To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

why the fuck would you push and push that pendeen? what the fuck is wrong with you?

We all have our own experiences which shape our perspective. Which is precisely WHY two people following their 'gut instinct' 'alarm bells' 'antenna' or whatever you want to call it, will have completely different views. And it's precisely WHY to fire off an email referring to paedophiles with absolutely no evidence base is wrong.

And to correct the misquoting which has gone on about my posts, I have never said the op 'accused' the man of being a paedophile. I said that she IMPLIED he could be by referring to the term in her email to the school. Paedophilia is an evil menace and it is abusive to imply anyone of it without proof.

it isnt a statement
just saying the reason you think damsels POV might be skewed, applies to everyone

like tinkerbell says-everyone has their own experiences which inform their perspective

That may be so Lemarchandsbox, but it is my POV and as you see, I explained in full when I made that statement why I see things the way I do. I just don't know why Pendeen felt the need to partly quote me and ask for an explanation from me when the full explanation was there in the first place.

Christ All Mighty - 20 further pages on what constitutes a paedophile.

I never said I thought he was a paedophile. I forget some people are so literal that the comment "I don't see a paedophile behind every tree" means that - I neither look nor see for them nor attribute sterotypical media traits to persons..

FWIW - and I'm sure you will continue to go your own sweet tangent way, today I did the following:

(a) spoke to MY CPO (who doesnt know where my children go to school or live in the area). His comment was "Jumping, if it made you uneasy you did the right thing"

(b) phoned another friend, a clinical psychologist, again well out of area, just to ask her opinion if she thought I was prone to over reaction, hysteria, paranoia etc. Apparently I'm not considered that way.

(c) you'll like this one. Not a lot. Again asked someone I trust implicitly who works with, well, the underbelly of society. His comment? "never, ever under estimate those miniicule body language readings you pick up"

(d) possibly the most important to you all. I went into the school office (where I sent the email). I went in and said "I sent you and email, and you quite possibly think I've lost the plot, I want to explain further". I was cut off with "Mrs Jumping. There is a always a bigger picture you aren't privvy to, it's been referred"

I cant be arsed to plough back over 20 pages but:

For the poster who thought I wouldnt be able to actually know the same chap - he was unique, so unless he had a dopplelganger, it would be the same gentleman.

For the poster who can't understand 'oblivious to' - I had to listen to a 40 min conversation of what THEN appeared banal crap on a train

For the poster who thought I should strut up to and asked for a valid explanation as to the reason for being @ sports day - none of you are clicking to the fact it was the run of 3 situations that caused me to alert.

Train, fine. Sports day fine, Bus stop, fine.

Take any two of those, and no flags would have raised. Put the third one into the equation, and there was something peculiar.

I'll bring you back round to (D) "Mrs Jumping. There is a always a bigger picture you aren't privvy to, it's been referred" for all I know he could be a million things. But it seems his profile is already raised elsewhere. I'll never know. And OMG something tells me, the school will never know either.

Ooh OP is really trying to cover all bases now!

OK OP- But can you explain why you were suspicious? I don't get what he did wrong.

IawnCont- keep up! He was standing alone at a bus stop on Friday, he'd been on a train 2 months ago, and was at the school sports day. Isn't it obvious what he's done wrong?!!

The OP has answered some of the queries, that's all. Why the sneering cynicism? There's no reason to disbelieve her - except your gut instinct, of course :)

I once phoned my local supermarket because there was a man out the front of it taking photos/video of the entrance, signs and checkouts. I thought it was wierd and because the thought wasn't going away I rang them and told them. Yes I felt like an idiot but these days you just can't be too careful. The manager was polite to me, thanked me and said he'd view all the security footage. Whether he hung up and then laughed at the idiot woman I'll never know.

Maybe I've just watched too much tv who knows. But at least I know I've done something about something that seemed suspicious. do I need to name change now?

He was probably a mystery shopper.

OP posts on MN on saturday, idly speculating about whether she was write to send an email to the school.

By Monday, several hundred posts letter when the majority of posters have clearly told her why this is a very bad idea, she suddenly pops up and lo and behold, she's not only consulted her best friends, the local community police officer and clinical psychologist, who - surprise surprise, tell her she's done The Right Thing- but she's also gone back

into the school to discuss the email and - lo and behold they've hinted
darkly that "there is a bigger picture to which you arent privy"!!!

My red flags/gut feeling/ antenna are screaming get back under your bridge

*right

Oh and I meant to add that I didn't think paedophile but your post OP. but I did think drug dealer, so no I don't think YABU.

Haha sooty. A mystery shopper!! That makes more sense than a terrorist!!

If you think someone's a troll, then you report her to MN. The guidelines are very clear on that.

You have no proof for either your disbelief or your accusation.

.... Erm.. And the ops 'proof' that this guy was doing something wrong...?!

the local community police officer oh get real - no one ever consults the plastic plod. Child Protection Officer. Schools have them.

I do apologise for the aberration of not living my life vicariously through a forum - hey, I nip in and out as time allows. Unlike some.

My red flags/gut feeling/ antenna are screaming...

What about the alarm bells?

You have no proof for either your disbelief or your accusation.

I know, I've never seen the op on a train or at a bus stop so lack hard evidence.

Yeap those too shelly. Everything's buzzing and ringing! Must be a paedophile nearby. Or should that be a terrorist. Or drug dealer. Or maybe just a poor bastard waiting for a bus.

Oh wow the school yard taunters have come out.

Play nicely children

and @ tinker bell. sad thing is you never know, and where do you draw the line between being inappropriate or ambivalent?

When questions were asked towards me, at the hospital, about burns my son had, I wasn't offended, because I knew they are looking out for all children and to get the guilty, sadly, innocent people have to be questioned too.