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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

999 replies

JumpingThroughHoops · 30/06/2012 18:38

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really Grin

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

OP posts:
tinkerbel72 · 02/07/2012 21:16

Thanks damsel for your "concern" about me and my children .
Your post, along with the ops disgusting reference to hoping my children meet someone unsavoury, confirms that those who are banging on loudest about protecting children actually have some fairly malicious thoughts.

For the record, whatever the rights and wrongs and disagreements on here, I do NOT hope anyone else's children meet someone harmful. I have seen the harm that abuse does and unlike jumpingthrouhhhoops i don't wish it on anyone

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 21:16

The OP has been called a troll. The playground came out at her response. I understand her frustration at being taunted and snapping back. There she was concerned about kids and being told not to. So she feels, ok, let it happen to yours if you don't want anyone to care enough to put themselves out and report their concerns. I get where she is coming from. I just don't think it was nice said out loud.

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 21:17

There you go Tinks, putting words in my mouth.

Gibbous · 02/07/2012 21:19

I don't think it was nice even being thought. I think it was revolting even being thought. I'm not using this simply to bash the OP but I do think it demonstrates an not exactly reasonable mind and therefore pulls into question the reliability of her gut instincts.

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 21:20

So you've never tried to help anyone and they've not wanted your help and you've not thought, well I wont help and see what happens?

pumpkinsweetie · 02/07/2012 21:21

Anyway opinions aside, what happened op?, was your suspisions correct or not?

mayorquimby · 02/07/2012 21:21

JumpingThroughHopps,you are to be congratulated.Congratulated for ....

Wishing sexual abuse on other peoples children because they disagreed with her.

tinkerbel72 · 02/07/2012 21:21

No damsel. You made a sarcastic comment about 'of course ' my children will be ok , implying that because i don't think paedophiles lurk on every corner, we are in some sort of bubble.

No ones children are immune from abuse. Which is why we all have a responsibility to educate our children and to deal with situations appropriately NOT gossip mongering.

And to actually HOPE that anyone's children fall victim to abuse as jumpingthroughhoops does, is beyond low.

Poulay · 02/07/2012 21:23

I can't be arsed to read the 781 posts, but is there any further progress on 'OP is a loon' as a summary for this thread? I take it the man in question has not be arrested or entered into the sex offenders register ?

FutTheShuckUp · 02/07/2012 21:25

Reported that post Jumping. Not on at all.

tinkerbel72 · 02/07/2012 21:28

Damsel- You say you 'get where the op' is coming from on wishing abuse on other peoples children.

You see: I can't even do that- empathise with someone wishing evil on children

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 21:29

Oh the joy some of you have bounded around with on this thread with, pulling the OP down at any given opportunity is just par for the course. Fucking brilliant!!!

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 21:31

No, I did not say that!

I said I get where she is coming from with her frustration! I did not agree with her wishing abuse on anyone.

There you go again!

Fuck sake!

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 21:32

Read it again madam,

The OP has been called a troll. The playground came out at her response. I understand her frustration at being taunted and snapping back. There she was concerned about kids and being told not to. So she feels, ok, let it happen to yours if you don't want anyone to care enough to put themselves out and report their concerns. I get where she is coming from. I just don't think it was nice said out loud.

tinkerbel72 · 02/07/2012 21:33

"I get where she is coming from. I just don't think it's nice said out loud'.

Ok to think it then. ... Hmm

kittyandthefontanelles · 02/07/2012 21:36

But if she had just thought it instead that would have been fine? It's base. Sickening. Your post again reads as if you support her disgusting wish.

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 21:37

Don't ignore this:

So you've never tried to help anyone and they've not wanted your help and you've not thought, well I wont help and see what happens?

I have and because of that, I can see where the OP is coming from.

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 21:38

Still not nice to say, but I get her frustration. Hope that's clear enough?

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 21:38

No I do not support her wish. And no matter how many times any of you say I do it is not going to make that true.

gordyslovesheep · 02/07/2012 21:40

what a vile thing to say

Gibbous · 02/07/2012 21:40

I have too, and I still can't fathom how that thought could have even germinated in the OP's head. Sorry I'm not being holier than thou I just can't. And that is why I find it unforgivable.

Gibbous · 02/07/2012 21:43

Fair enough Damsel, you don't support her wish and FWIW I do believe that. But your posts weren't could have been phrased better/differently.

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 21:44

It's hard to express oneself when others are standing on the side line waiting to pounce.

Waves at Tinkerbell

kittyandthefontanelles · 02/07/2012 21:46

So you've never tried to help anyone and they've not wanted your help and you've not thought, well I wont help and see what happens?

No, because I'm not spiteful by nature.

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 21:46

It's been a school yard on here. I'm over and out. Time for shower and bed.