I disagree with her too Gibbous, I wouldn't have contacted the school about it and I don't understand why it would be so unusual for him to be at a bus stop without a child. So were agree Smile

Sparks1 · 30/06/2012 22:49

Oh for the love of God, are you lot still mithering on about this?

I'd still like to know how i was gender aligning for sympathy and attention like.....

whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 30/06/2012 22:49

to be fair, complexnumber, if his description is circulated widely then that's a failure of data protection on the part of the school, surely? Not the fault of the OP. Schools must deal with all manner of confidential information.

emsyj · 30/06/2012 22:50

What an obnoxious post, OP. If you don't want people to engage with and discuss your issue, why post about it?

bobbledunk · 30/06/2012 22:51

I don't understand why you didn't just ask him which child was his at the sports day, you would have immediately found out whether he was a parent/step parent/uncle/member of staff.... or someone who has no good reason to be there.

If it turned out that he was no relation to any child there or was not working there, then it would have been appropriate to alert the school, not before getting your facts straight.

SoleSource · 30/06/2012 22:53

OP Can I just ask....Would you have the same gut instincts, if the suspect was female?

bobbledunk · 30/06/2012 22:54

Oh and the email was wrong, once you got your facts straight and assuming your suspicions were correct, you could have had a word with the principal.

Original poster
JumpingThroughHoops · 30/06/2012 22:55

Do you have any idea how quickly rumours spread around a school community, the description of the man you helpfully included in your e-mail could easily have been passed around hundreds of families by now.

Are you implying school staff gossip? OMG! Never in a million years!!

why did you not send your suspicions and observations to the police?

OMG! the police have the gossip gene removed?

OP posts:
AnyoneForTennis · 30/06/2012 22:56

You are being defensive op, because you now realise you were in the wrong.

Sparks1 · 30/06/2012 22:57

I think it's safe to say the threads been exposed as a complete load of shite then...

LemarchandsBox · 30/06/2012 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyoneForTennis · 30/06/2012 22:58

And as for 'still mithering on' this thread will run and run, not every mumsnetter is in the uk. It will be added to all night.

Gibbous · 30/06/2012 22:58

OP your defensiveness is betraying you.

AnyoneForTennis · 30/06/2012 22:59

sparks a made up thread?

Original poster
JumpingThroughHoops · 30/06/2012 23:00

At no point did I imply the chap was a paedo - MN inference is out of my hands. All the way along I have pointed out I was unsure why the situation cause flags to flare up.

OP posts:
AnyoneForTennis · 30/06/2012 23:01

No.... You made clear references to grooming

complexnumber · 30/06/2012 23:01

to be fair, complexnumber, if his description is circulated widely then that's a failure of data protection on the part of the school WYSIWOC.

One would hope you are correct, but I still feel the OP made a gross error of judgement in sending that e-mail to the school.

I have a feeling that there may too be many who are privy to what was sent.

(Call it my gut instinct)

LemarchandsBox · 30/06/2012 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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