To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

I'll bring you back round to (D) "Mrs Jumping. There is a always a bigger picture you aren't privvy to, it's been referred" for all I know he could be a million things. But it seems his profile is already raised elsewhere. I'll never know. And OMG something tells me, the school will never know either."

Or they could simply be placating you. All they've said is "it's been referred" could mean a million things, most likely means the relevant procedure has been followed for such reports.

"(a) spoke to MY CPO (who doesnt know where my children go to school or live in the area). His comment was "Jumping, if it made you uneasy you did the right thing"

(b) phoned another friend, a clinical psychologist, again well out of area, just to ask her opinion if she thought I was prone to over reaction, hysteria, paranoia etc. Apparently I'm not considered that way.

(c) you'll like this one. Not a lot. Again asked someone I trust implicitly who works with, well, the underbelly of society. His comment? "never, ever under estimate those miniicule body language readings you pick up""

Once again just a load of sound bites and cliches. Two from friends who could easily be telling you what you want to hear and another from a CPO dealing with a parent, could easily be erring on the side of caution and saying what is expected of them.

Nothing you posted lends credibility to the notion that you were somehow right about this man

Massive difference between asking the parent/carer who has taken a child to hospital with burns, and reporting a man who has been seen on 3 occasions within 2 months in perfectly legitimate situations

I was hoping the OP would explain why she was at the school sports day when she lives outside the area.

By posting your suspicions here, about a member who is easily identifiable, you're doing the equivalent of that damaging, life-destroying gossip that was discussed earlier.

The OPs equivalent is emailing MNHQ.

She seems to have a better grasp of the right way to deal with suspicions than you do.

I'll never know. But I know I did the right thing. I'm not a nair sayer and one to hide when I know something is plainly wrong.

I'm wondering why the op bothered posting for opinions. As soon as she got the feedback she didn't want to hear, she went straight on the hotline to her friends, the clinical psychologist, the child protection officer and the mysterious one who works with the underbelly of society- and wouldn't you just know it?- they've all given her a pat on the back!!

Yes tinker bell there is a difference. But I think if something is suspicious and niggling at you then report it, and sit smug thinking that you have done your civil duty?. But maybe don't check with an Internet forum

Cross posts there. Clearly no point posting at all. You 'know you did the right thing'! Why bother asking then!

OP I am still consulting my gut instinct about this turn of events but one thing is absolutely undeniable - how revolting rude you are.

Tinkerbell, not everyone did think the OP didn't do the right thing though Or did you miss that?

*revoltingly

'AIBU?'

'No I'm not. '

Oh the irony

Has anyone else noticed that the op has shifted from 'probably an entirely coincidental set of circumstances' (op)to 'something plainly wrong' with the man? (tonight's post)

What a vile, foul thing to hope OP especially with those who have shared their stories.

You have completely extrapolated from something a school office has said that it seems his profile is already raised elsewhere

JumpingThroughHopps,you are to be congratulated.Congratulated for having your eyes open,congratulated for having the courage to report it,congratulated for caring about children at that school,congratulated for following up on it,and congratulated for coming back on here and telling us what happened.For all the posters know on here,it could be THEIR school that she has alerted.
When I first came on MN I lurked for a while to see how the forum worked.And only started posting when I felt ready to post as there are quite a large number of posters who are challenging.

Gibbous and xales- yes , It is a truly vile thing to hope about anyone's children. How anyone can purport to care about safeguarding children and write a thing like that is beyond me.

And you don't think what Jumping just posted was challenging?! Priceless!

I do hope YOU or your children meets someone who raises an eyebrow but couldnt give a toss.

OP, I'm sure you don't really mean that, do you?

Whether the email was unfounded or not, you obviously acted in what you assumed was the best interests of the community.

To now say you don't give a toss if some MNers and their DCs are put in a dangerous situation is truly appalling. Especially given the terrible things that some posters have been through.

Tinkerbel it's the aggressive pitchfork-waving mentality.

I did say upthread I sympathised with her gut instinct/uneasiness, just thought there were better ways to address it, but from the latest course, shrewish posts I don't know if I do anymore.

*coarse. Gah!

It wasn't a nice comment. I'm think it was said in frustration because of the goading of the OP that's gone one here. Still not nice. But, I'm sure Tinkerbell knows she and her kids are safe because after all, there aren't pedo's hanging around every corner you know?

...congratulated for caring about children at that school...

But not about some other children. You know, the ones she hopes meet someone unsavoury.

Damsel there's been no more goading from one side than another. And the OP has been absent and unrelated to most of it.

It is unforgivable.