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AIBU?

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Original poster

To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

999 replies

JumpingThroughHoops · 30/06/2012 18:38

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really Grin

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

OP posts:
tinkerbel72 · 02/07/2012 21:48

Agree kitty. A very spiteful way to think.

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 21:53

Oh please!!!! Mother fucking Theressa!

tinkerbel72 · 02/07/2012 21:55

What IS your problem damsel?

Is it REALLY so hard to believe that not everyone else goes around wishing ill on people??

ilovesooty · 02/07/2012 21:55

I can't see any justification for thinking or expressing a comment like that and I'm surprised anyone is seeking to excuse it.

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 22:00

No, I find it bloody hard to believe no one has thought, well if you don't want my help see what happens.

And no I'm not defending the OP for saying what she did. I'm saying you lot love that she cracked and has now given you ammo to whip her with, because calling her a troll wasn't enough for you!

ilovesooty · 02/07/2012 22:03

You're seriously suggesting people are enjoying the fact that she came out with that comment (which was her decision and her responsibility)?

You sound hysterical.

complexnumber · 02/07/2012 22:06

I'm not a nair sayer and one to hide when I know something is plainly wrong.

PLAINLY WRONG!

A bloke standing at a bus stop is PLAINLY WRONG? A bloke sitting on a train chatting to some other children is PLAINLY WRONG, A bloke who doesn't join in conversation at a sports day event is PLAINLY WRONG!

I can guess which paper you read OP.

Tanith · 02/07/2012 22:07

I don't agree with the OP's comment, but neither do I like the way that words are being put in her mouth.

What she said was "someone who raises an eyebrow".

That has been twisted into
"someone unsavoury"
"someone harmful"
And finally
"wishing sexual abuse on other people's children".

And tinkerbel thinks this is justification to accuse other people, not just the OP, of having malicious thoughts.

tinkerbel72 · 02/07/2012 22:10

Oh come on

What do you think she meant, in the context of this thread, if not something really unpleasant.

It's sickening and it ill befits anyone to try to defend/ dilute/ mitigate what jumpingthrouhhhoops said

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 22:12

Yes, I'm seriously saying that Tinkerbell is loving having a whip!

Tanith · 02/07/2012 22:13

But, according to you, such a person is innocent and harmless.

Now me: I believe in trusting my instincts, which is why I said i don't like her comment.

Gibbous · 02/07/2012 22:13

Tanith, it is clear what the OP meant in the context of the conversation. Don't try and play naive. And while Damsel may not have shared those thoughts her words were arguably ill judged.

The OP returned to this thread exactly twice. She, by her own admission, hasn't been keeping tabs on it or read it. I don't think she felt goaded. I think she just appears to be a nasty fishwife.

tinkerbel72 · 02/07/2012 22:15

Speak for yourself damsel; I don't enjoy the sickening rants of the op, hearing what she wishes innocent children to suffer

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 22:17

I've had to revisit that post:
I do hope YOU or your children meets someone who raises an eyebrow but couldnt give a toss.

She hopes you meet someone who set your antenna off, but no one gives a toss? Kinda like you don't give a toss about what raised her brow? So, she's kinda wishing the situation she is in on you, and no one gives a toss.

kittyandthefontanelles · 02/07/2012 22:18

It's interesting that at the time of my posting (apology if I cross post) the op hasn't come back to explain/defend/recant her statement. I can only surmise that tink is correct. I'm afraid I think the op might be slightly unwell. I believe she might need help. This man has done nothing suspicious and she does, I'm afraid, sound hysterical to me.

Gibbous · 02/07/2012 22:21

No, not kinda like that. Not in the context of everything that had gone on previously. If she meant anything less than encountering a sinister person there would have been no point in saying it.

mayorquimby · 02/07/2012 22:22

"She hopes you meet someone who set your antenna off, but no one gives a toss? "

But that's not what her post is saying, is it? The way it reads is though she hopes the person or their children meets someone who raises an eyebrow but they don't give a toss and they pay for not having the op's vigilance. There's nothing about being worried but nobody supporting you.

Tanith · 02/07/2012 22:23

I'm not playing anything.

Either a raised eyebrow causes concern or it does not. You can't have it both ways. Which is it?

Tanith · 02/07/2012 22:25

The way you read it, mayor.

Cherriesarelovely · 02/07/2012 22:27

Glad to hear back from you OP, although it seems you can't win. You have been unequivocally told from the school that your email was not considered outrageous at all and has been passed on as I was sure it would be. You then receive a sneering, goading response from many posters who are so entrenched in their position I would be surprised if they conceded anything no matter what you had said. tinkerbel et al, the school said OP had done the right thing....did you not read that part?

Your response about I hope you or your child was very unfortunate indeed but I have sat here over the last few evenings and thought crikey, I'm not saying I don't agree with some of the other posters but if, god forbid, any of our children were approached by a sinister character and we found out that others had known about him/her and had done nothing we would be rightly horrified. You registered your concerns, I think you did the right thing.

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 22:27

I can't speak for her. But I can unstitch her words and turn them over and put them back together like has been the MO on this tread throughout, and I come back to, I'm not going to add to what she has said or read between the lines. I'll stick to the facts. Fact is, those were her words. And I'll leave her to defend them. I'll take her post at face value and not surmise anything.

And now it really is time for me to go spend some time with the folk I care about.

Goodnight.

tinkerbel72 · 02/07/2012 22:27

It is very clear what jumpingthrouhhhoops meant. Paedophiles DO exist- we all know that. No one has denied they exist. To write what jumpingthrouhhhoops did is sickening.

mayorquimby · 02/07/2012 22:31

Well look if someone is debating whether someone was suspicious or off, and in responding to people who had been disagreeing with them and saying there was no reason to suspect anything a foot with "I hope you run into someone like this someday" no one is going to give any credibility to that person if they were to try and row back on that and say that it meant anything other than "I hope you get yours someday and I'll be vindicated"
What the op meant was as clear as day to me and many orhers, if you see it differently and believe she was merely wishing the frustration if being disagreed with then we'll have to agree to disagree.

Gibbous · 02/07/2012 22:32

Tanith, yes it raises concern (where have you got the idea that it's been interpreted as not?!). But you ignore it. If that was the end of it then there would be no point in the OP saying it.

Gibbous · 02/07/2012 22:33

"Well I hope YOU or your children meet someone suspicious who, er, turns out not to be. So there!"

Nah...